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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not seeing the man I'm seeing over Xmas

84 replies

PJsAndWine · 22/12/2015 23:42

So I've been seeing this guy for about 6 weeks now (so all still pretty new), so far have been seeing each other about twice a week due to my work commitments but it's worked & we are both happy with that.

Tonight we were chatting about Xmas etc so I asked him when I was likely to see him over Xmas/before new year ... His reply oh you probably won't as ill be with family & seeing all my cousins
I feel a bit odd and upset about it as thought it would of been nice to spend a bit of time together whilst we are both off work.

AIBU to feel a bit odd & upset about this? & to have expected to see him?

OP posts:
Fratelli · 23/12/2015 12:01

6 weeks is no time at all. I wouldn't be seeing someone at Christmas if we were only seeing each other tbh. I also agree with what shutthatdoor said.

Goingtobeawesome · 23/12/2015 12:04

YANBU but I would have expected to have discussed it before now.

I'm glad I'm married. I couldn't be doing with all this it's only been five minutes, too demanding, etc etc etc.

Possiblestudentteacher · 23/12/2015 12:09

I've been with my boyfriend for three and a half years and we don't see each over christmas. His family live up north and mine down south so we go to our respective parents :) For the last 2 years I have then gone up to his for New Year to see him and his family. As it's a very new relationship I don't think it's abnormal at all.

ElfOnTheBoozeShelf · 23/12/2015 12:11

YABU. Said in a gentle way, because I'd have probably had that kind of reaction too Xmas Wink

All my family live at the other end of the country, Christmas is one of the few times of year we get to see each other - if then. So completely understand the seeing cousins thing.

Hmm at posters suggesting he must be married because he's not spending time with someone he's seen 12 times!!

Christmas is about family, not recent infatuations.

DinosaursRoar · 23/12/2015 12:33

IfNotNow - possibly, but the festive period has always been a bit like this for me and DH's families, cousins aren't normally seen on Christmas day so fitted in elsewhere, parties and meet up with old friends which have been moved to the daytime to accomodate that we all have DCs now would have been evening dos straight after work the week between christmas and new year (pre-DCs I always worked between Christmas and new year, seemed such a waste of holiday allowance, so would go straight out after work pretty much every night that week). Now it's harder because there's DH's side to fit in as well.

Some people do just have one big do on Christmas day then that's it. If you come from that sort of background, then it could seem odd to not be free at all that week. It's not really a sign he's not into you, if you'd been dating for 6 months and he'd still not factored seeing you into his Christmas week planning, then that would be a bit of a worry, but 6 weeks is a very short time frame to be moving everything around.

FlatOnTheHill · 23/12/2015 13:14

I dont see why he cant spend some time with you. He sounds like he needs to make more of an effort. Does he live miles away. Is distance the problem?

DinosaursRoar · 23/12/2015 13:26

FlatOnTheHill - if he's already got plans for the whole week, seeing the OP would mean cancelling plans, is it really acceptable to cancel seeing family or old friends at christmas (plans that have clearly been in place for a while) at the last minute, in order to see a new girlfriend? Most people would think that's very rude of him.

mintoil · 23/12/2015 13:30

Hmmm. Well, I wouldn't expect or want to be introduced to all the fam as the new GF, it's too soon for that.

However, I do find it a bit odd that he doesn't want to see you at all over the period, not even for a coffee and a catch up?

Most of us are desperately trying to find an excuse to get away for a couple of hours after days of enforced family jollity, so it does seem a little odd to me.

I would take a step back emotionally to be honest. It wouldn't take much for him to make a couple of hours available for you, but he doesn't seem to want to.

I would be out and about making my own fun.

CreepingDogFart · 23/12/2015 13:42

6 weeks is no time at all. YABU.

DinosaursRoar · 23/12/2015 13:46

Thing is, while he might really want to see the OP, he's not been dating her long enough for her to have been a factor when he made his plans. He might really want to get away for a few hours, but if he has filled his week before meeting the OP, he's not free. that is not to say that if he had met the OP before making his plans, he would have made the same plans, but it's so close to christmas, it's a bit late to be changing your days round seeing people.

FlatOnTheHill · 23/12/2015 13:48

Dinosaur fair point

mintoil · 23/12/2015 13:52

Christ have all of you got like plans, for every hour of every day for the next ten days?

I am feeling terribly disorganised now Xmas Smile

ExBallerina · 23/12/2015 14:22

I'd be disappointed, as you want to see him, but understand. It's only early days.

Are you seeing him NYE?

diddl · 23/12/2015 17:21

Christ have all of you got like plans, for every hour of every day for the next ten days?

I know!

I feel like a proper Billy No Mates!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 23/12/2015 17:39

After only 6 weeks I wouldn't even send a Christmas card!

Goingtobeawesome · 23/12/2015 17:41

Why on earth not Needs? Confused

NeedsAsockamnesty · 23/12/2015 17:50

Because I wouldn't even know if I really liked them or if they were more the acquaintance I have dinner with type.

Only 6 weeks of hanging out with twice a week wouldn't even register on my radar as a relationship.

And I like to utilise any excuse possible to do away with the card faff and people get really offended when they realise your admin person has done all of that for you so I tend to restrict them to family and proper friends

RedMapleLeaf · 23/12/2015 17:52

Because I wouldn't even know if I really liked them

After six weeks? Hmm

Aeroflotgirl · 23/12/2015 17:52

Fine, leave it at that, and arrange to see each other in the new year. The relationship is very new, and usually family come first.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 23/12/2015 18:00

What so unusual about that? 6 weeks is really really early days.

I'm quite surprised that people feel that they can work out what sort of person someone is in such a short space of time or of they are the type of person you actually want to have a relationship with.

Don't get me wrong I'm quite able to tell if I think someone is handsome or funny or if I want to see them again but not anything more than that.

Dinglethdragon · 23/12/2015 18:05

My dd has been with her boyfriend for two years - they still both go home for Xmas to see relatives and other friends. 6 weeks is nothing. Seriously.

RedMapleLeaf · 23/12/2015 18:07

I wouldn't voluntarily see someone for six weeks unless I was thinking, "yes, I like him".

NeedsAsockamnesty · 23/12/2015 18:16

But would that liking be on some deep level,would you feel like you really knew them enough to consider them to be a good friend someone you trusted etc or would it be oh they have a GSH and are not rude to waiters and are fairly easy on the eye type of a like

Mine would be the second

WeeHelena · 23/12/2015 18:55

I wouldn't be miffed it's still pretty casual for how little time you have had together.
He isn't deliberately avoiding you over Christmas, he has other commitments, I wouldn't think he had a wife either.

Iv been seeing someone casually for maybe two months and seen him the other day and I might not see him til after new year.
I'm not fussy he doesn't have family here but must have other commitments he has or hasn't mentioned to me.
Iv also been chatting to another guy for a couple months and i gave him a Christmas card on our first date just 2 weeks ago and iv offered to meet him Christmas evening if he comes to my city for a drink and food if there is any to find again he has no one so I see that I am meeting a friend as it is what Christmas is about really, I'm doing my family thing at lunch.

Marynary · 23/12/2015 19:25

It depends on whether he will travelling and staying elsewhere over Christmas. If his family all live nearby and he isn't going anywhere, I would definitely feel a bit hurt in your position. The fact that he doesn't want to see you even for an evening between Christmas and new year suggests to me that he may not be that keen on you.