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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To assume he has forgotten his child?

92 replies

HairySubject · 19/12/2015 16:13

Exp brought our son home at 10am this morning. He only picked him up at 6 last night but that is a whole other thread. Anyway he said he had too much to do so couldn't have ds today. He had to get his tyres changed and a isn't want to take ds with him.
He had his dd with him (from relationship previous to ours) and she asked if she could stay here too rather than get dragged around. She is 7 our ds is 3.
I of course said yes. Well it is now 6 hours later and still no sign of him.

Aibu to assume he has forgotten his dd is here? I know I can just ring him but then he will be all like, well if dd is too much trouble for you I will just pick her up blah blah blah. If you don't want her etc etc.

OP posts:
ShortcutButton · 20/12/2015 09:44

sally actually OP can complain all she like. As far as I'm concerned her situation is complain worthy. and her actions in dealing with the situation are very commendable

You don't need to comment though, if you have nothing useful to add

Original poster
HairySubject · 20/12/2015 10:08

For Christmas he is staying here Christmas eve, collecting his dd Christmas teatime and bringing her here, then on boxing day he is taking both kids to visit his mother who has recently moved across the country, they will be there for a few days. Dsd in particular was very close to ex mil. So he will be there over the festive period but as for hands on parenting, I think he has that covered by others.

OP posts:
goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal · 20/12/2015 10:42

OP - Personally I think you are being far too accommodating, but that it a personal view point.

What I really don't understand though is that in a previous post you mentioned that this girl's mum lives very close by to you, so you can just drop her off in the morning, and that you are relatively close.

If that's the case, then why are you looking after her daughter tonight? And why did you have her three nights last week? If her dad can't be bothered to look after her, then you should be taking her back to her mum's.

In that respect I actually think that this other woman IS using you as free child care. She knows that even when ex dp won't parent, she will still get a lovely child free evening as you will be there to pick up the slack.

When does she look after YOUR ds?

Lweji · 20/12/2015 10:54

I know you're very accommodating for the sake of the children, but you're also teaching them to accommodate this type of twat. Instead of showing them how to develop boundaries for themselves.
Or that his behaviour is ok.

mommy2ash · 20/12/2015 11:09

You seem like a lovely person but it seems like your ex and his ex are putting you in a position where you are caring more for their child's needs and wants than they are. Her time with her dad should be just that. I presume he doesn't have her half the week. While it Is brilliant for the kids to get on I feel you are being taken advantage of

redexpat · 20/12/2015 11:15

I realise that this isnt the point of the thread but really, you have to be the fuckiest of fuckwits to spend 6 hours changing tyres and only manage 2.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 20/12/2015 11:18

Well I think you're just lovely OP. A perfect example of how step parenting is when it's done right. Your relationship with his DD will last a long time because it was obviously formed in the right place...from love.x

Original poster
HairySubject · 20/12/2015 14:50

Goodness the times last week she was in work, she works 24 hour shifts in her job. She didn't ask me to look after dd she was left with her dad and then asked to stay with me instead.

I could have taken her home last night but she wanted to stay, her dad said it was fine, her mum said it was fine so no problem really.

I wasn't questioning dd wanting to be here, I was pretty much questioning what type if tyres take 6 hours to change, or had he forgotten that he had left his dd here. I just thought he was taking the piss saying he was changing tyres for that length of time.

OP posts:
Lweji · 20/12/2015 15:51

Yes, he was taking the piss and he will continue.

At least in future you can drop the pretence that you believe his crap and ask him directly if she is to spend the day and night there instead of him spending time with her as he should.
At least it will save you wondering when he's picking her up.

clam · 21/12/2015 11:19

Slight side-issue, but is your ex paying for any of the Christmas he's staying at yours for? If not, he really is taking the piss.

Original poster
HairySubject · 21/12/2015 15:27

Clam He split the cost of DS's gifts and he has bought Dsd gifts, I have bought her a couple of small things but he has bought most of it. As for food etc, I have bought all of that. I don't mind that though as I would have been buying it anyway.

OP posts:
mickeysminnie · 21/12/2015 17:07

Op in the nicest possible way, you are a complete mug!

Original poster
HairySubject · 21/12/2015 17:23

I don't disagree with you at all Mickey Grin but there are worse things to be.

OP posts:
mickeysminnie · 21/12/2015 17:27

If you're happy that way, then fair enough! Don't be surprised if your resentment levels begin to rise though. Enjoy your Christmas! Xmas Smile

Original poster
HairySubject · 21/12/2015 18:08

They do sometimes but I know things won't change unless I do something about it ad at the moment I don't have the energy for that much conflict and if I rock the boat too much we might lose contact with dsd. I am happy to tow the line for the time being.

OP posts:
clam · 21/12/2015 18:12

Toeing the line will make no difference to whether he allows you to see your dsd. If it suits him to dump her on you, he'll do it, and if he wants to rile you, he will threaten you with stopping contact.

Why are you letting him control you?

Lweji · 21/12/2015 18:17

If you get along with the mother you won't lose contact. And it's quite likely that it's only a void threat.

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