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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my sister a massive pita

63 replies

breezydoesit · 14/12/2015 21:19

I have a 20 month old dd, I work full time and husband works away for about two weeks at a time...works in oil sector. My dd spends a day with DM and a day with MIL then three days with a lovely childminder whom my dd adores. She's also very close to dm and MIL too. I'm ttc and will go part time after second baby. I had 15 months MAT leave as well so only back a few months.

Anyway, sister has decided to tell me that my childcare arrangements are shit and I'm clearly not interested in my daughter,s well being since she's with child minder. She thinks that she should be at nursery instead. My DD is a healthy, happy, bright and loving little girl who (I think) has thrived in her surroundings but I just feel incredibly shit and I'm starting to wonder if I've made the wrong choice. It keeps me awake worried that I've done the wrong thing by my daughter. AIBU to be really fucked off with my sister or have I made a massive mistake with childcare arrangements? Help!

OP posts:
SocksRock · 14/12/2015 21:21

Tell her to do one. I don't work at the moment, but when I did I had childminders and MIL combo. My kids were devoted to the CM - she was totally awesome.

QwertyBird · 14/12/2015 21:24

Total bollocks. Childminder is my preference, actually, over a nursery. WTF is she interfering for any way? Tell her to mind her own business!

anotherbloomingusername · 14/12/2015 21:25

Yep, she needs to do one. CM's (good ones) provide a lovely and nurturing environment.

RiverTam · 14/12/2015 21:26

Everyone I know used a childminder first of all and then moved on to s nursery or pre-school between the ages of 2 or 3 depending on the child.

Very odd of your sister. Has she given any explanation for saying this? She's wrong btw.

RubbleBubble00 · 14/12/2015 21:28

what are her reasonings? Surely childcare is a personal choice based on your child's needs and personality

Bumpinthenight · 14/12/2015 21:28

My CM was my DD's second Mum. They had a brilliant relationship. DD left her 4 years ago but is so excited about seeing her in the hols next week. You don't get that sort of special care or relationship in a nursery.

TimeToMuskUp · 14/12/2015 21:29

You're damned whatever choices you make when you have children; there is always someone there with an opinion that you're letting them down/ruining their life/neglecting them because you work full time/part time/not at all or use a nursery/CM/relative. You absolutely cannot win. What you can do is try to ignore things like that because it has no bearing on you; your sister is either desperately unhappy or desperately jealous, and both are shit places to be. Leave her there and carry on with whatever suits you best. You sound lovely and your DD sounds happy; what further proof can you need that your situation works for you all?

pippistrelle · 14/12/2015 21:29

My daughter went to the same minder when she was six months old until she was nine and I stopped working full-time. She's 11 now and still has an amazing, positive relationship with the minder and her family, and sometimes spends the day with them just for fun. I love that she has a whole other unrelated family happy to look out for her.

Does your sister have it in for all child minders, or just this one in particular?

Original poster
breezydoesit · 14/12/2015 21:29

She thinks they're not educational enough and they won't be stimulated. I can't even tell you how much my dd loves running in to see her friends in the morning and she gets a big hug from CM.

OP posts:
LineyReborn · 14/12/2015 21:31

Does your sister have childcare issues she needs resolving?

Wolfiefan · 14/12/2015 21:31

Your daughter is cared for and happy.
Your sister is crackers!
20 month old needs educating? Confused

Groovee · 14/12/2015 21:32

As long as you are happy with your childcare then your sister should butt out.

ThursdayLastWeek · 14/12/2015 21:33

How on earth is it any of her business? Confused

woodwaj · 14/12/2015 21:33

It's a bit of a weird comment to make! What's not to like about one to one care! I'll be going with the same combo nothing against nursery at all but I've decided that's what I prefer! Don't doubt yourself

VinylScratch · 14/12/2015 21:33

Does your sister have any kids?

Original poster
breezydoesit · 14/12/2015 21:33

pippi that sounds lovely :) your daughter is a lucky girl! bump same for you! Seems to be all child minders she doesn't like.

OP posts:
RiverTam · 14/12/2015 21:34

Dors she have children and used a CM? Know any? Have any actual real life experience that would lead her to say that? How educational does childcare have to be for a toddler anyway?

BackforGood · 14/12/2015 21:34

She is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo wrong.
Particularly at such a young age, but mine loved going to their CMs, right up to secondary school. There are SO many advantages.
She clearly doesn't know anything about the superbly high quality of most CMs if she actually thinks what she is saying is a fact, rather than some defence mechanism, trying to justify her choices.

icklekid · 14/12/2015 21:34

I don't know why but a lot of people who use nurseries seem to judge those who use childminders. I have an amazing childminder who my ds loves and would not swap for anything however I would never judge those who choose nurseries!

I remember reading a thread on mn where someone said they wouldn't like there chid to have such a strong bond with one other adult and wonder if this is part of the problem they have? For me this is a positive but understand everyone is different! You sound like you are doing a fab job op so don't question yourself!

Original poster
breezydoesit · 14/12/2015 21:35

vinyl yeah she's got a 12 week old dd....and seems to think she knows it ALL.

OP posts:
itsmeohlord · 14/12/2015 21:35

I thought there had been research done showing that for very young kids a childminder was a better option than a nursery.

Scarydinosaurs · 14/12/2015 21:35

Your sister is a dick.

LineyReborn · 14/12/2015 21:36

Maybe your sister wants the day a week childcare you get from your mum.

MammaTJ · 14/12/2015 21:37

Aw, just how much education does a 20 month old need?

In all fairness, CMs are OFSTED inspected too and have to prove they are educating the children in their care.

Never mind PITA, your sis is TOOHA (talking out of her arse).

RaspberryOverload · 14/12/2015 21:37

I believe childminders are supposed to follow the statutory requirements of the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS), same as nurseries, and they are registered with OFSTED who check them, as well.

I found this page on the OFSTED site about childminder stuff.