"I didn't know you were Jewish!!!"

[Kappin]

This happened in the office this morning. My surname isn't 'Jewish' as my husband isn't. When discussing weekend events I happened to mention it was Hannukah, cue stunned disbelief from everyone in the nearby vicinity "I didn't know!", "you don't look Jewish!", "how are you Jewish" and even "ah so that's why you've got so much money at your age!". Has anyone else found this? It's resulted in that reaction a few times before in different situations but never before have I really questioned why.

[samG76]

Not sure about Daily Mail comments. In the experience of my friends and family members, the DM is quite sensitive to its Jewish staff. It's probably pretty tough at The Guardian or Indy, though....

[Kaytee1987]

God that is so rude! People are often surprised when I say I go to church like it's a crime to be a christian, does my head in.

[TheGoldenApplesOfTheSun]

Yep, have had this sort of experience. It's especially fun when there ends up being an extended discussion about What Judaism Means To Me when it's not something I volunteered, just something that came up eg I am taking a Jewish holiday off work. Feels like I have a yearly cycle of 'coming out' as Jewish around the high holy days (all the leave I take at an unusual time of year) and Xmas (lack of festive jumper etc). It's fine for people to be curious, and I am even happy to answer questions sometimes, but I always want to be forced into being a spokesperson for a whole people! I don't like being there when someone works through their feelings about meeting a Jew -the whole but you look normal thing - goes into a rant on Israel/Palestine, or says something inappropriate like 'oh, so is your husband circumcised, then?' Thankfully this is super rare and mostly people restrain themselves... The nicest reactions are when people just wish me a happy holiday or volunteer something about their own religion/cultural background, which takes the awkwardness away.

[TheGoldenApplesOfTheSun]

Should be don't, not always!

[PlopTheBarn0wl]

The circumcised comment reminded me...

When I first told one of my friends that DP was Jewish, she started asking "oh, so is he..." And I preempted the question and answered "yeah, he's circumcised" (we were pretty close and it wasn't the first time someone had asked me that so it was a logical assumption she was asking that).

To which she replied, "oh no, I was going ask if he was stingy"!!!

I can't remember my reply but I do remember being utterly bewildered that it was the first thing she thought to ask! And she wasn't even joking, she was serious!

[TheGoldenApplesOfTheSun]

That's hilarious in a terrible way :-S Yay, harmful stereotypes! The worst about this sort of experience is I find I can never find anything to say at the time - then come up with a snappy comeback 24hrs later that I can never use...

[Wobblystraddle]

I'm proud to be a Jew and talk to my daughters about it.

When teaching holocaust poetry, I told my class i am Jewish. A boy racially abused me. When I reported it, my line manager criticised me for talking about my heritage. I was disgusted.

[Fyaral]

Thats awful Wobbley. Did you take it higher?

[ciele]

I am Jewish and married 'out' and also disabled.
I tend towards 'stealth' on all issues as I hate having to explain or justify myself.
I think there is less anti semitism on display than when I was younger but it's still there, just more hidden.
Personally I also dislike this romanticising of Jews as spiritual/ esoteric - it's patronising imho.
Neither do I like being spokesperson for a whole race.
And for those who are not Jewish on here, yes we have Jew dar..I never understood when younger but you can usually tell and has nothing to do with dress or noses-it's mannerisms and voice and no I don't have any particular attributes but I was told by my electrician my love of chandeliers was very Jewish!

[nonnomnom]

I'm absolutely shocked at some of the comments some of you have received - Wobby's example is awful and I would have been complaining a lot higher up (but about my line manager, not my pupil). It's why as a teacher I have almost never 'come out' as Jewish to a class, though - the risk is too high. :(

The worst comment I have received was when a drunk guy from N Ireland I'd never met before found out I was Jewish and immediately (no pause) said 'Don't you think it's disgusting what the Israelis are doing to the Palestinians?' I'm not Israeli and didn't feel that my views on the matter were particularly important or relevant at that moment and it wasn't a great conversation starter to a complete stranger, so I just ignored him. But the story didn't end there - the following day, he found out where I lived and tracked me down to apologise, saying that as a N Irish guy, he hated when people made simplistic assumptions about political situations based on religion. But though the apology was kind of nice, the stalkerishness of his behaviour when sober way outweighed any positive feelings about his belated apology for his conversation when drunk.

