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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

They "forgot" to invite me to Xmas party.

63 replies

RatBoggles · 16/12/2015 17:05

Me and another other woman in my team are both on mat leave and neither of us been invited to the work team Christmas do. It's tomorrow - an evening thing and has been planned for weeks. I've just had a fb message from someone in the team to say: "oops. I forgot to invite you."

AIBU to feel more than a bit put out? Tbh, I feel very much cast aside since I announced the pregnancy and have been away on maternity leave. Out of sight is out of mind, even though I'm due back to work in a couple of weeks...

OP posts:

bettyberry · 16/12/2015 20:03

I think its just manners to invite all employees to work events even if they are taking time out for mat leave or any other kind of leave. As an employee it just shows your employer cares. Its a decent thing to do and gives you the chance to decline. By not inviting it can leave people feeling a bit sour and other employees feeling awkward/not sure if they should bring up the party in conversation.

Does it really hurt an employer, formal or informal event aside, to send out an invite to everyone whether its paid for or pay yourself?

trinity0097 · 16/12/2015 20:23

Most Christmas parties are not organised by the 'employer' as such. I frequently organise social events at work, however they are not official work events. I invited all staff that have been working in my workplace this term to our end of term social event (non-official!), but didn't specifically invite the teacher on maternity leave (has now been off nearly a year), unless she had checked her work emails and trawled through thousands to find the group email invite.

As for it being discrimination not to invite someone who is NOT WORKING at that current time, what a load of rubbish! It's this type of attitude that gives mothers a bad name and makes some employers think twice about employing people who might go off on maternity leave! Now I know it's discrimination to not employ someone because they might go and get pregnant, but it's a significant risk for small to medium sized businesses to have to take on if someone gets pregnant and then is off for a year, especially for the period of time when they are paying two salaries.

PickledLilly · 16/12/2015 20:32

I wasn't invited when I was on mat leave and I was really upset because we are a very very small team and id only been gone six months and had previously invited someone who was on mat leave, although thinking back I think it was my suggestion to invite her. Last year I don't think they had one or maybe they just didn't invite me again, I was off sick but not for the sort of reasons that would have prevented me attending. This year it's another person who is off on maternity leave, so of course, I suggested we invite her. She's really pleased to be invited and says it will be really helpful to catch up with everyone before she comes back to work in the new year. So how come she didn't think of that when I was off? Am I the only one in the team who isn't completely thoughtless? Because we've had three people go on maternity and two of them were invited and accepted and I'm the only one who was forgotten!

Janeymoo50 · 16/12/2015 20:37

Discrimination for a social get together? I've heard it all now. I note that I wasn't allowed to claim discrimination when I was refused flexible working hours to cut down a 5 hour commute but the mothers in the dept were allowed to leave early for whatever child related matter arose and come and go as they like. But, that said, we invited our ladies on ML and none ever came.

Iggi999 · 16/12/2015 21:34

What protected characteristic did you think was the source of that discrimination, Janey?

Pinkandbluemcdonald5 · 17/12/2015 00:06

It's good manners to remember someone who is on ML, they are still on the payroll so should also be thought of.

But, if someone has gone on ML and been off the radar completely for 7mths, it's not that bizarre for them to be forgotten about.

If you want to be part of the team, keep in touch. Ask about the Xmas night out. Work teams often end up working harder to cover Ml.

Do you keep in contact with your friends at work?

chrome100 · 17/12/2015 05:08

I also would not expect to be invited if I were on maternity as you are not working.

MumCodes · 17/12/2015 05:22

I've not been invited to my Xmas party this year because I'm on mat leave. :( I've got a 6 week old so there's no way I could go, but it would be nice to think I didn't cease to exist to them soon as I left.

So no, YANBU.

RhiWrites · 17/12/2015 05:23

I was the first person to mention discrimination here and I'm not being 'daft'. I'm a team manager aware of my obligations to colleagues - and one who remembered to invite the one on may leave to the holiday lunch.

(I don't call ours an Xmas do because we are a multifaith team and once again it could be discriminatory to badge it as for Xmas. My organisation expects us to be on top of this stuff.)

I'm not saying I personally would lawyer up for this. I'm saying that this could be brought as evidence of discrimination. And just as mat leave in the first place is a right, so too is being included in all employee benefits.

Having said that, even in my right-on organisation I know of a woman who wasn't notified while on May leave that her boss was retiring and came back to find her maternity cover her boss. Now in her position I would be consulting a lawyer. These things can be a slippery slope.

RhiWrites · 17/12/2015 05:24

May leave = mat leave (autocorrect, sorry)

maybebabybee · 17/12/2015 06:28

Rhi sorry but that multifaith thing is total bollocks. My office has two hundred employees including those of all religions and we have a Christmas party. My very lovely boss is Muslim and we also have a 'team' Christmas do. What a load of absolute rubbish - no one on earth I know of a different culture or religion is remotely offended by a Christmas 'do'.

I mean, I hate them. But I hate all parties.

bobsalong · 17/12/2015 07:27

I'm meant to be going back in February from maternity and I wasn't invited to the Christmas do either. Luckily I'm handing my notice in soon :)

NerrSnerr · 17/12/2015 07:46

Has anyone ever taken an employer to court in the UK for feeling discriminated against as their workplace has a Christmas party? I doubt it.

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