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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want my kids to open their presents on Christmas Day?

106 replies

whatwouldaudreydo · 17/12/2015 13:47

I LOVE Christmas! I start buying presents very early and very rarely pay full price on anything, so by Christmas I've usually spent about £300-£400 on each of my two DC, including stocking presents from Santa and tree presents from me.
(Not looking for judgment on spending level - each to their own I say, and I don't really buy them anything throughout the year, apart from a bit on birthdays.)

We'll be staying with my DPs for xmas. My brother, his partner and my niece are also coming on xmas day (they alternate between our DP and her DP so get 2 xmas days each year in effect). They have just spent a fair whack on my niece's birthday last week and also bought themselves a big ticket (6 grand) 'luxury' item a few months ago - don't want to out myself so staying vague if that's ok! With this in mind they decided they'd have a more 'frugal' xmas (again no judgements please, frugal means different things to different people) and have spent about £150 on my niece.

My dilemma is, my DB has asked that my DC are not given all their presents on Xmas day so as not to make their DC feel 'bad' she's not getting as much.

My argument is that it's not anything to do with me what they've chosen to spend their money on, it's none of their business how many presents my DC will be getting and I want my DC to open their presents on actual Xmas day in front of me, not Boxing Day, when they'll be with their dad for most the day.

Also, practicality-wise, I wrapped them all ages ago so have no idea what are the more expensive things, or what are the cheaper things in order to make sure that they'd have their 'main' presents on xmas day iyswim!

Apparently I'm now the selfish mean Aunty who'll be ruining xmas!

AIBU to think that I should be able to give my DC their presents at the same time I would on any other Xmas day and not comply with my DB's requirements just because they've cut down this year?

And when did this all get so bloody complicated....?!

Please be gentle with me, it's my first AIBU and I just want some different perspectives from non-family!

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 17/12/2015 14:19

She sounds very entitled. Not surprising her dad would make a request like that.

I'd say you go with the original plan.

Notimefortossers · 17/12/2015 14:23

That's a good point. She won't necessarily even know she's got less. 6 year olds don't know how much things cost.

I am very jealous that you've finished wrapping btw

LauraChant · 17/12/2015 14:23

Well done for still having presents to open by the afternoon, ours are done and dusted by breakfast! (But visiting relatives bring more when they come).

chillycurtains · 17/12/2015 14:24

YANBU but how about some honesty with your DC and tell them that DN is getting a few less presents this year and so you are going to save a few presents for Boxing Day morning so she doesn't feel left out or sad. I can't see how your DC would be upset with that.

That said I wouldn't go too far with trimming down the presents. You might find that your DB has bought more presents than he has said about or has even realised. Children don't often add up the price of presents so if they have spent £150 on small gifts and you have bought bigger ones that cost more then the actual amount of presents could balance out iyswim.

Notimefortossers · 17/12/2015 14:24

I've spent more on my 4 year old than my 7 year old, because they each wrote a list with the same number of things on and the 4 year olds just happened to add up to more. Granted only by about £50. My 7 year old won't have a clue.

Original poster
whatwouldaudreydo · 17/12/2015 14:24

Thanks everyone. Don't want to make my niece feel bad intentionally, but did feel my DB was being a bit ridiculous saying I would spoil xmas. And no, if it were the other way round he would certainly not withhold presents!

Always useful to get a range of opinions as my DPs are sitting firmly on the fence!

OP posts:
SisterMoonshine · 17/12/2015 14:25

I'm sure they could put another £100 worth of presents in, but they're not.

I think you can manage to do it in a way that isn't all "in your face, horrid, obnoxious 6 year old niece"
If I were you, I'd be uncomfortable with my DC's £300 - £400 piles of presents when there is another child with a fair bit less.

It sounds like they'll all be getting more presents on Boxing Day, not just the niece.

Set an alarm if you think your DCs won't be up in time to open some presents before 10 o'clock.

Witchend · 17/12/2015 14:27

How old are your lot?

Because my dc actually like some presents another day. If we're away now then FC comes when we get back as he doesn't want us to have to leave presents we haven't got space for behind. Wink No they are too old to believe that now, but they did initially, and they loved the second Christmas day so much they asked for it the next time.

RB68 · 17/12/2015 14:30

HA ha you could always turn the tables on him and say well I only spent £50 each on them this year so perhaps you could just wait till boxing day, We have never had this as we don't stay in extended family for Christmas but I think perhaps one or two things from M&D on top of stocking for ALL children and then the rest waiting at home. Although it feels mean to not get on the day Santa does deliver fully to their real home etc. It is awkward and he should be teaching his daughter to behave better even if she is jealous of what others are getting, I would be ashamed if my daughter kicked off over something like this and be having words with her Christmas day or not

Original poster
whatwouldaudreydo · 17/12/2015 14:38

My DC are 4 and 11 (with SEN) so delayed gratification is not a concept that they'll embrace!

