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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

They "forgot" to invite me to Xmas party.

63 replies

RatBoggles · 16/12/2015 17:05

Me and another other woman in my team are both on mat leave and neither of us been invited to the work team Christmas do. It's tomorrow - an evening thing and has been planned for weeks. I've just had a fb message from someone in the team to say: "oops. I forgot to invite you."

AIBU to feel more than a bit put out? Tbh, I feel very much cast aside since I announced the pregnancy and have been away on maternity leave. Out of sight is out of mind, even though I'm due back to work in a couple of weeks...

OP posts:

TeaFathers · 16/12/2015 17:12

YANBU. its crap to be forgotten about.
but it does happen. i agree some people are very much "out of sight out of mind".
but if you can go and want to go, then go.
but i wouldn't make a fuss about the issue. you'll just end up looking bad even though none of this is your fault.

RhiWrites · 16/12/2015 17:14

Wow, that's discriminatory. They're not actually legally allowed to just forget you.

I hope they make it up with a lovely card and present but don't hold your breath!

teacher54321 · 16/12/2015 17:14

I wasn't invited to either of the big parties at work (Christmas and summer ball) when I was on Mat leave and I wouldn't have wanted to be TBH.

trinity0097 · 16/12/2015 17:15

You're not at work, so why would you be invited to a work do!?

KP86 · 16/12/2015 17:16

Are you kidding, trinity?

OddBoots · 16/12/2015 17:16

It's not nice to be left out but if you knew your work does something at Christmas did neither you nor the other woman contact them a few weeks ago to ask the plans?

Is it an officially organised and paid for thing or an informal 'do' that staff arrange themselves?

DoreenLethal · 16/12/2015 17:16

You're not at work, so why would you be invited to a work do!?

Because it is a social event and a benefit that the person on maternity isn't getting therefore officially it is discriminatory not to offer it.

TheSecondViola · 16/12/2015 17:17

If you're due back soon, you've been out for months and months. And people didn't have you forefront of their minds in work? How dare they?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 16/12/2015 17:19

We have to pay for our own work do - I dont think it would occur to anyone to invite people who were on mat leave.

Fatherwishmas · 16/12/2015 17:20

I didn't get an invite for the Christmas party when I was on maternity leave and if I had of been invited then I wouldn't have gone. Wasn't offended just not deemed to be in work. My other female colleague was same, we didn't expect to see her whilst she was on Mat leave either.

TheDowagerCuntess · 16/12/2015 17:20

I really wouldn't take it personally - there are probably group emails that the invitation went out to (so easy to forget who is and isn't on them), it's busy at this time of year, etc, etc.

It can be hard when you're home on maternity leave, with all the mundane routine - but I'm sure they didn't mean to be thoughtless.

KP86 · 16/12/2015 17:21

The office manager/EA, or party organiser should have made contact to all staff who are on long term leave. To not do so is rude. Doesn't mean that the staff member will want to come, but they should be given the opportunity, same as everyone else. They are still a part of the team, and keeping in touch while away makes a huge difference in reintegrating when you return.

Original poster

RatBoggles · 16/12/2015 17:22

It's only a small team - I don't expect to be "at the forefront" of anyone's minds. I just don't think it's hard to count up to ten when planning a do. The Christmas party is an annual thing. Even though I'm on maternity leave, I'm still an employee and part of the team. It's no biggie really, just makes me feel a little undervalued.

OP posts:

FishWithABicycle · 16/12/2015 17:23

We always invite colleagues who are on mat leave even though we all pay our own way. But that's because we are a friendly bunch who genuinely like each other and the people who are on mat leave generally pop in for a social visit (not a kit day, just to say hello and show off their baby) around once a month so it would be virtually impossible to forget about them.

GreatFuckability · 16/12/2015 17:23

What kind of do is it? One organised by the company or just people informally going out?

Original poster

RatBoggles · 16/12/2015 17:26

It's an informal affair. We all pay for ourselves. A meal and some drinks afterwards.

OP posts:

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 16/12/2015 17:31

In that case I would be surprised if they did invite you.

It certainly isn't 'discrimination' as its not a work organised event, just a few people going out

Snoopadoop · 16/12/2015 17:35

Wow, that's discriminatory. They're not actually legally allowed to just forget you.

Don't be daft! It's an informal works party at Christmas. Not nice to be forgotten but hardly illegal or discriminatory.

Original poster

RatBoggles · 16/12/2015 17:36

I've popped in 3 times since I've been off to say hello/ show off baby and I've been out on a leaving do, so it's not like I've dropped off the earth.

I'm swinging by the office tomorrow as we're having a settle session at the nursery. Will play it cool and pretend like I have some fabulous prior engagement.

OP posts:

MitzyLeFrouf · 16/12/2015 17:38

'They're not actually legally allowed to just forget you.'

Luciferbox · 16/12/2015 17:39

My work forgot me. About a week before they realised and invited me but I'd already accepted another invite to go out locally with friends. The girls in work then felt bad so we are going out tomorrow at a time/location that I can work around childcare. I know it wasn't personal but it still felt rubbish seeing it unfold over fb.

PuppyMonkey · 16/12/2015 17:40

Tell them you'll see them there!

Alicewasinwonderland · 16/12/2015 17:46

oh....

I've never thought about inviting women who were on maternity leave. I didn't get invited to company events either during mine (Christmas, summer party, weekends away). It would not have occurred to me at all either way. I bet if we did invite everybody, someone would complain that they were pressured to go back to work early, you can't win.

As friendly as you can be with work colleagues, I wouldn't have thought anyone really wanted to socialise with work whilst on leave. I do have a few friends met through work, but that's different.

Don't take it personally. If someone called you saying they forgot, they obviously were far from malicious!

ricketytickety · 16/12/2015 18:07

Surely they have now invited you then? Can you go?

Stimpack · 16/12/2015 18:09

It's not fucking illegal to not be invited.

Fucking hell I've heard it all now.

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