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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

birthday party and star wars issue -- 30 minutes to decide!

22 replies

hasselback · 17/12/2015 14:29

DD (6) is thrilled to have been invited to "the birthday party of the year" and is being taken to see Star Wars this afternoon. I haven't really been paying attention was surprised she wanted to go in the first place (hasn't ever seen a Star Wars film and shown no interest to date) but didn't really worry about it. Then I found out how long the film was (she's exhausted end of term blah blah) but she still said she wanted to go. Because I've had my head up my arse and frankly couldn't care less about Star Wars I've also only just this minute discovered its 12A. My children are all too chicken to watch PG films and I KNOW she will find it upsetting and terrifying. I've already agreed (when I found out how long the film was) that if she wants to come home in the middle / at the start they are to call me and I will come and collect but should I be the parent here and not let her go at all? (That feels mean and unreasonable ... but equally ...)

Argh! Help!

OP posts:

BrunhildaOfTheSea · 17/12/2015 14:30

If they said they will call for you to collect her what's the issue?

You have a plan in place. Let her go!

CFSsucks · 17/12/2015 14:32

I've never watched Star Wars but I don't think I'd let a 6 year old watch a 12A if they were particularly sensitive and certainly not one I hadn't seen myself.

MangoBiscuit · 17/12/2015 14:33

I'd let her go too. Only reason I'm not taking DD1 (6) with me to see it is I want to watch it without her whispering questions all the way through!

CFSsucks · 17/12/2015 14:33

Oh, however, as you had said yes I don't see how you can tell her no now.

chillycurtains · 17/12/2015 14:36

She will probably behave fine in the cinema, in terms of tireness and the length of the film, just because she is at a party and not with you.

Regarding the rating, hmmm, that is pretty young to be going out to see it without parents and a bit naive of the party arranging parents not to point it out.

I would way up the stress DD would receive if she doesn't go the party from other children versus the potential scariness of the film.

PopcornFrenzy · 17/12/2015 14:36

DH watched Star Wars last night and said he wouldn't be happy for DS who's nearly 6 to watch it

SavoyCabbage · 17/12/2015 14:37

My youngest (8) is not going. She wouldn't like it I don't think. It would be OK at his me but part of the problem is how loud it is. However, she might be fine if it was a party with her friends rather than with us.

JE1234 · 17/12/2015 14:40

I saw it last night. It's not particularly frightening but, as you would expect, there are some big fight signs and deaths etc. I personally think the content would be OK for most 6yos but she may get bored.

Original poster

hasselback · 17/12/2015 14:43

To give some context: Polar Express gives her nightmares ...

OP posts:

JE1234 · 17/12/2015 14:47

Ok, in that case... Rain check

Original poster

hasselback · 17/12/2015 14:47

I had originally decided that mostly she would be bored and that would be the biggest (non-)issue, but that was when I assumed it would be a PG rating. I think I'm going to talk to her about the rating and tell her what it means and then leave it up to her, and maybe work this afternoon in the café near the cinema ...

OP posts:

Original poster

hasselback · 17/12/2015 14:50

Thanks for feedback all - especially JE1234. It's really hard when it's a film almost no-one has seen and it's all speculation!

OP posts:

Enjolrass · 17/12/2015 14:52

The party is any minute?

That's really bad to cancel.

I would let her go and let them call you if there is a problem.

JE1234 · 17/12/2015 14:54

If you want any specifics drop me a PM, I just don't want to post any spoilers on here. As long as you are available to get her if she's uncomfortable then she may want to see a bit of it. It gets darker and more violent towards the end but there's a pretty hard hitting scene about 15 mins in. A good talk about how it's all pretend and people dressing up make mitigate that a bit.

notquitehuman · 17/12/2015 14:57

Make sure the adults taking them know she's a bit sensitive so she can leave if needed. It'd be rude to completely cancel now.

I was easily freaked out as a kid but never found Star Wars scary. Probably because it's in space and so doesn't feel like the scary bits could happen to you.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 17/12/2015 15:03

If they are going this afternoon the parents will have booked and paid for the tickets already. Are you going to offer to reimburse them for the ticket?

5madthings · 17/12/2015 15:04

Well am.guessing the parents of birthday boy/girl have pre booked and paid for tickets so if she doesn't go you need to offer to reimburse imo. It's quite bad form to drop out of a party this late notice unless poorly.

Tbh when you got the invite you should have checked tgat the film was suitable before you said yes. We are taking our son and some of his frirnds to see star wars on Saturday for his bday. Had to book tickets in advance etc £13!! Each. It's not a cheap bday treat and is a big deal to ds3. If at the last minute someone decided not to go like this I would be annoyed. Ds3 is older however.

I would take her but be prepared to sit in the cinema foyer with a book incase she needs to come out.

BertrandRussell · 17/12/2015 15:15

My 14 year old went last night. He says he would have been scared when he was 10. He also said it was really sad and he cried. But he is what his great grandma calls a daft soft ha'poth.

Why on earth do people ignore age ratings like this?

Stillunexpected · 17/12/2015 15:20

I think it's very poor of the parents who have invited the children not to point out the parents that it is a 12A. Surely they should have done that so people cold make up their own minds about whether they wanted their children to go or not? I hope they've also got a plan in mind if they have to deal with lots of bored or upset children in the cinema!

Mysteryfla · 17/12/2015 15:43

We like this page. It has real parent reviews of films.

www.commonsensemedia.org/movie-reviews/star-wars-episode-vii-the-force-awakens

CFSsucks · 17/12/2015 21:25

What did you do OP?

I think this was a very poor choice of party for a bunch of 6 year olds! Not all children are in to Star Wars, what's wrong with party games at home or soft play at this age.

Original poster

hasselback · 18/12/2015 10:03

CFSsucks she went; I stayed in the café (and worked and got LOADS done so didn't mind and my level of anxiety was reduced); I spoke to DD and told her it might be scary as it was a 12A and she wasn't to stay if it upset her; she said she wanted to take a cuddly toy with her which we provided; I spoke to mum of birthday child who sat next to DD -- and I gave warning about the incident 15 minutes in (THANK-YOU JE1234) at which time she hid behind her toy. Other than that she made it all the way through; and gave me a 25 minute run down of everything that happened in the film (which I couldn't make head nor tail of apart from the slightly disturbing detail that light sabres go dark where the blood is once they've been shoved into someone's body ...); she slept fine and woke up singing this morning. Phew! Was the right thing to do to let her make all the choices here and in retrospect I was over-reacting (but I have older DS who has sensory issues and cannot handle cinema at all under any circumstances which gives me distorted lenses to look through!).

OP posts:

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