But anyway, in short, that way that all Jews are assumed to be representatives of Israel, responsible for everything Israel ever does or doesn't do, and unreasonably biased towards Israel no matter what their feelings or the situation might be = very tiresome.

[TiredButFineODFOJ]

My old manager didn't look Jewish, although her many star of David accessories and habit of taking friday afternoons off made it quite obvious. She was from generations of Jews and married in.
Her family were widely unaccepted in the UK because they were black.

[Baconyum]

As I've been reading this thread I've been horrified at some of the reactions those of you that are Jewish have experienced.

It's racism and is completely unacceptable even if people are 'tipsy' or whatever.

I'm a bolshy madam so have no reservations on calling people who behave this way.

Perhaps at least partly because my parents have experienced bad treatment due to theirs being what was considered at the time a 'mixed marriage' (mum catholic dad protestant). I've red hair and come from a part of Scotland that's largely catholic but am now pagan but its often assumed I'm catholic still and so I get the IRA, paedo priest, alcoholic, large poor family shite thrown at me.

Nowhere as bad as some of my friends or some pps have had (got friends from all kinds of backgrounds and skin colours and I'm still shocked when they get shitty treatment).

The only way to stop racism is to keep making it clear its unacceptable and challenge and educate every time!

[TeenageWildlife]

Interesting thread. Am atheist Jew, married out. My DC's have gradually taken their tribe to heart, if not in practice.
As a child at boarding school here, was often told that Jews were stingy, so every time there was a collection for charity, and we had to say what our donation would be (Taken from our pocket money) I had to give the same amount as the most generous, to prove I wasn't stingy. This left me with no pocket money at all....
I have had anti-Semitic comments and so learnt to be quiet about being Jewish, which is also shit. And no, I am not Israeli. Another thing people assume...
We are a minority group that just keeps quiet, no shouting for equality...
Proud to be a Jew, but don't believe in God.

[TheNewStatesman]

"Is there a specific jewish look (outside of some of the visable Haredi communities?)"

I think there tends to be, to an extent.

I never understood what "looking Jewish" was supposed to mean; then I went on holiday to Israel and was struck by a sense of "oh wow, so many people who look just a little bit like my boss...." My boss being a Jew from New York :)

It's not an absolute "thing," mind you.

[pilpiloni]

There are parts of Africa and Asia where Jews are revered and admired as being some kind of super-race (ironically) controlling finance, media, government. It's crazy. People have said the most bonkers stuff to me, completely and earnestly believing it to be true, about how Jews are all rich, clever, powerful, stick together in one big giant global club.

That's true for parts of the Middle East too but more fearful and with far more negative undertones.

I found most is just ignorance but there is sometimes malice behind it.

[Wobblystraddle]

I didn't take it higher, fyaral. I was an nqt, he was my line manager.

It was ironic, really. I teach in a part of the country which is quite insular - part of the reason I takes about it is because I recognise that as a child of immigrants who look the same as the 'locals' I am protected from all that shit - ironically it took about five seconds for me to be abused when I revealed my heritage.

These days I would absolutely take it further.

[TheTravellingLemon]

The biggest misconception I've come across, particularly on here, is how many Jews there are in the UK. People tend to think there are loads, but in fact it's only about 260 thousand. And of those the vast majority are not practicing.

I think it's because the religion pushes us to live within communities so there are a few areas with a dense jewish population and lots of the country with no Jews at all.

