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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want my kids to open their presents on Christmas Day?

106 replies

whatwouldaudreydo · 17/12/2015 13:47

I LOVE Christmas! I start buying presents very early and very rarely pay full price on anything, so by Christmas I've usually spent about £300-£400 on each of my two DC, including stocking presents from Santa and tree presents from me.
(Not looking for judgment on spending level - each to their own I say, and I don't really buy them anything throughout the year, apart from a bit on birthdays.)

We'll be staying with my DPs for xmas. My brother, his partner and my niece are also coming on xmas day (they alternate between our DP and her DP so get 2 xmas days each year in effect). They have just spent a fair whack on my niece's birthday last week and also bought themselves a big ticket (6 grand) 'luxury' item a few months ago - don't want to out myself so staying vague if that's ok! With this in mind they decided they'd have a more 'frugal' xmas (again no judgements please, frugal means different things to different people) and have spent about £150 on my niece.

My dilemma is, my DB has asked that my DC are not given all their presents on Xmas day so as not to make their DC feel 'bad' she's not getting as much.

My argument is that it's not anything to do with me what they've chosen to spend their money on, it's none of their business how many presents my DC will be getting and I want my DC to open their presents on actual Xmas day in front of me, not Boxing Day, when they'll be with their dad for most the day.

Also, practicality-wise, I wrapped them all ages ago so have no idea what are the more expensive things, or what are the cheaper things in order to make sure that they'd have their 'main' presents on xmas day iyswim!

Apparently I'm now the selfish mean Aunty who'll be ruining xmas!

AIBU to think that I should be able to give my DC their presents at the same time I would on any other Xmas day and not comply with my DB's requirements just because they've cut down this year?

And when did this all get so bloody complicated....?!

Please be gentle with me, it's my first AIBU and I just want some different perspectives from non-family!

OP posts:
NA200712 · 17/12/2015 16:36

Its not your problem that they have decided to have a cheaper Christmas. If your kids still believe in Santa how can you explain that Santa hasn't delivered all their gifts and he will be "back later" with them. It doesn't work like that. Maybe they should have thought about their £6k item after Christmas.

Ipigglemustdie · 17/12/2015 16:38

No idea whether reasonable or not but wow that's a shit load of money to be spending on tat a kids going to forget about before the new year.

Catsize · 17/12/2015 16:46

Are the children really going to notice? Will both 'budgets', I guess there will be an overwhelming amount of presents, and will they really compare monetary value or number of presents? I think that would be more of a problem that needed explaining.

And I really wouldn't explain to any of the children that DN has been given less because X, Y, Z reason. That will create more problems than it will solve.

I just have visions of £1000+ of presents for very young children in one room and feel a bit Hmm

Notimefortossers · 17/12/2015 16:47

I held back commenting on your spending as you'd specifically said in your OP that you didn't want us to. (Although as a pp said, if you didn't want us to you shouldn't have given us figures! Your could have made your point without telling us how much).

But since others have started it . . . honestly I'm really interested?! What on earth have you bought for that amount of money?!

I thought I had gone overboard this year and I have spent half that! The kids have 8 main presents each and an uncountable amount of little bits and pieces . . . surely more than that would be overwhelming and potentially make them spoilt?

AndNowItsSeven · 17/12/2015 17:00

My dc would never open all their presants by 10 am partly because we go to church and partly because it's much nicer to spread gifts out.
If dc just ripped into one presant after another how do they have time to appreciate them?

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 17/12/2015 17:04

Well if the main presents for your dcs are from you and the stockings are relatively minor gifts then I would choose a couple of presents to give your dcs in the morning before your brother arrives.

Having said that, we often spend Christmas with my db and his family and tbh I have no idea how much they spend on dn or whether the children receive a similar number of presents. The children are more focussed on their own presents than anything else. It's really a non-issue for us.

Original poster
whatwouldaudreydo · 17/12/2015 17:04

I'm sure there are people on here who will spend far more than me. My DC won't really get anything from their father, and nothing but a few bits of (usually inappropriate) tat from any of his wholly uninterested family. We don't have a big family so it'll be a £10ish present from my DB and my parents and then the stuff from me.
More than a lot of kids certainly, but also less than a lot of kids. It will all be used (clothes, craft stuff etc), read and played with. It will all be loved, looked after and appreciated, and then eventually sold or passed on. Interestingly their actual requests for Christmas are minimal and they are definitely not spoilt. Maybe I have gone overboard, but as I said before, that is to do with my feelings around Christmas, not their expectations.
However it's certainly food for thought for next Christmas.

OP posts:
Notimefortossers · 17/12/2015 17:12

That's what I mean though . . . you can't possibly have spent £400 on clothes, craft stuff and books?! I would run out of things to get them! I think you're mistaken OP I think that £400 per child is a massive amount by anyone's standards. There might be a few people who spend more than that, but not a lot.

As a pp said, I really think that kids should be taught that Christmas is about a lot more than presents

mintoil · 17/12/2015 17:18

YANBU, but if she isn't coming until ten won't you already have opened the presents?

