To not want to pay Mil to take care of dd

[agapimou]

Mil works as a private nurse in a hospital. Every time she takes her salary she is supposed to pay a certain percentage for insurance (We are not in UK and they have a weird system here) to continue her job.

She NEVER pays this insurance and at the beginning of the year they told her she could no longer work at the hospital until she pays off the insurance bill which is about 2 or 3 thousand. Until 2 months ago dp and I were not living close to her but she was calling us regularly to send her money and help her pay off the bill in installments. She was doing odd jobs to get by and I think borrowing a lot from friends (who now no longer speak to her).

Now we live just up the road from her and she takes dd 13 months for 6 to 7 hours per day while me and dp work. For this we pay her 30 euros every week plus any extra bills or payments that crop up. I do a big shop every week and all the food gets split in half. Dp pays for her cigarettes as she smokes like a chimney. We also pay for her on days out and put petrol in the car.

Is this normal? Do people usually pay their parents to take care of the grand kids? I feel like we're being taken for a ride as mil does occasionally give massages to friends and neighbors and takes money but spends it on extra cigarettes or luxury items. She has always been terrible with money, she owes 25 - 30 thousand on credit cards and they are about to take her house. She literally hemorrhages money when she has it and buys only brand names, designer labels or goes to drink coffee at the trendy bars.

AIBU? I know paying for private childcare would be WAY more expensive so should i just be grateful that she's taking dd?

FWIW I think even if she wasn't doing childcare you'd end up giving her almost as much.

What to do is tot up how much you're actually handing over cash wise on a monthly basis. I'd imagine it's still less than paying for a childminder to look after your DS 7hrs per day 5 days a week. I stopped using a CM 5 years ago and at that time the going rate in our area was £4.00 per hour.

If it's less than how much you'd pay for a nursery or CM, then you need to make your peace with it, provided you're happy with the care. The fact that she wastes money and has debts is only your problem if you are required to bail her out.

The issue will come when you stop using her for care. That's why I think what you should do now is rather than buying her groceries and fags, pay her the full amount and make it clear that's for looking after your DS and it will stop once she is no longer doing it.

Urgh. While I think you're getting childcare at a good price, she sounds utterly irresponsible. I'd start worrying about her retirement if I were you...

If she is short of money and you are expecting very cheap childcare then YABU to expect this to continue. So you are partly responsible for this IMHO.

so would I snow...

if op starts using a day care and the mother does the same thing again which is likely there will be no bailing her out again.

she will be homeless hungry fag less and stands no chance of paying off the debt