Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To be upset that people think I'm boring just because I'm not loud?

85 replies

ExesAndOhs · 16/12/2015 09:25

A colleague at work yesterday said that he thinks I'm boring because I'm quiet.

I don't think I'm boring at all. I'm not loud, and I am fairly quiet until I've got to know someone a bit, but I chat, have opinions etc. I guess I'm just a bit reserved at first.

This isn't the first time that someone has described me as boring; a mum friend did a couple of years ago when a group of us went for a meal. She was going round the table saying what her first impressions were of everyone and she told me that her thoughts of me were that I'm boring, then she quipped "Nothing's changed then", and of course all of the others roared with laughter.

Why do people seem to rate super loud people so highly? AIBU to feel upset that people think I'm boring?

OP posts:

UkmmTheSecond · 16/12/2015 11:11

I'm quiet and really nervous, I have Bell's palsy and since 12 years old I've been teased because when I smile and chat only half my face and mouth moves. It really dented my confidence when I was a kid and I thought people would grow out of making jokes but sadly at 36 I still get it from twats and sometimes when meeting new people. It makes small talk very hard for me because I can see people pretending not to notice and try not to be rude and I feel bad for them too, so I always come off as weird, probably rude too as I try not to smile, and because I don't like to draw attention to myself and do things like dancing, telling jokes, public speaking, anything that has people looking at me, I probably seem boring too.

tictactoad · 16/12/2015 11:12

Lord above.

If ever I've seen a case for the Mumsnet mantra 'did you mean to be so rude?' this is it. Twice over.

Don't spare them another thought, OP.

BrianCoxReborn · 16/12/2015 11:12

My OH is so unbelievably quiet.

He is also funny, warm, thoughtful, generous, loving, kind.

Not everyone sees that side to him, so I imagine they think he's boring. But they're wrong. He can make me cry with laughter with just a few words or a look.

He has a saying "if you've nothing nice to say, say nothing" I am the opposite. I have to fill lulls in conversation, I am quite loud and I will have a bitch about anybody who pisses me off.

They say opposites attract eh?

littlemermaid80 · 16/12/2015 11:19

I think I would rather spend time with you then with the two arses "extroverts" you describe in your post.

YANBU at all. Everyone is different. It takes all sorts. As someone else pointed out I wouldn't like to be at a table full of quiet people but then again I would hate to be at a table full of loud cocky people who love the sound of their own voices like The Apprentice

My DH used to be painfully shy. Having a conversation with him was like climbing a mountain. He wouldn't even make eye contact for the first couple of times meeting someone.
No one ever called him boring or mocked his personality. They took time to get to know him and bring him out of his shell. And once he was comfortable with someone he had quite a lot to talk about.
He's a lot more confident and chatty with people now, maybe being married to me has been good for him!

You sound a lovely lady OP and it seems you've had a couple of run ins with rude idiots. Ignore them. You're fine the way you are

grundrisse · 16/12/2015 11:23

I've never found a quiet person boring. The boring people I know are the ones who never shut up and just keep droning on and on about a subject in which no-one else has any interest whatsoever.

I'm sorry you've encountered such a rude set of people. You sound lovely, and interesting as a friend!

Lweji · 16/12/2015 11:32

You should also have gone round the table telling people what your first impressions about everyone were.

But at least tell her that you'd rather be boring than:
rude
too loud
annoying

Or tell her that you're glad she finds you boring, which means that she won't expect you to be her friend.

As a family, my siblings and partners and I are fairly quiet around others. We are not loud or boisterous. We are never quiet around a table. We talk and laugh. We just don't shout or talk over each other or go me, me, me.
Our friends tend to be like that, with rare exceptions, but not people who are rude and judgemental.

Viviennemary · 16/12/2015 11:40

I can't stand most loud people. They are very irritating to be around. Your Mum's friend wasn't just loud she was nasty and rude. There is no need to have anything to do with such people.

