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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset my baby has no separation anxiety

79 replies

Imknackeredzzz · 17/12/2015 05:50

I know this is a silly thing to be upset about ! Don't flame me!

My almost 8 month old little boy shows absolutely no signs of any separation anxiety at all- and I'm stupidly finding it quite upsetting.

If I leave the room he barely notices, can leave him with anyone he's never seen before and not bothered at all. I feel like maybe he's not bonded with me- am I doing something wrong ?!

OP posts:

LaContessaDiPlump · 17/12/2015 09:45

My older one didn't really do it at all when he was tiny; oddly he can be quite clingy now at age 4.6!

The smaller one definitely preferred me but not to the extent that he couldn't be swayed by a cuddly toy

ifonly4 · 17/12/2015 09:53

Don't compare you're relationship to your friends - it sounds like you're doing a great job as he obviously feels very happy and secure. You're obviously giving him the right amount of love and attention he needs. Try and enjoy watching him being independent and be proud of him. Having a child is a big learning curve, no one can tell you how to bring them up as we're all different.

My DD is a teenager now, but I'd say she's always been quite independent from us. She's putting too much pressure on herself to do well in GCSEs (there's no pressure from us), but other than that is happy, packs her life with things she enjoys doing, has some very close friends at school but lots of general friends, doesn't get in trouble. She does seem to confide in us if she has something on her mind, so knows we're there for her. What more could we ask for?

MooseAndSquirrel · 17/12/2015 10:28

8months DD2 was fine with any body....seriously even strangers at a friends party would get a cuddle & smile....at 12months she's a bloody Velcro baby that just wants on my hip to be happy. But its not just me, she stresses when her sister leaves her and when my mum goes!
Its stressful although ive got used to doing everything one handed only thing that keeps me sane is knowing it will pass!!
DD1 never had SA, she wasn't bothered when id leave

Bumpsadaisie · 17/12/2015 10:50

FWIW I think it often starts somewhere towards 12 mths, peaks at around 2-3 yrs then fades.

waitingforsomething · 17/12/2015 10:55

You're lucky - it's awful when they scream for you even though you are leaving them in safe hands. I used to hate it and cry once I had dropped dd off at nursery.

SchnooSchnoo · 17/12/2015 12:06

Dd1 was like that. I could leave her with anyone. Went to nursery at 9 months with no tears, and as she got older would cry when I came to pick her up! She was more clingy when she started school though. We have a very strong bond and I have no doubt she adores me.

Dd2 is 14 months and screams every time I leave the room! We have spent a lot of time in hospital, which might have contributed, but I think it's partly personality. It has definitely got worse since eight months, so it might just be a bit early.

I wouldn't worry. It's great when they don't have separation anxiety. I really felt for other mums who had to deal with the crying at nursery drop-off and was grateful that I didn't have that problem with dd1.

Dontunderstand01 · 17/12/2015 12:07

Enjoy it while you can! I have to go upstairs and leave my ds with my dh otherwise he wouldn't go near him in favour of me. It breaks my dh's heart as he adores him but he is extremely clingy to me. No idea why- he loves nursery and is very social and confident.

Ds is 18 months btw.

Francescal88 · 17/12/2015 12:16

You're lucky - my DS had such bad separation anxiety when I returned to work when he was 9 months that I had to quit my job after three months. He used to scream and cry and refuse to eat or drink all day till I returned.

Strangertides1 · 17/12/2015 13:20

I'd say don't count your chickens......ds2 was the same up til about 15 months. Now he's 22 months and he's my shadow, he prefers me in sight and crys a little at nursery drop off but still settles well.

Pidapie · 17/12/2015 13:29

Whilst separation anxiety is often a positive sign for attachment, I'd still think 8 months is very young :) Keep doing a good job, respond to his signals and look him in the eyes lots. Read up a bit on attachment theory if you're worried, there is a lot of advice within the studies that have been done.

amankaura · 05/03/2022 05:41

@Imknackeredzzz how is ur naby now, or in which month he had sep anaxirty.?

OmgIThinkILikeYou · 05/03/2022 05:53

My DS never had it, he is nearly 2 now and will quite happily go sit and cuddle most new people (embarrassingly not my auntie though, for reasons I have no idea of. She is a lovely woman)

I like it although I do understand why you feel a bit sad. When he started nursery I was expecting him to at least look a bit sad that i was leaving on the first day. Nope! Quite happily wandered off into the room and didn't even look back. I laugh now but did sit in the car and have a cry at the time.

PercyPiginaWig · 05/03/2022 06:06

ZOMBIE 🧟‍♂️

OP's baby is nearly 7 years old!

Gnomechange · 05/03/2022 06:10

My daughter went to nursery at 10 months old. No issues, happily handed over! I was a little upset yes 😂 However it was pointed out to me she was so confident and happy she was able to do it easily.

That’s me rationalising, obviously babies who do get upset are also well cared for and confident!

BuanoKubiamVej · 05/03/2022 06:43

Your baby is only 8 months old. There's a long marathon of development stages ahead. At this point your baby hasn't yet realised that you are a separate, conscious individual that theoretically could be unavailable when needed. That's ok. When a child develops this understanding then a little anxiety is normal and a lot of anxiety isn't unusual. A low amount of anxiety is neither evidence of amazing parenting achievement or a low level of parental bonding. A high amount of anxiety is neither a signifier of a heightened level of insecurity nor of a heightened level of love between parent and child. It's all random. You are doing your best and your baby is ok.

BuanoKubiamVej · 05/03/2022 06:47

@PercyPiginaWig

ZOMBIE 🧟‍♂️

OP's baby is nearly 7 years old!

Oh ffs.

@amankaura please don't resurrect 7 year old threads with enquiries about the outcome for a specific child from a situation so long ago. It's such a waste of time.

Landedonfeet · 05/03/2022 06:50

neither of my two did

They are SO happy and confident that you will be back for them - they simply don’t get anxious

My two primary and secondary now are the most confident, settled and happy kids you could imagine.

Covid? A distant memory for them. They adjusted to lockdown. They adjusted to going back to school.

It’s a good sign op

Summerfun54321 · 05/03/2022 07:10

Be careful what you wish for!

daisy46 · 05/03/2022 07:19

YABVVU. Just wait.

daisy46 · 05/03/2022 07:20

@PercyPiginaWig

ZOMBIE 🧟‍♂️

OP's baby is nearly 7 years old!

Thanks. Why are people so ridiculous?

MrsLargeEmbodied · 05/03/2022 07:27

it will come op,
bit young at 8 months imo

MrsLargeEmbodied · 05/03/2022 07:28

oh ha ha

zombie

Doratheexploret · 05/03/2022 07:28

I’ve got 3 kids. None of then have ever had any sort of separation anxiety. They are adults and teens now.

LemonadePockets · 05/03/2022 07:47

I absolutely get this! I used to feel like this too.. she’s 6 now & I have to shove her into school and run every day now & I can’t go to the bathroom without her coming with me.

You’re loved! Enjoy the freedom while it lasts ;)

jamandmarmaladeoncrumpets · 05/03/2022 07:51

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE

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