Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

They "forgot" to invite me to Xmas party.

63 replies

RatBoggles · 16/12/2015 17:05

Me and another other woman in my team are both on mat leave and neither of us been invited to the work team Christmas do. It's tomorrow - an evening thing and has been planned for weeks. I've just had a fb message from someone in the team to say: "oops. I forgot to invite you."

AIBU to feel more than a bit put out? Tbh, I feel very much cast aside since I announced the pregnancy and have been away on maternity leave. Out of sight is out of mind, even though I'm due back to work in a couple of weeks...

OP posts:
rookiemere · 16/12/2015 18:13

Oh for goodness sake.

I've come to the conclusion that organising any sort of works related social event is the most thankless task ever evented, worse perhaps even than Motherhood.

They forgot. It's not brilliant but it's not the end of the world. Email someone you're friendly with and get them to send you an invite.

DamsonInDistress · 16/12/2015 18:17

If it's a formal works do then they would be wise to have invited you - maternity is a protected period and covered by discrimination legislation. But this sounds somewhat less formal so I'm on the fence tbh.

Iggi999 · 16/12/2015 18:23

Work do - invite everyone who works there. Being on ml doesn't mean you don't work there anymore. Group of friends going out - do what you want.

DoreenLethal · 16/12/2015 18:39

It's not fucking illegal to not be invited

Of course it is not illegal. But it could be considered discriminatory.

TheSecondViola · 16/12/2015 18:51

They're not actually legally allowed to just forget you.

I think you'll find there is no law against a memory lapse. Hmm

As for discriminatory, try taking that to a tribunal "Waah, someone forgot to invite me to the xmas party!"
I sincerely hope they'd tell you to do one.

And she told you about it before it happened, so there is your invite right there.

BrianCoxReborn · 16/12/2015 18:53

My tale of woe that still grates, 2 years on.

I was due back off ML in the January.

Around early November I had asked my manager (and, I thought, friend) to let me know the details of the Christmas party and the factory Christmas buffet/raffle/secret Santa. The factory was 95% female, so mat leave dealt with regularly and people on ML always included in events.

End of November, hadn't heard anything. Had called a few times for a chat, seeing when my KIT days were and to discuss return to work, each time my manager was unavailable.

Early December managed to catch her unexpectedly, she was take aback and sounded flustered. She explained that the company were paying for the party, as I'd been off they didn't think i'd want to come. Even though her other friend arranged it all and she could have said "Brian wants to come" the same way that I had done the year before, when manager was on her ML.

I let that go and asked who I'd got in the Secret Santa and what day was the buffet (again, I'd sorted all this out for her the previous year) "Oh we're not doing it this year". Fair enough.

A week later a letter arrives. Potential redundancies and could I come for a meeting.

Yep you guessed it, I was made redundant and the official date was actually my oroginal return to work date. Convenient.

She'd known all along. Senior management didn't want me back as my role had been absorbed by my manager's second in command during my absence. They didn't say that though. They had sought legal advice on how to make me redundant without legal redress, should I have pursued it

To add insult to injury, I bumped into one of the factory girls a few weeks later and was told."Oh we missed you at the buffet, every one was hoping you'd be there"

Cunts.

orlakielyimnot · 16/12/2015 18:57

I think it's really nice that you'd want to go and I'm sorry you've been left or. Clearly is hurt your feelings and that's how it is. Personally I've never thought to include someone who's on mat leave, sick leave, unpaid leave, whatever. I do know of one person (v large team)who made it known she wants to be invited to things, and she is. Is It the culture where you work that other mat leave people have been invited previously?

waxweasel · 16/12/2015 18:58

if work invite me to anything when I am on mat leave my reaction is 'uuuugggghhhhhhh quick, what can I say to get out of this one and make them go away??? Why can't they forget I exist?!'. Thankfully I have moved teams since last time so should be less of a problem this time. Last time they were all fervently keen joiner-inners - I got invited to away days, planning meetings, all bloody sorts. One woman actually turned up to a full day planning meeting with her 6mo!!! I was Shock that she would bother.