These communities tend to be focused around big cities so if you live or work in London, Manchester or Leeds for example, you may get the impression that there's a bigger population than there is.

The assumption in itself is in no way offensive btw, just interesting. I see it on here a lot when posters are fretting about kosher food finding it's way onto Tesco shelves unlabelled like there's millions of kosher chickens about the place. But the industry is in fact only catering to a population of about 100 thousand so you're very unlikely to stumble upon a kosher anything by accident.

[HapShawl]

RadicalRachel dp says he has a "Jew-dar" too!

He is a teacher and he does not make it known he is Jewish to his pupils. "Jew" is used as an insult (meaning stingy) by teenagers still

[DeoGratias]

Our borough is 4.4% Jewish and 25% hindu and lots of muslims too and everyone seems to live peacefully together fairly kind to others in the usual British way.

I can usually tell if someone is Jewish but not always. Why? In the same way I can distinguish lots of different kinds of people. It's nothing special about jewish characteristics. I just watch people and notice things others don't. I would have liked to have been a spy. There are also lots of very different kinds of jews in the London anyway so really generalisations are fairly pointless. One reason the very orthodox jews of Stamford Hill (who are some of the most interesting jews in the UK) live peacefully and always have side by side but apart is because they never cause any trouble to anyone else, the same as most different groups in the UK. It is only when young people are recruited to the IRA or ISIS that people tend to turn negatively on certain groups in the UK in reasonably prosperous times.

I don't necessarily agree that most jews don't stick together and support each other though - I have countless business examples over the last 20 years where jewish clients and business contacts have recommended someone else jewish or helped a jewish relative and the like and I see those ties and help as much more common than amongst say atheists and it is not illegal to help those from your community who need assistance of course.

[museumum]

Does anyone know what the Jewish population in Scotland is? I never met anyone Jewish growing up there (met lots living in London and didn't know at first why they couldn't do things on Friday evenings - I didn't know the sabbath starts at sundown, and I'd never had to cater for kosher till I moved to London).

[museumum]

Also, I must say that for me the Jewish stereotypes are from New York Jews in American film or television or stand up comedians. They're not as awful as old pre-war stereotypes and are more affectionate and usually used by Jewish people themselves but are stereotypes none the less.

[TheWatchersCouncil]

The Institute of Jewish Policy Research has extensive publications about the Jewish community in the UK, including demographics based on Census 2011 figures. All online.

[feckitall]

I worked until recently with A Jewish guy, he was very open and proud of his heritage. He is a really nice guy but we get on better now we don't work together. He was highly competitive and ruthless.
He would joke about Jewishness to the point of being anti-Semitic to himself...it was weird as he would, quite rightly pull up others if they made a stupid/offensive remark but in the same sentence say the same.


He was proud of his wealth and boasted about it. Didn't need to work..admits he just likes working and earning.

He behaved to stereotype....whether that was a defensive attitude I don't know.

Funnily DS1 got stick at school for 'looking' Jewish and having a first name that is hebrew. we just liked the name The colleague even commented on it on meeting my son.

[LumelaMme]

I'm always amazed at the 'stingy' stereotype, because in my (fairly extensive) experience it's not true at all. Quite the opposite: attend any Jewish function and you will not leave hungry. And I do agree about the Jew-dar. I worked for Chassidim in north London at one point, and I lived in digs with a Jewish family at another, so even though I'm not Jewish myself, I do tend to twig when someone is.

[OfaFrenchmind2]

The money comment is racist and fucking dangerous.
It reminds me of a terrible kidnapping and murder that happened a few years ago in France. Some anti-Semitic assholes, aptly called "le gang des barbares" kidnapped and tortured to death a Jewish young man for ransom.
They said they did it because "Jews have money anyway". (And because they were lower that pigs and worms)
I am sorry to mention that here OP, as it was a traumatising event, but people, check the "Affaire Ilan Halimi", and see how awful anti-Semitism is, and how dangerous stereotypes can be.