to not want to buy my own Christmas present?

14 replies

lifeinslowmotion · 15/12/2015 23:39

I've been with DP for 12 years and in all that time I don't think he has once bought me a Christmas present that has been chosen by him and that he has surprised me with. He doesn't have to spend a lot of money but I'm so fed up of having to buy my own presents or otherwise going without. So AIBU?

OP posts:

Nonidentifyingnc · 15/12/2015 23:48

No yanbu. It's not good enough for him to just not bother. But yabu to have put up with it all these years. Tell him to make a bloody effort.

citybushisland · 15/12/2015 23:54

No yanbu, I've been buying my own for 20 years (and his parents,siblings,nieces and nephews etc), but it's my own fault - I didn't appreciate the first christmas present he bought me so he told me I could buy my own in future and he'd give me the cash (joint a/c once married so moot). The first present btw was a nightshirt, with a crudely drawn and coloured cow with the caption 'Moo' FFS. my presents have cost him A LOT ever since

foxessoxes · 15/12/2015 23:54

YANBU. Give him a list on Saturday morning of things you want and send him out shopping. Or give him a tablet/computer/phone if he really cant be arsed. Will take him 10 minutes to decide a budget and buy from what you want.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 16/12/2015 01:09

YANBU. I was out buying my own Christmas present today and felt a bit

TheHouseOnTheLane · 16/12/2015 01:52

Mine asks me what I want which I always feel is a bit crap but at least he tries. In previous years I've told him "I like X shop. Go in there and use your imagination" and it did work....he asked the staff to help him bless him.

You could do that.

This year I did want a specific thing and asked him to get that.

Krampus · 16/12/2015 07:49

Please tell me that you no longer buy him one?

Thingschangingagain · 16/12/2015 07:52

City bush, it is not your fault. Your DP has used that as an excuse to not be arsed with present buying.

Krampus · 16/12/2015 07:57

Yanbu by the way.

80sWaistcoat · 16/12/2015 08:00

I have to tell him what I want. Otherwise I would get something, but it would be awful.

KakiFruit · 16/12/2015 08:00

YANBU. Mine cares and makes an effort but he has to have instructions for what to buy me. I love surprises and would rather he does what I do - think about the person, listen out for what they say, and buy something they want/need. But while I think my feelings are valid, I don't think it's fair of me to expect everyone to have the same attitude to gifts. So I tell him loosely what I want (this year I asked for a new handbag) and hope he chooses one I'll like.

In your case, are you saying if you don't go and buy one you don't get one at all? That's really shoddy.

citybushisland · 16/12/2015 11:12

Thingschangingagain It's pretty much his only fault, given the amount of fuckwit odd men roaming the earth I think I can live with it. That's not to say that I won't make him feel a little guilty about it thougn, all in the interests of marital harmony obvs

tictactoad · 16/12/2015 11:17

I buy my own because dh cannot be trusted but that's my choice. Going without if I didn't would not be an option for him though. He would at least try. Not even trying is appalling, OP.

Damselindestress · 16/12/2015 11:37

I think he deliberately screwed up the first present so he could use it as an excuse not to buy for you in future. What woman wants a nightshirt with a cow on it FFS? I'd give him a list of suggestions to help him decide but insist he actually picked and ordered and wrapped something himself. And why are you doing all the buying for his family? They're his responsibility. I help DH pick presents for his family but wouldn't do all the work. Your DP needs to step up. Christmas should be a special time for you too, not a stressful time when you buy all the presents, including your own!

citybushisland · 16/12/2015 13:36

I honestly don't think he did, he is just useless at shopping - some of the stuff he's bought family members before he met me shows that, I started buying for the rest of the family when I became a SAHM. This is a man who has to have me with him when he's buying clothes because he literally has no taste as far as he's concerned clothes are to cover your nakedness, no other reason!! He grew up in a family who only give presents because it's christmas or a birthday, no thought was ever put into said presents, his parents buy each other a cardigan every christmas just to have something to hand over then in January they take them back and use the money to get something else, it's mental! My family always put real thought and effort into presents even if money was tight and the actual present was cheap and cheerful.

Flip