"I didn't know you were Jewish!!!"

[Kappin]

This happened in the office this morning. My surname isn't 'Jewish' as my husband isn't. When discussing weekend events I happened to mention it was Hannukah, cue stunned disbelief from everyone in the nearby vicinity "I didn't know!", "you don't look Jewish!", "how are you Jewish" and even "ah so that's why you've got so much money at your age!". Has anyone else found this? It's resulted in that reaction a few times before in different situations but never before have I really questioned why.

I think people are often a little fascinated by Jewish people

we know all the horrendous hardships, we are aware that there are many jewish people within our socialty and that has been the case for many years we can not necessarily point a jewish person out in the same way we can an indian person yet jewish culture seems so different in how they are portrayed in films/tv

I was over the moon to find out that my great granddad was from a jewish family why I am not sure quite obvious really jewish name, family always thought to be jewish by other jewish people, came from germany, taylors in the east end of London

That's true, I am fascinated by Jewish people. It's something different and special with a great history, of survival and sticking together. It's a group you'd be proud to belong to but never can if you don't so that is kind of fascinating.

I agree with this "an alternative view is that people are curious about other cultures, and tactless, and flippant sometimes"

Also who would make that comment about jews? It is certainly true that there are richer jews (except the Orthodox in Stamford hill) than say richer UK Somalis. it's a provable fact but even so it's rude to say it and a quarter of the richest people on the planet are Jewish which is out of proportion to numbers. It doesn't matter and it's just how it is and in part it's because Christians (like muslims today) were not allowed to charge interest for religious reasons which left Jews in the UK to lend money which is a lucrative business to be in as is diamonds - if you aren't allowed into a UK university because you're jewish and discriminated against then you might well have to go into business. I think the UK had benefited hugely from the jewish community and the fact we have welcomed them here and all the other immigrants over the years more happily than some other countries have done is a great sign of the tolerance of the British people.

However yes the comments were silly.

Where I live in the most religiously diverse borough of the whole UK, jews about 4% and everyone lives happily together hopefully avoiding being rude to anyone. Long may that last.

Whether we like it or not, many people have a stereotypical idea of what a Jew should look and behave like.

It can either be the wealthy, banker or doctor type with the overinvested mother or the less flattering images portrayed in nazi propaganda.

Either way you don't expect Jews to look and behave like ordinary people, which, in my experience, most of them do.

It is not up to the victim of racist remarks to educate the racist on how not to say racist comments. It is up to HR to discipline the racist.

This.
Besides, racial stereotyping becomes a lot less funny after a crazy dictator justified his (attempted) genocide with those exact same stereotypes.

I'm fascinated by Jewish culture. I use lots of 'Jewish' words because I think they're just brilliant words. I read a lot of David Baddiel books, repeatedly. I daydream about being Jewish and wish I was one. I suspect I may have been Jewish in a previous life

Despite all this, nobody ever assumes I'm Jewish, which is a little disappointing for me really. Oy vey.

If someone I worked with mentioned a fact about themselves I wasn't aware of, I would be likely to respond in 'oh, I didn't know that about you' way - and in this situation possibly even ask in what way they were Jewish (I.e by race or religion or both) as I think it's a question relative to the discussion. But that's as much as anything because I don't know things like that about the people around me because it makes no difference to me what race or religion someone is and so it would just be another interesting fact about them - much like if someone had told me five generations of women in their family had been left handed, or shared a birthday, or had a funny big toe (like in mine ). I would file it under 'showing an interest'.

The money comment is extremely out of order though.

"Yep - I hope we are living up to your stereotype".

OP, I sympathise! I too have been on the receiving end of "oh all Jews are rich" guff.

It was quite amusing for me to discover another stealth Jew at work - we both work in an industry with a historic reputation of being very hostile to Jews (think 50-100 years ago). Both of us had been advised by sage elderly relatives to keep our heritage a secret. However we both have excellent "Jew-dar" (I realise that probably sounds awful but it's true - my family have the ability to spot other Jews with ease....!) and found each other out.

Not my stereotype tatty! But clearly those people in the OPs office.

I find the whole Jewish thing very romantic and quite beautiful. All that history and deeply significant ceremonies. I always think Jewish and then see a Caravaggio painting with flickering candlelight!

The thing is if being a Jew is a race them you would expect them to have some racial features common between them. And then again it makes sense to say 'oh you don't look Jewish'
The problem is that unfortunately, the idea of what 'a Jew' looks like is somehow so far from reality that it doesnt bear any remote resemblance to what it actually is. I suspect it has more to do with very traditional clothing rather than physical features
Fwiw, my mum has been mistaken for being English numerous times (we have no English ancestors in the family at all) with people coming to speak to her with relief (Finally someone who will understand me!) My mum doesn't speak English

People are just fucking dumb, aren't they?!

