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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have told (D)P to turn his fecking phone off?

14 replies

DiorSausage · 19/12/2015 12:17

Context: we're splitting. He's moving out after xmas.

He was at his xmas do straight from work yesterday so didn't see the DC. In a few hours he's off to another city for another night out, staying in a hotel, and coming back tomorrow

DD wanted to watch a Christmas film so we settled down to watch The Grinch. Cue DP sitting staring slack-jawed at his phone for the first half hour. I said "You were out all day yesterday, you're going out again today. Could you turn your phone off and spend some time with the DC?" Perfectly calmly btw, I'm way past the point of getting upset.

He's now huffing and puffing and stressing as he always does because DS is behaving like, well, a toddler Hmm.

In a way it's a good thing because it just cements my knowledge that I'll be 100% fine on my own with the DC. It's just less stressful when he's not here. I am a bit worried about how he'll be when he has them but I can't obsess about that.

Anyway, Strictly and Wine tonight. Anyone else excited?!

OP posts:
KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 19/12/2015 12:22

YABU.

The TV was on, you were hardly chatting/playing. He wasn't ignoring her.

TheBunnyOfDoom · 19/12/2015 12:29

But she's watching a film, not playing anything that requires his interaction. YABU.

Spilose · 19/12/2015 12:32

YABU. It's not your place to say that and tbh I don't think watching a movie requires his attention anyway.

Moonriver1 · 19/12/2015 12:34

I know what you mean OP. It doesn't matter if he's actually watching the Grinch or not, he could sit with her, interact with her, respond with her.

That said, I am a total hypocrite and it's me who starts looking at my phone if I'm bored of the film!!

A lot of us have got into the habit of idling checking/browsing when we could be more plugged in to our partners or kids.

Sorry you've been having a hard time. Don't know your story but sounds like you have definitely decided to split so I wish you all the best Thanks

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 19/12/2015 12:35

Sorry, but I also think yabu. You were watching a film - it's not like he needed to concentrate. I doubt there was going to be a q and a sessiona after about the character's motivation, or a discussion of double themes in the narritive. Plus, if it's the Jim Carrey version, that is not a good film - I'd be on my phone as well most likely ,sorry!

sawdus · 19/12/2015 12:48

YABU. That film is deathly dull and I'd go crazy if I were forced to sit through it without something else to keep me occupied.

But I think you'd have got annoyed with him whatever he did. Is there a reason you're putting off him moving out? No point in playing happy families if it's already over.

Greenzoe14 · 19/12/2015 12:50

I sit and watch films with my kids, with half my attention on the screen and half on my phone. Its fine. I can follow and discuss with them, but not be bored out of my mind!

I wouldn't consider it any one else's business at all whether I was on my phone or not, or had my mouth open or closed.

it sounds like his whole assistance irritates you irrationally. Good thing you are splitting up!

lilydaisyrose · 19/12/2015 12:50

YANBU - I think this is a really bad example for the kids and drives me bonkers when my DH does it! Just watch a film as a family!!

honeyroar · 19/12/2015 12:57

I can never understand why people stay together for the sake of the children over Xmas. However well you think you are doing you will be doing things that are picked up on by your children. Even in this situation your DD will have noticed "mummy told daddy off again". A clean split is best. And that's from someone whose parents stayed together years longer than they should have for us children, and I wish they hadn't, they're much better apart!

MerryMarigold · 19/12/2015 13:04

I'm way past the point of getting upset.

Which is why you started this thread Confused?

OurBlanche · 19/12/2015 13:11

OP, your thread has shown the usual split: those for whom their phone is an ever present, demanding partner for life and those for whom it is a communication tool, put away when work is over and/or family life begins.

You won't get a consensus of opinion but that you see it differently from your stbx is just another way you know that splitting is a good idea.

theycallmemellojello · 19/12/2015 13:15

I agree with those saying YABU. I have such a short attention span with tv - unless something is really good I tend to have a book/magazine/phone or something to keep me occupied. It's better than distracting other watchers with random conversation! And I don't see what engagement you can do when you're watching telly.

BeanGirls · 19/12/2015 13:55

If it was beeping constantly then yanbu it's so rude and irritating. I don't think you're Yabu anyway it's nice to show the kids you're not distracted when spending time with them.

Fairylea · 19/12/2015 14:05

Unless it was constantly making noises yabu. And controlling to be honest, whatever he does is nothing to do with you anymore. I know that sounds really harsh but as someone who's been through divorce / new partners / step parents etc the best thing to do is to learn to smile and nod and ignore otherwise you're going to end up arguing with each other for the next however many years.

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