To have posted this on FB about my not so 'd'h and his xmas shaggathon?

[ThatsNiceDear]

'Happy one year shaggiversary to [cheating h] and [some thick cow] who spent today reminiscing by text about their shag at last year's Christmas party, while I was recovering from my suicide attempt yesterday. My mental health has immeasurably improved knowing that I'm not completely mad, I am in fact surrounded by total cunts.'

I'm fucking gobsmacked! I thought he was perfect. Well, I haven't had much sex for a year, but now I see why. AIBU?

Why should you keep your husbands affair and your suicide attempt a secret? You have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of.

There's a vast gulf between 'keeping something secret' and posting it on FB.

I'm really sorry OP, you've had a tough time but you really should delete the FB post. You will come to regret it.

Sorry to hear you're going through this.

Your dh hasn't been out partying though has he? Not just after your suicide attempt?

Who's supporting you and the dcs when he's at w

Posted too soon?

last word is work.

Sweetheart, take it from me, someone who has been there and also survived. (Coming up for 20 years ago)

NOTHING is worth killing yourself over. Your children need you. YOU need you.

Work is work, a cheating h is a cheating H, but you can and will get through all this shit and actually, you WILL be stronger on the other side of this.

You know suicide isn't the answer. You don't need me to tell you that. One day you will look back and be proud of how far you have come, how you grew from it and how you know you can face anything.

Take one issue at a time and see what you can do to resolve it. Work? Could you quit? Cite constructive dismissal? I know it's a fight, you may not have the strength to take it on now, but find out if there is a one limit? Or get signed off and look for something else.

Your h is a cunt. His colleague also. The right thing to do would be to kick them both out of your lives and focus on your Dc and your own life and happiness.

At the back of my mind, hearing how much "release" you feel at discovery of your h cheating, I wonder if subconsciously you knew something wasn't right, but weren't listening to your instincts and THIS will have impacted dramatically on your mh.

In all events, we are all glad you are still here, I hope your family are supportive (mine weren't, so proof you can recover alone if you need to)

If you think your mil would be supportive, please open up to her and sil. Bugger awkward, what he has done is beyond shit, not only betrayed his family, but gloating about it too :(

Keep talking to us and to therapists if you have one, please get referred for some talking therapy too,

This is not the end of you, it's the beginning of the better, stronger you.

would people stop badgering on about the OP and her posting her life on FB, I get that its something that you would not do, however the OP is not you!

I hope you get lots of family support to rally around you, and also MN is fab for support, may I suggest you ask for this thread to be moved to the relationship topic?

Best Wishes OP

I wish you lots of support, but I'd remove that status ASAP from Facebook, it won't reflect well upon you which in unfortunate, but is the truth. Use your energy to become calm, stable and strong for your children.

I work in mental health too and agree with pp that having a MH issue doesn't not automatically mean you can't be the primary carer of your children at all. Do you have a social worker involved at the moment?

I also agree that it is the shock taking over at the moment but please take care of yourself as it will likely wear off over the next couple of days.

How is your relationship with Mil and Sil?

I see nothing wrong with the FB status.

Cheaters love the secrecy. Blowing it wide open is actually a well known and recommended cause of action. Once the cheating becomes well known it isn't quite as appealing to the cheater. That's done now, most people will have seen it and you have nothing to be ashamed of.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Please make sure you get all the help and support that is available to you. You were in an awful place before this news and once the shock has worn off I do worry about how you will manage. I really hope that you have a lot of support available and please keep talking to us. Maybe start a new thread in relationships as well?

You will get through this, one day at a time. I am so sorry

I hope you are as well as can be under the circumstances Op..

OP hope you are ok today.
A suicide attempt & MH issues don't necessarily mean he'll get custody so please don't base any decisions on that-get advice.
Also might be an idea to request the thread be moved to Relationships, lots of good advice to be had.

you know whats what now. Youve finally found out that its HIM not you. No wonder youve been going nuts. Whatever it throws at you now, youre aware of the bullshit and you know it isnt you.

We are here for you, and I dont blame you for putting it on facebook xx

Please get help. Get therapy and meds. Well meant support isnt enough.
No matter how hard losing your job was, if you'd had the perfect relationship to fall back on then its seems unlikely you would have made a suicide attempt. Is it possible that deep down you knew something was not right?

I recognise that adrenaline feeling. Its partly anger. Its not the worst place to be. Think only about yourself from now on.

How are you doing today TND?

'He's embarrassed and annoyed I told his chat group of friends on his phone'

He's got the fucking cheek to be annoyed?!

The gall of the man!

And it's pretty shoddy of anyone to suggest the OP is 'lowering' herself by posting the status, as if posting something on fb is anywhere near what that fuckwit has done to her

PoppyBlossom - 'it won't reflect well upon you', well, if anyone thinks any less of the OP after they've just read what her twatting husband did to her, then shame on them.