Nothing to do with religion or race: I get "you don't look disabled" all the bloody time - sometimes accompanied by "but at least you get loads of money from the state", which goes down about as well as your Jewish/money comment.

I live in a rural market town. There's a seminary school here (whatever the correct term might be) for Hasidic kids. Whenever they're in town, people talk about them for hours afterwards saying stuff like how cute they look with their caps & ringlets, in a laughing sort of way to show they're not being prejudiced My first year here, I was horrified! It's in the same bracket as "little brown babies".

Some battles aren't worth fighting, though.

I think the money comment was awful.

I would even be a bit about the look Jewish comment. Is there a specific jewish look (outside of some of the visable Haredi communities?)

I get told my DC look like me. I am from an Irish Catholic background and the DC are half North African and Muslim. Is there a particular look they should have?

I've had general surprise from people, after they've learnt I'm Jewish, and that's fine.

However there have been a handful of occasions where that surprise has led to the other individual/s making stereotypical comments.

I remember a conversation with a former colleague (three years ago now), where after learning of my (and my DH's*) Jewishness he said, "ah that explains a lot then." When I asked him what I meant, he tried to brush it off by saying, "you know what, never mind, just forget I said it." However I asked again, and that time he said he had wondered how DH and I were able to live in the home we did, "and lead what appears to be, a very comfortable life," when we were only in our mid-to-late-20s. He concluding by saying, "but now I know, because we all know that Jews are good with money."

• He had asked, "and your husband too?"

I reported it of course, but the entire conversation had taken place at, where else, the office's 'Christmas party'. He told HR he had been a 'bit tipsy', and was 'horrified' to learn of his comments, and that he would never have said such things if he hadn't have been 'tipsy'. He was asked to apologise but that was it.

'Stealth Jew' is brilliant!

I'm not Jewish but I grew up in a very Jewish area. I think comments like the money one are anti-Semitic and saying you're 'not using it offensively' or whatever is no excuse. Just like it's no excuse to use Paki as actually, it's just the shortening of the word Pakistani.

My dad is Fucking awful for this type of comment, I challenge him every single time but for him, he genuinely thinks he can say what he likes because he 'doesn't mean it like that'. He is a dick though.

I get it too. In the ensuing discussion (really not instigated by me), this is sometimes followed up with critical comments about how the way I practice my faith (moderately Orthodox in practice), or the area I live in is 'wrong' and how I 'should' have a Christmas tree, move away from a Jewish area, etc. Apparently, I am being 'too exclusionary' by behaving the way I do. Which is kind of funny, seeing that the person I am having that conversation with is not Jewish and didn't know that I was Jewish. So not really sure how my behaviour and where I live actually does exclude others...

Or the alternative is a whole list of things - usually films and books - that I 'must' like because I am Jewish. Cue utter disbelief when I say that no actually I haven't seen or read it, or have but didn't like it.

my son has blond hair blue eyes very pale skin yet his blood is mediterranean (i have no idea why/how etc) the consultant testing his blood was very enthusiastic about this and wanted to do more blood tests to discover why this is the doctor was very we don't routinely jab needles into five year olds unless we absolutely have to so no we won't be doing anymore

not everyone looks like their heritage

Oh dear, have you been reading Der Stuhrmer again?

Seriously, though, as a child, my parents who would not consider themselves at all racist, would make comments about Jewish noses, or whatever. The very first person I met who I knew to be Jewish, I remember making a comment about the size of his nose, to him.

Luckily, it is possible to move on from what you learnt as a child. [cringe]

(I would have been about 16 at the time.)

I grew up in a Middle Eastern country where anybody Jewish was very careful to make no mention of the fact. If anybody mentions to me that they are Jewish these days then I tend to be surprised simply because in my head everyone is either Muslim, Christian, Hindu or Buddhist. Judaism and atheism don't make the list even though I am in fact option B

Upbringing has a lot to answer for in our immediate responses, even if we think we've refuted said upbringing.

It's just very rude to mention money like that. Also people differ within groupings. I am sure most of us hate it when someone says XYZ because you're a woman. it's the same for all groups of people. Generalisations are what often lead to problems and discrimination.

(Sanity, one of my son's went to the GP after a blood test. She was astounded. He had a very very low white blood cell count which she assumed meant he would be black as most people are where we live and usually it is common if you are black (he's white blond and thankfully not at all ill - just very unusual to be well and have that apparently)
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2963517/

It is very stereotypical and would not be accepted for any other religion. Sounds just like something my mother would say .

Luckily, it is possible to move on from what you learnt as a child.

Yes, that is something to be grateful for.

You know, even my DM has moved on from what she seemed to have learned by the time I was a child.

I remember a work experience guy getting into trouble when he opined that Jews are money grabbing - he should have been fired.

Very ignorant comments. Where do you work? Offices of the Daily Mail?