When my DC were that age they were up at 6am!!!

Just open before she comes - they are being really cheeky.

Original poster
whatwouldaudreydo · 17/12/2015 17:35

No, obviously I haven't spent it all on crafts and books! They were examples of the smaller stuff, they have a few 'main' presents as well, including a Micro scooter and accessories for the youngest, and an lightly-used Xbox with some games for the oldest.
Not sure that I really have to justify my spending or run a list by everyone for approval! And I said £300 to £400, could well be nearer 3, haven't tallied it properly as been squirrelling stuff away since March. Hope that's ok!

And as for the Christmas being more than presents, yes that is true, to a certain extent. We are not religious and we have lots of traditions not involving gifts, mainly surrounding food! However, presents are a big part as they were when I was a kid. I don't think I need a lecture about what Christmas means, because actually I'm allowed to define exactly what it means to me. Maybe if I called it something else....?

OP posts:
Notimefortossers · 17/12/2015 17:46

Calm down OP. I was just curious. Maybe think twice before posting in AIBU next time . . . some people usually say you are!

Original poster
whatwouldaudreydo · 17/12/2015 18:00

I am calm thank you, but I think you misread my OP. I didn't ask AIBU about my Xmas present spending, however I am perfectly happy to be told I was BU for the situation with my DB. Thanks for the parenting tips though.

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 17/12/2015 18:06

If you want to spoil your children, why not do it for their birthdays? Surely their birthdays are more special than Xmas?

Notimefortossers · 17/12/2015 18:10

I didn't misread it and I'm not going to repeat myself . . . maybe you've misread my PP's, or not read them at all!

I also haven't been sarcastic or aggressive with you, so don't know why you are being that way with me

Original poster
whatwouldaudreydo · 17/12/2015 18:16

Aggressive?! Hardly! Sarcastic, a bit. Apologies for offending you if I did. I wanted opinions on the situation with my DB, not opinions on whether I've spent too much on my kids, or if they understand the true meaning of Christmas - whatever that is!!

OP posts:
Notimefortossers · 17/12/2015 18:23

I understand that, which is why I held off initially, but as others had started it I couldn't help posting my feelings on the subject too (I'm shit at keeping my gob shut). And as myself and another PP said before . . . if you don't want opinions on it, don't tell us!

Thanks for the apology though

laughingatweather · 17/12/2015 18:26

It depends on whether you're happy for your children to open multiple presents in front of another child who has much less.

It's really not about spending or what your DB is doing, it's are YOU happy with that scenario?. If you think you are then do what you like because they are your presents to your children.

attheendoftheday · 17/12/2015 18:34

I think you're being a bit mean. Your dn is only 6 and it will be hard for her. I thought it was standard to make sure young children have roughly the small ballpark (in number/size rather than cost) of pressies when together? A bit like you wouldn't give one child a cake and not the others?

6 is young to have to learn that life isn't fair. And Christmas Day isn't the day for it.

DinosaursRoar · 17/12/2015 18:44

Attheendoftheday - if the OP and her DB just manage the timings, there's no need for the DN to see the pile of gifts her cousins have got - they aren't due until 10, and the OP could ask them to arrive a bit later. If OP gets her DCs up and opening at 8am, it's unlikely they will still be going an hour and half later. At which point, you say "got to tidy up before your Uncle and Cousin get here, can you take [at least half the pile] up to your rooms?" then the DN arrives, opens her gifts from her Dad, with her cousins already done. She doesn't need to know they had more parcels to open than her.

This would only be an issue if the OP is expected to make her DCs wait until their cousin arrives before they start opening and do it all together, or if she is the mother of that rare thing, a small child who isn't up at first sparrow fart on Christmas morning...

ToffeeForEveryone · 17/12/2015 18:45

YANBU. If it bothers your brother, he can get a few more cheap last minute presents for his DD to unwrap. Very unreasonable for him to expect you to compromise your long-planned DCs Xmas to spare his DDs feelings.

DisappointedOne · 17/12/2015 18:48

a small child who isn't up at first sparrow fart on Christmas morning...

Yup. Got me one of those. Grin

rookiemere · 17/12/2015 18:53

You probably already have big empty stockings for your DCs.

So you could put some of the real presents as well as actual stocking fillers, then let the DCs open those before DB comes.

That way they aren't opening their presents, they're opening their stockings which everyone knows is done first thing and in the bedroom.

ghostspirit · 17/12/2015 19:01

explain to your brother that his daughter will also get more things on boxing day. your kids will not. (if) his daughter says anything he can then explain that there might be more surpises tomorrow.

stabbybitch · 17/12/2015 19:43

YANBU. If it was my brother I would tell him to get fucked, and to tell his spoilt brat that's not always about her! Also don't worry about spoiling your children at Xmas that's your prerogative just as its your DB prerogative to spend less.

DisappointedOne · 17/12/2015 19:47

Today 19:43 stabbybitch

YANBU. If it was my brother I would tell him to get fucked