Damselindestress · 16/12/2015 11:42

That mum friend was horrible. I think it's much better to be quiet than the kind of person who blurts every hurtful thought that comes into their head. I hope you don't hang around with that group anymore, by laughing at you like that they showed they are not your friends. Your colleague was rude too. The problem is them not you.

whois · 16/12/2015 11:44

She was going round the table saying what her first impressions were of everyone

People who do that, are total cunts. HTH

MorrisZapp · 16/12/2015 11:46

I don't think that being boring or exciting is on the same spectrum as being quiet or loud.

I'm interesting and quite loud! I'm a full vessel that makes noise.

Some loud people are boring as all hell, so are some quiet people.

BabyGanoush · 16/12/2015 11:50

How ironic OP

I find loud people very boring!

seriously, all that hoo-haa and nothing to say, it can be so tiresome.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 16/12/2015 11:52

Yes it's not a quiet v loud issue. In my group of friends I'm the quieter one but when I'm with the inlaws I feel like foghorn leghorn. You get rude fuckers in both camps.

MorrisZapp · 16/12/2015 11:53

What about people who have lots to say?

BreconBeBuggered · 16/12/2015 11:53

People who call others boring just because they're quiet or not roaring drunk are in my experience a bit short on brain capacity. Volume does not equal entertainment value. It doesn't exclude it either, but those who manage to be both loud and interesting still need an audience to avoid fading into the general cacophony.

Yodeleyheehoo · 16/12/2015 11:55

OK that was rude.

But I'm loud doesn't mean im awful though.

I love quiet people. My oh is very quiet but what he has to say is often potent stuff.

Yodeleyheehoo · 16/12/2015 11:57

Strangely though... am not drawn to other loud people
[Goes off to have an identity crisis]

descalina · 16/12/2015 12:01

These people sound incredibly rude.

I have probably described people as "nice but quiet" in the past though - generally people who I really like, but wish they were a bit less reserved as I really enjoy the interactions I have with them and wish there was a bit more to them!

Some people are boring because they say far too much of no consequence, others because they won't engage in conversation at all. It goes both ways!

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 16/12/2015 12:15

i have similar comments

i am secure in who i am i do not feel the need to change

i maybe boring to some people i am ok with that as some people are to me especially those that have to let everyone know how crazy they are

blueshoes · 16/12/2015 12:16

"She was going round the table saying what her first impressions were of everyone"

Is she 12?

OnlyLovers · 16/12/2015 12:29

blue, not to mention all the other cunts who 'roared with laughter'.

blueshoes · 16/12/2015 12:33

Wow, what fetid cesspit of vipers. OP, don't pay them any heed. Not worth the headspace.

ouryve · 16/12/2015 12:35

Did you tell her she was rude because she's, well, rude?

CatsRule · 16/12/2015 12:36

Wow how rude to actually say nothing's changed! Clearly not someone you want to know. People think I'm boring too because I'm quiet...what they don't realise is that I'm really biting my tongue and smiling and nodding at their thoughtless and stupid words

hefzi · 16/12/2015 12:48

fidel1ne you should be Queen! There - now you've only got to find one other person

I am quiet - in that I am not boisterous, not that I don't speak or engage or make an effort with others - and I have never been called boring. That might be because I associate and work with more polite people of course! But I do also think - and not saying this is your case, OP, but some of the comments on the thread make me ponder this - that sometimes people who are quiet can be hard work: if you're always having to make a big effort to draw someone out and make conversation with them, it does get tedious. It's not about being bad at small talk, or being shy - neither of those makes someone hard work: but people who use those as an excuse not to make an effort definitely are.

honoma · 16/12/2015 13:16

I've always been a very quiet introverted person although I don't care much what people think these days and it would bemuse me if someone accused me of being boring. I don't mind sitting quietly and observing, so it annoys me if someone thinks they need to draw me out and have conversations with me when there is no real need for it at all.

But people often cannot see past their own prejudices and I've learned how to work with that - it means I've been able to gain advantages simply because I don't fit into their assumptions and been able to get away with all sorts

Flip

1 2 3 4