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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that December is not the right time to buy yourself lots of presents?

26 replies

BoboChic · 16/12/2015 09:16

DP has been on an online shopping spree, no doubt sparked by all the advertising around at this time of year. He has managed to buy himself everything anyone else planned to buy him (or, indeed, has already bought him) for Christmas.

This morning he asked me when I would have time to help him find some ideas for presents for the DC.

AIBU to think (a) he should refrain from indulging all his own wants in the run up to Christmas (b) focusing on others a little earlier in the proceedings might have been a good idea?

Grrrrr

OP posts:

atticusclaw2 · 16/12/2015 09:18

Id be making him hand them over and wrap them up for him (although we have completely shared finances and if your money is kept separate that might not work).

Sighing · 16/12/2015 09:20

Yeah, I'd just wrap them up. Impatient springs to mind!

Original poster

BoboChic · 16/12/2015 09:22

No shared finances and it goes further than just me!

OP posts:

OurBlanche · 16/12/2015 09:23

BIL has always done this. It is the only thing about PoisonousSILs life I have a little sympathy with.

She holds the purse strings tightly shut all year round, so she can pay for the necessary foreign holiday, and then she opens them up for him to buy all the presents!

Over the years he has spent all the money on a remote control car, ride on lawn mower (they have an average sized ex-corpy garden), iPad or phone, games consoles etc. All for himself and usually on Christmas Eve, all the time reassuring her all is in hand and then leaving her no time to do anything about it.

In 30 years that pattern has not changed. So yes, do have a strong word and get him to change now, or resign yourself to this being your Christmas experience.

Good luck!

Original poster

BoboChic · 16/12/2015 09:24

He always complains about not receiving the right presents. But he's impossible!

OP posts:

ottothedog · 16/12/2015 09:31

Oh well if he complains, he is a pain. Just stop buying grown men presents at all. I was going to say I do most of my shopping around xmas in all the price wars, but i'm not expecting any gifts so it doesnt matter. I usually give a few bits to dh to wrap although last few years i've even wrapped them as well :)

PaulAnkaTheDog · 16/12/2015 09:35

My dad does this. The problem is he has the money to spend on himself and he doesn't like us spending money on him. It's a bloody pain! Sent him out for a chicken on Christmas Eve one year and he came back with an iPad and a goose-.

yoshipoppet · 16/12/2015 09:46

I'd be tempted to get him nothing at all, but thats because of your comment about him complaining about what he is given. He sounds a bit rude.

BarbaraofSeville · 16/12/2015 09:51

Sorry but I think YABU. There are lots of great deals around at this time of year so if you see something you want/need why not buy it?

I don't see the point of presents like this for adults - token presents like chocolate and alcohol are all that is needed.

Most people want to choose and research their own stuff and often like to buy when they see a deal. Once you have done all that, you might as well just buy the item if you are an adult with your own money.

Why risk things selling out or going up in price if you don't get them for Christmas?

Original poster

BoboChic · 16/12/2015 09:58

Oh he hasn't bought a single deal. Full whack Mr Porter prices

OP posts:

IsItMeOr · 16/12/2015 10:06

This won't help for this year, but our extended family has a long-established (think since childhood) tradition of exchanging lists of ideas of things we would like to receive in the £10-£20 price range. DH and I exchange slightly more expensive ideas.

This way, nobody has to fret about whether somebody will like what they receive (so less waste), we all know that we mustn't buy the things on our lists for ourselves before Christmas, and as we usually suggest more ideas than there will be presents, there is still an element of surprise (plus I have usually forgotten my own list by the time Christmas comes along).

It has worked really well for us for decades.

For this year, just wrap up what you have bought for him anyway with the receipt, and let him sort it out after Christmas. Then suggest you do my idea next year...

LauraChant · 16/12/2015 10:16

Oh DH used to do this. One year when I was pregnant, working full time and looking after DS1 when not working (so not much time to buy gifts) he announced when I came home from work one day that he had just bought himself something which I had already bought him for Christmas. He is very difficult to buy for anyway. I think the resulting hormonal rant about "Why would you buy something for yourself just before Christmas? Why???" cured him of that though.

