Or is my sister a massive pita

[breezydoesit]

I have a 20 month old dd, I work full time and husband works away for about two weeks at a time...works in oil sector. My dd spends a day with DM and a day with MIL then three days with a lovely childminder whom my dd adores. She's also very close to dm and MIL too. I'm ttc and will go part time after second baby. I had 15 months MAT leave as well so only back a few months.

Anyway, sister has decided to tell me that my childcare arrangements are shit and I'm clearly not interested in my daughter,s well being since she's with child minder. She thinks that she should be at nursery instead. My DD is a healthy, happy, bright and loving little girl who (I think) has thrived in her surroundings but I just feel incredibly shit and I'm starting to wonder if I've made the wrong choice. It keeps me awake worried that I've done the wrong thing by my daughter. AIBU to be really fucked off with my sister or have I made a massive mistake with childcare arrangements? Help!

Childminders are registered and they are checked by ofsted, they have to follow the EYFS curriculum to some degree and have to have photographic and documented evidence of the activities they offer children. Your sister sounds like a cow, she tryng to make you question your childcare choices but she sounds like she doesn't have a clue what she's talking about. Your childcare arrangements sound exactly like mine and my DS is now 3, he has a lovely relationship with his grandparents but he also has a great relationship with the childminder, just being with someone unrelated and who has a totally different outlook/atmosphere has brought him on so much. He has a little diary that they fill in together, he probably enjoys those days more than the days with his grandparents to some degree as he has more independence and stimulation

I don't think we can ever be 100% happy with any of the decisions we make for our DC but as long as they're happy and safe I think that's enough.

Ignore your sister, there must be other issues.

My new favourite phrase springs to mind:

Fuck off and mind your own business

Perhaps your sister doesn't know that childminders are Ofsted inspected and do have to have educational standards in place (slightly bonkers, if you ask me, but true). But, ultimately, OP, just ignore her if you're happy with your arrangements: it sounds like your daughter is.

I'm a childminder and I'm pretty awesome, if I do say so myself. I'm qualified to level 3 in childcare, just as a nursery worker would be. I plan crafts, baking, sensory play. I read to the children and teach them makaton (which I am also qualified in). We go out nearly every day to the library, playgroup, park. I cook healthy meals from scratch. Aside from year round opening hours I defy your sister to name one single thing a nursery provides that I don't!

Is your sister planning on staying home with her child? Are children of SAHPs understimulated and not educated enough does she think?

liney when she's back at work my DM will take her dd a day a week too. She'll treat us fairly. TOOHA!! Love it!!

long you sound AWESOME :) my cm is like you and has activities and days out planned as well as a cosy afternoon just watching Peppa is the kids fancy it!

OP, you sound switched on. Your sister is being unfair.

Education at 20 months old is all about perfecting mud pie technique and starting on playdoh . I'm sure your cm is doing just fine as do dmum and dmil.

Remind your sister she ought to get going on the literacy flashcards with the 12 week old, baby seems behind their peers.

Has she had the same conversation with your DH?

I am indeed . And I'm not unusual, most of the childminders I know are pretty awesome too. I actually think if you can find a really good childminder then you're on to a winner; your child will gain a second home and family; somewhere they can feel secure and loved. It's what I would want for my kids.

My daughter ended up with a childminder by chance (work nursery expanding but not till 3 months after I wanted to go back). Later I was so glad as I do think under age 2 - 2.5 a good childminder is far better than many nurseries. She moved to a fairly good nursery age 3, and benefited at that age, but I wouldn't have wanted either of mine in the baby room at a nursery unless no choice. My youngest did spend time in a toddler room but that was part of a split week part-time with childminder, because it was more affordable (couldn't use childcare vouchers any other way at the time). We kept him 2 days a week with childminder till age 3 (summer birthday, so that gave him 1 year full time in preschool).

Our cm is fecking awesome. We actually chose ds's primary school on the basis that he'd be able to stay with her. Good childminders are worth their weight in gold. When I returned to work when ds was 10 months it was a conscious decision to go with a cm rather than a nursery. Your dd is thriving. Your sister is clueless.

yanbu.
tooha indeed.

If you are feeling nasty you could give your sister 'Why Love Matters' to read, which led to me cancelling ds's nursery place and running round like a weeping blue arsed fly to find a childminder, which we did.

Or you could notice that she's got a 12-week-old, is probably barely aware where her arse is and unable to understand how anyone deals with the emotion of leaving a baby anywhere, and turn the other cheek.

If she could get a hold of my DH on a drilling platform in the North Sea then I'm sure she'd give it a go :D superman but he'd be more abrupt with her than I would I imagine!

CM's offer a mother-child family set up which really suits a toddler. I don't believe a nursery would be more educational and besides, it would be stupid to put a huge emphasis on recognising letters/numbers.

Haha OP I've had the same but the other way round! Apparently DD would fare better with a childminder and I'm a mean beast sending her to an "institutional" nursery.

laura we're never going to win are we? 😐

Does she understand what a childminders setting actually provides? There are usually other children so it's not solitary and besides they often go to regular playgroups too. Just ignore her, the time will come when she has to make decisions about childcare for her DD and will realise the balance you chose. She is trying to justify her own beliefs, don't let it bother you.

When I saw the title I wondered if her Grandmother was a Naan

Tell your sister to mind her own business! Childcare is an entirely personal decision.

However I will say to those slightly bashing nurseries that my son has been in his since he was 7 months and he chatters the nursery girls names all weekend - so you can get personal bonds at nursery just as much as childminders.

I think most decide based on cost and convenience as well as the environment.

yanbu, sounds like your set up is fab. Don't mess with a good thing! We had an amazing CM for several years: she decided to get a different job but we're still friends with her and her family and it's great.

perhaps your DSIS is seeking to defend her own (or partner's) childcare plans?

Nursery is a second home for my two - DS1 started going 1 day a week aged 12 months and DS2 joined him for a day a week at 6 months. They both started to go full-time when I went back to work (DS1 2yo and DS2 11mo). DS1 has been at school since September and is delighted every time he goes to visit his old nursery staff, because he does love them.

OP, your sister is being daft and you should ignore her. Give her the benfit of the doubt, as others have said.

IME is would seem childcare arrangements are open season for family. I used to tune out the criticism after a while.

Sorry, the upshot of my post is that they can be loved in either location and that I'm sure your arrangements are fine! I'm not telling you to move her to a nursery!!