Is the affair ongoing?
In my innocence I would have imagined there would be some kind of instant and ongoing support for anyone who reported to hospital with an attempted suicide. Is there no mental health support for you OP?
I bet your husband and the other woman will come to wish get hadn't messed with you , you sound like a force of nature OP!

Thank you everyone. I was a bit scared to read the thread - like when you watch a horror film through your fingers just to get the gist, that's how I read the thread. But everyone has been lovely and I'm really grateful.

I deleted the post at about 8 this morning, but I got a lot of support from my friends which I needed. He wasn't upset with me about telling his friends or the fb status, but he was really ashamed and embarrassed and he accepts that's his own fault. He does seem really genuinely sorry and I believe he regrets it, but if I was reading this I'd be thinking 'you can't be fucking serious?'. His friends were really supportive of both of us. One of them said he can't believe that h is that kind of arsehole. Me either - imagine my surprise!!

I checked his story with her by text and it did end early-ish this year, about May. Looking back, there was some behaviour changes at that time - going out and staying out more, less sex, not feeling as close. He called it off, and she got a boyfriend, roundabout the same time. I saw an email, it was just shagging, not a relationship. He said we had an understanding or open relationship. To be fair, I had always said if he went out and got drunk and did something, I wouldn't want to know. I meant if it was a one off mistake. He interpreted it as I wouldn't really mind. But even then, it wasn't that, it was an affair - the exact opposite of a drunken mistake (well not quite, but you know what I mean). Anyway, I told her (by text) that their friendship and 'nostalgia' wasn't helpful to our marriage and he'd be dropping all contact. She said she understood. I didn't clarify whether or not we had an open relationship or anything like that - none of her business.

I got about 2 hours sleep this afternoon. My eyes sting from tiredness, but I haven't cried, which is very odd, considering. But maybe still in shock. I think we will be ok, he will be trying really hard to earn back the trust.

Are you planning to tell MIL and SIL about his actions and/or your suicide attempt?
It seems as if his affair will be rather a large elephant in the room at Christmas, especially if there is any chance they might be feeling worried about 'poor DH' getting stressed by the fact of your illness - so if you aren't expecting to keep it all a secret from them forever, can you tell them both either discreetly without your DH or in front of him so that they can then discuss it with him (if there is any chance that they will put a rocket up his arse) whilst you go off for a nap?

Wouldn't put anything else up unless you're confident you won't reap any negative consequences from your suicide attempt being public knowledge. Fuck him, but make sure you act in your own best interests. You're not still thinking of ending it now are you OP? Don't give the fuckers the satisfaction. Are you getting some help? Could you go to the hospital, or even the GP on Monday?

I have spoken to the GP yesterday, they increased my dose of anti-depressants. I see them again in January to see if that's worked. Not thinking about ending it now. I'm too tired. I know my kids need me. My head is all over the place.

My family all know. They love him more than me, it's a running joke. I assume his family will have seen it on FB but they haven't contacted him so maybe not everyone is on there as much as me not. No I don't think I'll bring up the situation, I think we'll pretend everything's fine, avoid anything controversial, not make eye contact and get through dinner ASAP. Kids are a great distraction for getting out of conversation. Or I might get a headache and go to bed if the kids are happily amusing themselves.

I just don't know what to do. He is very sorry, and he had ended it. But why the texts yesterday then. And would it have been over if her boyfriend hadn't come along.

Hi OP. So sorry this has happened to you.

My worry would be that last night it was 'missing you red' when you didn't know, and now you do know he's all apologetic?

My worry would be that last night it was 'missing you red' when you didn't know, and now you do know he's all apologetic?

Me too. It's not even the affair really. It's the fact that they were still(/again?) texting like that last night, with the kisses and the reminiscing and the 'missing you'. Like there was still a thing or they wanted there to be again. And when I was feeling so down, he was out saying that to her. I don't know what to do. He's in the spare room tonight. I'm crying now, first time since I found out. Maybe it's sinking in.

I called my mum. She thinks I should forgive him. I knew she'd say that.

My plan is get Christmas out the way, then make some decisions after that.

Please be kind to yourself, the mess will take a little time to kick in so a lot of this will be adrenaline, which only lasts so long.

Try and get as much rest as you can and take each hour as it comes, focus on breathing in and out, focus on your dc, it will be ok.

Call the Samaritans if you need a voice and an ear, post here if you need an outlet

You aren't alone, OK? You will grow from this. Things won't always be like this, they can't be.

Remember work is work, the h is the h, neither one of these issues are linked, and they have to be kept separate in your head.

Your trigger here is betrayal, being let down.

By the sounds of it, it stems from your childhood, so please don't expect any useful behaviour from your parents as they've never been there for you until now, so won't be again.

You are the only one you can rely on, and your children have you to rely on, and they won't be let down by you because you love them.

Better to feel angry than suicidal. His friends and family need to know he is a complete sank badger. Good for you. I love Facebook. If I was your friend I'd totally publicly support you on Facebook.

Wank not sank. Typo!!