Having said that, CK One is currently reduced to £15 in Debenhams and I would buy myself that if it wasn't just before Xmas - I have been regularly pointing it out to DH instead.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 16/12/2015 10:23

he gets no presents, everyone returns their stuff and gets their money back.
or you could photograph the item being held by the person and wrap the photo with a "i bought you this message, but you got it for yourself already"

ihatevirginmobile · 16/12/2015 10:24

After many disastrous Christmas present experiences (someone spending way more than the other, missing hints or buying things someone didn't really want) a couple of years ago DP and I agreed to buy our own present - the other person wraps it with the DCs...and then we show great surprise on opening it.
(We are just present incompatible - DP used to buy lots of small (cheap) things for me - but things like a gift set with white towelling slippers...my slovenly housekeeping means white anywhere near floors is a real no no...then he was upset when he found I had been giving them as raffle prizes/ taking them to the charity shop...meanwhile one year I bought him some decent jump leads (£30ish) - he kept leaving his lights on and flattening his battery and then having to ask for jump starts (and now he uses them for his boat...) He had borrowed my old cheap leads, really short and the terminals were coming off ... so he would struggle and had been complaining - he was really disappointed, said they weren't a good present....I would have loved them! )

It means you can buy something for yourself that you might not normally ... but after a couple of successful years it is becoming a problem again....
I have bought something that cost £30 - which is a lot for what it is... really hard to find in the UK - one of the DCs knows I wanted it but couldn't find it for less than £55 and I really wouldn't spend that on it ...
It is a good present. I am more than happy. DC will be impressed that DP found/got one...
Meanwhile DP has been out buying himself lots of cheap bits - now he is saying I have to buy myself some more things or it will look unfair -he will have lots to open and I'll only have one thing ... but its all I want ...he is asking if there is anything I already have that DCs don't know about that he could wrap up ...FFS

latrilllis · 16/12/2015 10:29

I'd LTB. Seriously, I could not be with a selfish man-child.

TracyBarlow · 16/12/2015 10:32

Last year I bought my husband five presents. They weren't expensive, we were a bit skint, so I had to think hard and buy little things I thought he really wanted. He bought four of them for himself when he did his annual day-in-town to get my present two days before Christmas. I was fucking livid. They included things like slippers (I mean, who DOESN'T get slippers for Chritmas FFS).

This year I have told him he is not allowed to buy himself anything for the whole of December. He went in Asda last week and started murmuring about buying a couple of DVDs that I've already got him. I told him if he bought anything I'd chop his hands off

Spilose · 16/12/2015 10:32

YANBU that's seriously annoying. Me and OH have a rule that we refrain from buying things for ourself in the month of December incase someone is planning on getting it for Xmas.

Holstein · 16/12/2015 10:39

Never mind him. If my DH started murmuring 'what shall we get the children?' on December 16th, I would laugh him out of the room!
Christmas shopping is done before December in order to avoid things selling out, getting lost in the post, any other last-minute stress.
Just because you live in a city does not mean you can spend the week before Christmas flitting from shop to shop, simply finding what you want.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 16/12/2015 10:40

i thought everyone had a no shopping for yourself december rule, it appears once again i am wrong and other people are crazy stupid.

ghostyslovesheep · 16/12/2015 10:42

My ex husband had a habit of taking the kids to toys r us on Christmas Eve - the year they got two lots of operation and dd3 also got 2 elsa dolls I had to have a word!

StoptheRavelry · 16/12/2015 10:46

It's simple. Just buy the kids stuff you like

we have already opened a playmobil zoo here

Chattymummyhere · 16/12/2015 10:47

Surely most people don't buy thenselfs things in December that could be gifts?? We have already started to ingrain this is the 6 and 4yr old "mummy can I have that game/toy?"... "Nope we don't buy things like that as Christmas is only X days away and you never know what you might get".

Are the rest of his family like it?

SoWhite · 16/12/2015 10:47

January is for self-shopping. LTB!

ifonly4 · 16/12/2015 10:58

You need to have a word with him and point out what he's done. If he's not been happy in the past with presents chosen for him, perhaps he could provide a list of things he'd like that he's not going to buy beforehand! Fair enough if he works hard and has the money, he should have a few treats, but Dec isn't the best time when Santa will hopefully bring him some treats on 25 Dec. If I think of buying things on the run up to xmas where there's a possibility I might get them, I always tell DH what I'm planning so he can tell me to forget it.

On the other hand, you're lucky he's getting involved in sorting out prezzies for DCs. Fair enough, you've probably already done it. If you haven't hand that task over to him.

FinallyHere · 16/12/2015 11:21

See, this is why i hate the whole Christmas surprises for adults. Fine when you are children, or even struggling adults in the early days. I find myself avoiding buying things i would like, after the August bank holiday, so that DH can buy them for me for Christmas. At full price often without any special offers I would have liked to have. Sigh, what is the point of it all.

My family all do only token presents, or things that we really really know the other wants and cannot easy provide for themselves. DH's family, not so much. Sigh. I feel ungrateful but really, what is the point?

He claims that he would rather years of loads of £)/: presents for the occasional brilliant surprise. I really don't get this. Maybe its because, for me, lots of the fun of getting something is in the choosing, the research and getting something perfect. All sacrificed for the sake of an occasional winner.

Happy Christmas, everyone.

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