Is it me or H?

[HappyFuckinChristmas]

Please can you tell me if I abu or he is?

I have been out of hospital for a week, after having 2 back operations. I have a 6 week sicknote for work (family business - his).

A couple of days ago I got free tickets for a show on the 8th January. I am back in work on the 18th. I told H when he got home and said I'm glad its while I'm off so I don't have to worry about going or taking time off work for it. Well war broke out then! He has basically said I'm a pisstaker and if I'm well enough to go out having a laugh with my friend I'm well enough to go to work.

This is a 2 hour max show and is totally different to sitting in an office chair for 8 hours a day! He has told me that he's told everyone in work and everyone thinks I'm a dick and out of order.

I wasn't allowed to go to my friends who only lives down the road and would be picking me up too, on Saturday night for an hour either, same story if you're well enough to go there you're well enough to go to work. Bear in mind it is perfectly fine for me to go to his mothers all day on xmas eve with the family who all think I'm a dick!

Before you tell me to LTB, I've already said I want a divorce. Not because of this! This is the last thing in a long line of shit he's done to me. I just want aibu opinions because he is making me doubt myself with guilt trips about work.

You've had 2 back operations. Bet he didn't tell his workmates that!!! He's just being mean because you're not well and an easy target. Yes, of course a concert is different to 8 hours at work. How does he not allow you to see your friend? If he physically restrains you/locks you in he is breaking the law. Unfortunately, him giving you a load of shit is verbally/emotionally abusive but harder to protect yourself from legally...roll on your divorce. Can you find a way of living separately from him for now?

He just wants to make you miserable, doesn't he?

There are no children. He cancelled our IVF without telling me, after we waited nearly 3 yrs for it. I found out when the doctor's secretary phoned work to speak to him to find out if it was a mistake

Oh god he sounds like a cock. You're not 'allowed' to do xyz. Fuck'im

Very true, sgb. I went out with a friend once after my DD was born and ExH 'accidentally' locked the front so I couldn't get back in the house. He 'didn't hear' the phone, the bell, the door knocker. It took me shouting up that I was worried about DD and phoning the police for him to suddenly 'wake up' and open the door.

Night out totally ruined.

And you only think his friends/family think you're a dick because he has told you this. Classic abuser tactic to stop you telling people the truth about him and to isolate you. He might well have told them a pack of lies about you.

These types of men suck the joy out of parenthood.

You know you are right and you know he is a selfish, self centred twat.

Send him to his mum's for Christmas and spend your time as you see fit. Just think, he could be nothing but a bad memory this time next year.

I am afraid I partially agree with him.

If you are well enough to go to see a show, then you are well enough to go back to the office for a few hours, gradually increasing your hours ESPECIALLY if it is a family business.

I think it is pretty probable that if any of your work colleagues think someone is a dick in your marriage, it isn't you.

Thing is Alice I never said I wouldn't go back gradually. He never asked, just assumed!
I was working everyday before my ops when I could barely even walk

He cancelled our IVF without telling me, after we waited nearly 3 yrs for it.

I just...he did what? Wtaf?

He's a wankstain.

Get rid. Then, when you are well, throw the biggest fucking party ever. I'll come and bring a cheesecake!

You sound so much better off without him.

If you worked for a company with an Occupational Health dept., they would no doubt be recommending a phased return to work

Exactly this. Six weeks is a long time to be signed off work and a decent employer wouldn't expect you to be unfit one day and fit enough for 8 hours work the next. So you'd have a phased return to work. Also, there's no doubt that sensible, enjoyable activities are likely to hasten your recovery. Not set it back.

I also very much doubt that your h's family think you are a dick. That's what he'd like them to think because he reckons it justifies his unreasonable behaviour. But I bet they'd be horrified to discover they are being manipulated in this way,

If his family are nice I'd go and see them on Christmas Eve. But not to please your husband who, quite frankly, needs to be history.

alice are you the OPs husband?

Oh, you can tell your nobby husband that a sick cert is an official document, it means when you are signed off for 6 weeks, you cant work for 6 weeks.

If you were to go back early and have an accident, you wouldnt be insured because you shouldnt have been working.

LittleMiss77

hahaha so funny

He's a cunt. Tell him to jog on.

Go to his family's on Xmas Eve and tell them exactly what he's been saying to you and not 'allowing' you to do.

I got a two week sick note for a broken arm once and I said to the doctor that I had a lot of work to do. She said "Work doesn't matter. Fixing your arm matters. Take two weeks off and go shopping." I did, and it was a good idea. I think that part of it is that mobility matters too. If you sit stock still for 6 straight weeks you'll cease up and that's no good. It's actually good for you to get out and have manageable amounts of enjoyable activity. It promotes healing and helps keep your mobility good while the injury repairs itself.

Your husband sounds as if he has problems with his priorities. Possibly he has been up to his neck in the business for so long that he's forgotten what actually matters. I wonder if he needs a long holiday?

"Get rid. Then, when you are well, throw the biggest fucking party ever. I'll come and bring a cheesecake!"

I'll come too and bring a gin drizzle cake!

It's a 6 week recovery period for you, not house arrest ffs. Of course he is being an arse.

Cancelling your IVF without even discussing it with you is beyond shitty.

Do you not have anyone else you could spend Christmas with?

He sounds charming...not!

YANBU. You may have a sick note but that does not mean you are to be bed bound or under house arrest! Also, to be able to build up to a phased return to work, you will need to do activities to help you build to this. If this is walking around the shops, visiting a friend etc....So. Fucking. What. Is he per se a doctor or a medic...no!

Who the feck is he to dictate? If you are separated now, I wouldn't involve him in anything. Don't ask or tell him what you have planned, just do it.

Op, you know he's awful and are going to divorce, please yourself on Christmas day, and let him go by himself to his family. This would be the icing on the cake for me, and help me in my decision to divorce him.

He did you a big favour cancelling that IVF, thank god you don't have children with this twat.