Tbh I'm not sure my niece would really notice, although I am very much in the 'wrap absolutely everything separately' camp, remembering that it was very much a quantity rather than quality thing when it came to xmas when I was a kid.

OP posts:
SushiAndTheBanshees · 17/12/2015 14:38

Selfish parent has selfish child - shock horror!

Can't believe your DB would even suggest this. It's so ridiculous, don't even know where to begin with all the wrongs in what he's asking.

Maybe just tell him to be a parent to his child: it being about the thought behind the gesture, she should be grateful for what she has, it's not a competition, this is the way we do things in our family other people do things differently etc etc.

Breathtaking!

DisappointedOne · 17/12/2015 14:41

Selfish parent has selfish child - shock horror!

Also applies to the OP.

BrushtheHeat · 17/12/2015 14:41

I see your point and your reasons for feeling like you do. And your DB is being unreasonable in his request which has possibly put you on the defensive.
It's not your niece's fault she has been brought up to be spoilt and not share.
It's not her fault her parents have spent their money on other things this year.
If the difference in present from FC are particularly obvious, it could result in a very upset niece who thinks she has not been 'good enough.'
I don't know how old your dc are but if DN is expected to be understanding and reasonable when faced with a much smaller amount of presents than her cousins then your children should also be understanding enough to have some presents now, some later. A sad, disappointed Dn could put a real damper on things.
A compromise should be found here, I feel, with you dc having maybe 3/4s of their presents and the rest on Boxing Day.
It's Christmas, season of goodwill and anyway, it's just nice to be nice to each other, isn't it?!

BrushtheHeat · 17/12/2015 14:42

Sorry Op, didn't see your post about SEN. But why not hide some of the presents from them o they have a surprise on Boxing Day morning?!

MTPurse · 17/12/2015 14:43

You are not being unreasonable AT ALL op!

Whaleshark · 17/12/2015 14:45

I think you should consider keeping some presents out of sight of your niece. The money side of things is irrelevant, but it would be awful to have one child run out of presents to open, while the other two opened another 4 or 5 presents each. I have to confess I checked with Dsis to find out how many presents her DC had to open, to avoid that exact situation.

Admittedly your brother could just buy a few more presents, but it is not your nieces fault if he won't. Can you open some presents in your bedroom with your DC, rather than with the others, just so it is not so obvious?

CherryPits · 17/12/2015 14:45

Er, why don't you have a special Christmas Eve surprise for your kids, Santa delivered some presents early and they get to open them while sitting by the tree with the lights on? Like they do in Finland.

Then they will open the rest when they arrive on Xmas day.

Original poster
whatwouldaudreydo · 17/12/2015 14:46

Also, it is usually my DCs looking on, eg when my DB and his partner go to her DPs private villa with swimming pool for holidays that we would never be invited to....so perhaps that is making me a bit less sympathetic to my DBs pleas for restraint! However, all credit to my DCs they understand that some people are just luckier than others.

And I would NEVER let my kids open a huge pile of presents in front of a child whose parents couldn't actually afford to give them a lot, not just choosing not to.

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 17/12/2015 14:51

honestly? people worry because they have "only"spent £150 on their child?

it all sounds horribly competitive. id rather stay home and open the presents in peace.

CherryPits · 17/12/2015 14:53

Yes, it does sound horribly competitive. Why not meet them later in the day, when these shenanigans are all over and done with?

BrushtheHeat · 17/12/2015 14:54

Whether it's through parent's choice or not, it still has the same effect though? Confused I could spend more on my DCs but I'd rather save and avoid them being spoilt. Also, your Dc's aren't actually watching them at the villa are they? I really think you're taking your anger at your brother out on your niece. Not particularly kind of you.
Your brother might be a dick, don't let your niece suffer for it, be the better person.

whois · 17/12/2015 14:54

i think just day 'sure brother, no problem. We'll keep some back at home'.

And keep one small thing for each Child back at home.

LaurieLemons · 17/12/2015 14:55

I think they are being unreasonable. Don't kids need to learn that some people will have more toys/nicer things than them and some people will have less. £150 and £250 is not a huge difference especially to a child. As op said how would they know how much they all cost? I would understand if they could only afford £20 or something. I would either explain all this to him or just say you left a few at home if you want a quiet life.

LaurieLemons · 17/12/2015 14:57

Sorry meant pp

Original poster
whatwouldaudreydo · 17/12/2015 14:58

In defence of my DB, I don't think any of it is maliciously selfish if that makes sense - he's not a horrible person! I just don't think he's actually thought out his request properly.

And DissappointedOne, I guess you must be perfect and acquiesce to everything asked of you then without a second thought? I hadn't made a decision, I was canvassing opinion.

I'll talk to my DB and see if we can come to a workable compromise.

OP posts:
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