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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that people think I'm boring just because I'm not loud?

85 replies

ExesAndOhs · 16/12/2015 09:25

A colleague at work yesterday said that he thinks I'm boring because I'm quiet.

I don't think I'm boring at all. I'm not loud, and I am fairly quiet until I've got to know someone a bit, but I chat, have opinions etc. I guess I'm just a bit reserved at first.

This isn't the first time that someone has described me as boring; a mum friend did a couple of years ago when a group of us went for a meal. She was going round the table saying what her first impressions were of everyone and she told me that her thoughts of me were that I'm boring, then she quipped "Nothing's changed then", and of course all of the others roared with laughter.

Why do people seem to rate super loud people so highly? AIBU to feel upset that people think I'm boring?

OP posts:
OTiTO · 16/12/2015 09:51

CheekyMaleekey I'll second StillStayibgClassys comment about your nasty post.

...which means, according to your logic, that if two people have called you a twat you probably are a twat

yoshipoppet · 16/12/2015 09:51

I expect people think I am boring, OP, as I am also a bit quiet. But now that I am getting older I find I no longer care what most people think of me.
It is one of the benefits of ageing :)

CheekyMaleekey · 16/12/2015 09:54

I also think to suggest it's because you're quiet is narcissistic. I know plenty of quiet people who could never be described as boring, and some loud people who could.

Take a look at your conversation content and patterns. I bet this is what's boring about you.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 16/12/2015 10:01

I shouldn't let it get to you op, it was a rude comment by people who don't know you very well. You are mistaken to describe people who are found to be "not boring" as necessarily being loud and shrieky though it

CastaDiva · 16/12/2015 10:03

Those two people were insanely rude to say that, OP - that's not up for debate. Put some anti-constipation meds in their tea next time you encounter them.

But I think that because you're hurt you're turning the opinions of two rude people into some kind of general principle. I don't think most people confuse volume or that 'I'm mad, me' kind of personality that invariably self-describes as 'bubbly' with interesting-ness.

It's perfectly possible to be loud and incredibly dull company, and perfectly possible to be quiet/reserved and equally dull.

IronGolem · 16/12/2015 10:03

As Eleanor Roosevelt apparently said, 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent'.

You don't like or respect these two people, so why care what they say about you?

OTiTO · 16/12/2015 10:05

CheekyMaleekey
Wtf! Are you trying to give the OP helpful advice now or are you just trying to disguise your nastiness?
You must lead an extremely boring life if you have to get your kicks from posting shitty comments.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 16/12/2015 10:05

I seem to be called 'quiet', and once, 'the really, really quiet one' - although I'm not particularly quiet with when with friends and family, and I'm certainly not boring. I tend not to be loud in large groups of people I don't know well, at the school gates etc. I can be the life and soul when I've had Wine Wink

I've also had people I don't know well, express surprise when I let my hair down on nights out: "oh, we didn't know you were like that etc" which is strange to me, because I know "me" iyswim. Even my BFF in sixth form told me once 'you really wouldn't know you are how you are from just looking at you' Confused I've been called a dark horse, and often had comments like "it's the quiet ones you need to look out for." I must just come across quite reserved when I don't know people well.

Very rude to call someone 'boring' - says more about them than you OP.

Pidapie · 16/12/2015 10:07

How very rude!!! Personally I find loud people very intimidating, nothing wrong with being a bit quiet when you don't know someone. Pfft, what silly people.

NoSquirrels · 16/12/2015 10:07

Good lord - how rude. Both examples. I actually can't imagine being in either of those conversations. I hope you made a snarky comeback?

I am a bit quiet i.e. I am not extremely outgoing and would describe myself as "fairly reserved until I have got to know someone". But I'd define that to mean not sharing overly details of my personal life with others until I am comfortable in the friendship, but I would always chat animatedly and interestedly with someone the first time I met them in a social situation, and would build on it from there. I would/do join in from the beginning, iyswim, but am just cautious about what I share, and am probably not the person to make the first move about invites etc. I am not naturally loud and giggly etc., or the first on the dance floor. But I don't hang back. Does that make sense?

Justaboy · 16/12/2015 10:09

I've got a mate he's an OK bloke really but he is LOUD!!! and in a way quite wearing. Means well but very wearing a few others are like me softly spoken and are really fine to be with. I have found that loud gobby people are underneath it rather insecure;!

RB68 · 16/12/2015 10:24

Response: That's alright I find shit more interesting than you so quid pro quo

But then people say I am quiet in company - but that's because I am sussing out those worth knowing

WorraLiberty · 16/12/2015 10:30

God they're very rude! Shock

But I agree with a PP who said it's probably nothing to do with not being loud.

Two people have found you boring and you've been unlucky that they actually told you.

But at the end of the day, you are you and for every person who finds you boring, there'll be a shit ton of people who don't.

CastaDiva · 16/12/2015 10:30

Those two people were insanely rude to say that, OP - that's not up for debate. Put some anti-constipation meds in their tea next time you encounter them.

But I think that because you're hurt you're turning the opinions of two rude people into some kind of general principle. I don't think most people confuse volume or that 'I'm mad, me' kind of personality that invariably self-describes as 'bubbly' with interesting-ness.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 16/12/2015 10:32

She was going round the table saying what her first impressions were of everyone

Hmm Who does that. Rude cow. Shock Ignore Cocky McCockerson at work too. Every workplace has one!

OnlyLovers · 16/12/2015 10:33

I hope you gave them both a Paddington hard stare and an icy 'How rude', OP.

Neither of them are worth more effort than that. Forget about em. Only give time and effort to less disagreeable people.

AnnaMarlowe · 16/12/2015 10:34

Just dropping back in to request that we please don't turn this into another 'extroverts are all awful' thread. Extroverts can't help being extroverts any more than you can help being an introvert.

I'm not 'insecure' just because I'm loud anymore than the OP is boring just because she's quiet.

It's possible to be rude and disagreeable regardless of how much or little you express yourself.

specialsubject · 16/12/2015 10:35

boring is drunk, drugged or self-obsessed (me me me ).

lose those tedious 'mum-friends'. Tell colleague he is an arse.

OnlyLovers · 16/12/2015 10:38

Oh yes, and I meant to say the 'mum friend' sounds like a nasty teenager. Ditch her arse.

seaweedhead · 16/12/2015 10:40

I'm fairly quiet too. I don't know if people think I'm boring as such but I've certainly been mistaken for a very serious person. People also seem to think I'm either a bit thick (I'm not) or a quiet genius (definitely not).
It's annoying when people are too lazy and self-obsessed to get to know you properly before making judgements.

RebeccaCloud9 · 16/12/2015 10:41

I think loud can be boring, especially if it's that incessant, irritating kind of loud! I'm quite quiet too and think some people think I'm boring.

RebeccaCloud9 · 16/12/2015 10:42

(Not all loud people, not generalising!)

fidel1ne · 16/12/2015 11:04

Cheeky's barking mad 'two people think it so it must be true' rule could be quite useful Grin I'm going to find two people to agree that I should be Queen.

OP the ridiculous quiet = boring trope is something loud, mouthy, vulgar annoying people often wheel out in passive-aggressive fashion. Please pay no attention whatsoever Flowers

Frenchfemme · 16/12/2015 11:05

You need my favourite quote - "better to be quiet and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt"!

fidel1ne · 16/12/2015 11:05

Just dropping back in to request that we please don't turn this into another 'extroverts are all awful' thread. Extroverts can't help being extroverts any more than you can help being an introvert.

Agree, and let's not confuse 'extrovert' and 'loud' again Smile