AIBU to tell daughters dad that he can sod off asking if her can come to her birthday and shove the expensive present up his behind.

[cindylougerm]

There is alot of back history so bare with me.

Daughter is turning 2.
She was born poorly and had been poorly ever since.
She has spent 22 months out of 24 months in hospital.
Her dad left us when she was in nicu om life support at 2 weeks old.
Has only visited 3 times since.
Once was her first birthday ( because his mum wanted to so he acted like the good dad ) this was a after 8 months of not seeing her.
This year he has visited once about 7 months ago.
She had open heart surgery and I rang him to tell him she was going down, he did not ring for 3 weeks to see of she was ok.
She got sick 13 weeks ago and ended up on life support - could not get hold of him for weeks.

We are getting out of hospital 2moro for.our first real xmas and bday at home.
We have organised a party for our families and friends and he has just rang to say he is coming with his mum ( she probably initiated it ) so he will come and act like father of the year

This is a and I use the term very very loosely 'man' who left his poorly defenceless little baby. When she was on a life support machine and when you needed support more than ever. And he thinks he can make up for that by rocking up with an expensive present. and be welcomed back into this beautiful brave little girl's life. Like nothing has happened. He's got to be delusional. He thinks a TV and DVD makes up for abandonment . Material things are nothing compared to love and time given.
I think you've gathered from my post ynbu. I doubt anyone will or have said yabu.

I am not sure whether he struggled with her prognosis and got scared so always try to think that maybe its fear and try to accomadate that

Bloody good job one parent stepped up and got on with the job of Being a Parent then, wasn't it? You've had to deal with all the stress and worry and care without a finger being lifted by that excuse for a man.

About time he learnt to manage the 'fear' and be a useful person in his daughter's life - not just pitching up for the glory.

I hope she has a lovely birthday and Christmas and that he FOTTFSOFATFOSM as they say on Mumsnet!