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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has anyone else had a weird facebook message from an unknown person?

145 replies

katemiddletonsothermum · 17/12/2015 23:02

Someone I don't believe even exists has sent me a message on facebook saying that DH is cheating on me. I think it's a spam, like those emails you get from Nigeria saying you've won twenty million quid if you would only give them your bank details.

I've googled her name, it doesn't exist. I'm convinced it's a fake account and I'll be hacked if I go anywhere near her facebook account.

Has anyone else received strange messages from unknown people? Please answer, before I attack DH with the carving knife.

OP posts:
SummerNights1986 · 18/12/2015 00:05

Agree with Lottie about the possibilities.

And if it was number 3 that was the case I would also hedge my bets that this is a woman that has tried her luck with him and been turned down.

19lottie82 · 18/12/2015 00:09

Summer...... That could be possible but I'm doubting it..... The chances are slim. Air mine would have to be a real nutjob to do that just because they got a knock back. Again not saying it's impossible, just that other explanations are a LOT more realistic.

Arrgh I feel bad now. OP anything we are saying is sheer speculation based only on the info you've provided. You need to speak to your husband.

Prob not a good idea really, but I'd be messaging them back asking them to back up their claims. That way you'll have a better idea if it's BS or not before speaking to your OH.

Grace1467 · 18/12/2015 00:17

I'd have to message back , you have willpower !

penguinplease · 18/12/2015 00:19

I had this once.. I trusted too. We aren't together anymore and honestly I had no idea what he was really up to. Thanks to the stripper he was paying ££££'s to for tipping me off though!

novemberchild · 18/12/2015 00:28

I trusted my husband. If I hadn't, I would have found the sex apps on his phone and the condoms in his bag a lot sooner.

AdjustableWench · 18/12/2015 00:31

I'd guess spam if there's not enough detail for it to be real. If someone were really trying to tell you your partner was unfaithful they'd include some real details (like dates, times, places etc).

I occasionally get spoof facebook messages and friend requests - most recently from someone claiming to be a 'US army genral' [sic]. I reckon if you can't spell general, you probably aren't one. But anyway, I think your message is probably nonsense written by someone who likes the idea of causing trouble by writing vague but spurious accusations to strangers. Some people are just weird.

UmbongoUnchained · 18/12/2015 04:25

I trusted my boyfriend but it didn't stop every slag he came into contact with when he was away at sea Hmm
Don't be so naive.

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 18/12/2015 04:37

I have a second facebook account in a fake name and I am sure I am not the only one. I think you should look at the profile by searching for it seperately rather than by clicking on the message. See if the person has any friends or photos at all. If not it's possible she set up the account purely to get this message to you. In which case you should be concerned.

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 18/12/2015 04:39

Although i don't think clicking on the message can do any harm. It doesn't mean the person in question has any access to your account unless you add them as a friend so it makes no difference to anything.

Nataleejah · 18/12/2015 05:16

Could the sender be... Drunk?

Blush i've embarrassed myself once by sending an extremely weird message on FB to a guy i hardly knew. Something that made no sense at all.

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 18/12/2015 05:25

no-one would send a message like that accidentally though. Even if they were drunk, they knew what they were saying and why they were saying it.

Either they are a troll who may or may not have picked the OP at random, or the OP's husband is up to no good and someone is telling her….

TerrorAustralis · 18/12/2015 05:32

Facebook has changed messaging so that if you get a message from someone who is not a friend you have to click to accept it. Previously messages would go to an 'others' folder that most people weren't aware of and might never check.

It doesn't sound like a scam to me and I would definitely investigate further. I would ask for details/proof to rule out someone being malicious and causing trouble.

TwoTonTessie · 18/12/2015 05:48

I would ignore it at the moment and expect that if it were genuine the sender will follow it up as they would be wanting some kind of response from you. It doesn't sound like spam to me though,sorry op.

Tooloudandincrediblyclose · 18/12/2015 05:55

Ive had one asking if im single and looking for love.

Seemed very generic!

Ive also sent random messages to name twins saying Hi!!!

Tooloudandincrediblyclose · 18/12/2015 06:01

Oh Op, just read other posts.

A big yes! I had spam or some random weirdo FB last week.

Or perhaps this message was meant for your name twin?

Not everyone is bonking around!

lifesalongsong · 18/12/2015 07:17

I don't normally get any messages from anyone I don't know but why do you have to click to accept the message after you've read it?

I can see why you'd need to do it beforehand but why afterwards, that doesn't seem to achieve anything

GloriaHotcakes · 18/12/2015 07:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gabsdot · 18/12/2015 08:23

I got one once from a guy who said he saw my profile picture and thought I was very attractive. At the time my profile picture was a flower.

Original poster
katemiddletonsothermum · 18/12/2015 10:26

Thanks for your messages, both reassuring and otherwise!

  1. This AIBU is not "is my husband having an affair?"
  2. This AIBU is "will I get hacked if I click on this dodgy fb link?"
  3. I'm keeping calm because I'm convinced it's a troll and I don't want to throw a hissy fit the week before Christmas. If there is any ball-slicing to do, I'll do it in the New Year.

[santa] Xmas Confused Chocolate Wine

OP posts:
LaurieLemons · 18/12/2015 10:38

Honestly I would look, if it's just someone being nasty then she won't reply or have any evidence etc. you can always block afterwards.

ColdWhiteWinePlease · 18/12/2015 11:13

If someone has gone to the trouble of setting up an anonymous Facebook account, purely to send you that message, AND she said "even tonight" and that was the night he was indeed out, then I'd say there's something to it.

My friend had the exact same scenario, only it was pre internet days. Her DH was on his Christmas Do and the OW anonymously phoned to tell her that her DH was cheating. They'd been seeing each other for 6 months and she was pushing him to leave my friend. He was showing no signs that he'd leave his marriage. She got annoyed.

It's Christmas. A time for family and all that. An OW might be feeling mightily cheesed off that her man is not going to be with her at Christmas.

I'd take this very seriously indeed. Sorry. Flowers

Kaytee1987 · 18/12/2015 11:29

Could it be a colleague he doesn't get on with? Then they would know he was out that night.
If I got a message like that I would be freaking but not at DH because he's not a cheater and I have always known when I was being cheated on in previous relationships.
Some people are very malicious and op knows her husband best.

amarmai · 18/12/2015 11:34

weird coincidence when he's at a party . I'd be checking .

CatsAreLikeChocolates · 18/12/2015 11:36

Good point OP, so in answer to your question no you won't get hacked if you click the link as this isn't dodgy but in fact a change to the way Facebook works. Good luck...

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 18/12/2015 11:37

If you visit Facebook normally, from your own browser and not through the email, does the message show in your inbox there?

If it does, there is no harm in visiting her profile and you won't get hacked. It's a legitimate message. Whether it's true is a different matter, but if it was sent through Facebook's system, it won't be a hacking attempt.

You won't appear in her "People You May Know" from viewing her profile. You'll probably appear there anyway as she's sent you a message now, so that's a redundant point. It probably is a fake profile, set up to give you the news. Unfortunately, that's quite common, especially in younger generations. You'd need to do some detective work to identify who the person actually is. Or respond and ask them.

Re the buttons - you can accept messages from people who aren't friends now. You can also click a button to show them that you have read the message. The first one is compulsory to see the message, the second is up to you. As you've accepted the message, it's pretty clear that you've read it, so it's a bit pointless clicking it again now.