MultishirkingAgain · 16/12/2015 19:04

But you know, I've read numbers of threads in here started by women on maternity leave who have felt pressured/offended/harassed to be asked in to work for various reasons, while on ML

Can't have it both ways ....

Iggi999 · 16/12/2015 19:06

Brian, that's exactly how these things go. Of course no one is going to go to a tribunal over the Christmas night out. But it could certainly be used as evidence in a list of discriminatory practice against a member of staff.

Iggi999 · 16/12/2015 19:08

Of course we can have have it both ways - offer the opportunity to go to a social event or a KIT day, don't pressure anyone to come in for meetings etc. How is that hard? Oh these pesky women wanting it all again...

BrianCoxReborn · 16/12/2015 19:09

I was in the grip of PND at the time (they didn't know.this) and although I contacted ACAS who told me I had been treated unfairly and had a case, I just couldn't go ahead with it as I was too unwell.

BabyGanoush · 16/12/2015 19:15

Lol at the office party as a "benefit" and it being discrimination and illegal Hmm to not invite people who are on ML

Goodness OP and Iggy

Get a life

A work do..... as if that is even fun

slightlyglitterpaned · 16/12/2015 19:18

Formal work Christmas parties at my place. We wouldn't dream of excluding someone on mat leave, that would be horrible. Up to them whether they come, it's optional for everyone, but so far not a single woman has missed one.

BrianCoxReborn · 16/12/2015 19:20

Work Christmas party had always been the pinnacle of.excitement for me during my working year.

Maybe I was just lucky and have always worked with fun people.

GoApeShit · 16/12/2015 19:30

I didn't get invited due to budget issues. I tell myself they couldn't afford all the gin I would drink Couldn't give a shit. I'm not at work - why would I care about not being invited?

Iggi999 · 16/12/2015 19:34

Baby, did you actually read my posts? I find I manage life just fine without the need to discriminate against anyone or make anyone feel unnecessarily left out or uncomfortable. Sorry if that isn't "lol" enough for you.

thelouise · 16/12/2015 19:37

I occasionally get forced roped in to organise the work Christmas do. It's more stress that the job itself and I'm a flaming social worker, one of the UK's top 5 more stressful career choices! They forgot by accident, clearly not purposefully leaving you out, hence why it's not discrimination. YANBU to feel miffed but I'm sure the party organiser meant no ill feeling.

Frazzled2207 · 16/12/2015 19:41

This happened to me. I was meant to have been invited but the person who it was delegated to "forgot".
2nd mat leave they were careful to invite me!

maybebabybee · 16/12/2015 19:45

I'd be overjoyed if I didn't have to go to my work Christmas do Grin

I'm about to go on mat leave and I dont think it would ever occur to me to be offended by not being invited to a work social event tbh.

Pinkhousealreadyinuse · 16/12/2015 19:52

This particular do doesn't sound like a benefit but where work pay for a part or all of a party/whatever, it's deemed as a benefit and you are taxed as such. Although the company can pay the tax on your behalf. It should be on your p11d

RatBoggles · 16/12/2015 19:53

Yikes! My post wasn't ever going along the lines of "discrimination", it's a party for goodness sakes. It's just a bit inconsiderate not to consider close colleagues feelings. The culture is such that people who left the team long ago get invited. Spouses too sometimes.

Iggy, you talk perfect sense to me.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 16/12/2015 19:53

It didn't occur to me that I would be invited while on maternity leave.

Ifiwasabadger · 16/12/2015 19:59

Oh dear god, the discriminatory posts make me cringe. Surely this is no big deal? Do you really want to go to the Christmas do when on may leave? I did this and couldn't wait to leave.

Let it go.....

JamesBlonde1 · 16/12/2015 20:02

Some people are on maternity leave for a full year so when you don't see sight or sound of them for that length of time, and the remaining staff have their noses to the grindstone, it's obvious they're going to be forgotten about. Its a team doo so obviously something arranged between them and not the employers so of course it's not discriminatory. Geeez.

Swipe left for the next trending thread