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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed she's using my desk?

82 replies

Dontforgetmyfries · 13/12/2015 15:05

Bit of background, I've been signed off work with depression.

I had a colleague (who is a friend) tell me that another colleague has been using my desk - I've only been off a week!

This person is full time, doesn't have to hot desk and has her own desk. There is no logical reason why she would need to use it - only that she wants to use it.

Aibu to be annoyed by this and that it was even allowed by our manager?

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 13/12/2015 17:54

Even taking Jo's quite correct comments into account, I think the OP is much better off focusing on getting better and getting back to work than whether or not her colleague is 'disrespecting' her by sitting at her desk for 2 weeks.

If all you're going to do is brood on this for the next two weeks, OP, then there's no point having any time off at all.

Goingtobeawesome · 13/12/2015 17:54

I don't blame you for being upset, OP. Don't give it another thought though, just make sure you are there before her when you go back and take your desk back.

sodabreadjam · 13/12/2015 17:57

I get where you are coming from, OP.

It's not the actual, physical desk that matters - it is the feeling that she has invaded your territory pretty much as soon as you were out of the door. It might not have been done with any nasty intentions - it may have been for practical reasons as others have said. But to you, at a distance, it seems tactless and thoughtless.

I am now retired but had this kind of thing done to me once or twice over my career- once having my desk moved to another room without telling me when I was just off for the day.

I hope she will be notified of your impending return and that she has the courtesy to move her stuff back in good time. Your other colleague shouldn't have told you about it, to be honest.

Try not to dwell on it too much and concentrate on getting well.

IKillEveryBloodyThreadIPostOn · 13/12/2015 18:38

I too am shocked by the 'it's just a desk' comments. OP I understand where you're coming from. It's not really the desk, it's the fact that someone has moved into 'your space' as if you don't exist.

Sort of similar feeling I had when I had a breakdown and left work. They got cover in and my friend who worked in the same department told me the company was doing great with my cover and she was fantastic. At the time I was so hurt by this, I felt like I had been 'replaced' and that everybody was glad I was gone now, and the cover was so much better at the job than me. It wasn't the case at all.

It was the depression, and I think this is what's going on with you. Looking back on it, of course the company is going to hire somebody who will be great at the job, and it didn't mean that my former colleagues didn't care about me. I couldn't see this at the time.

It's what depression does. It's shit, but please try not to take it to heart. Easier said than done, I know. I hope you feel better soon.

AntiHop · 13/12/2015 20:34

It would annoy me too. It's disrespectful behaviour.

pinkdelight · 13/12/2015 20:40

But the "it's just a desk" comments are the same as the "this is your depression" comments. Essentially the message is the same. Don't engage with the desk issue. Get help and get well. The worst thing is surely to give it headspace and start attributing it to the colleague not caring etc. Because it is just a desk and OP is off work with depression so shouldn't even be aware of office crap right now.

Nibledbyducks · 13/12/2015 20:46

OP YANBU, anyone ever heard the expression "Would you jump in my grave as fast?" definately disrespectful.

Justaboy · 13/12/2015 20:58

Nibledbyducks Yes of course BUT the way we work is ever more affected by IT and what it can do and the way its now employed.

Question. How many of you take work home can connect to the office or company system over a VPN?.

SirChenjin · 13/12/2015 21:06

What on earth has IT got to do with this? Confused

Justaboy · 13/12/2015 21:11

Lots. We use computers more and more in most all office environments. These days mails are on the move, mobile phones, laptops are in use flexible working is getting more commonplace the days of the typewriter have long gone its a different place to how it used to be .

I know quite a few people now who work from home hotdesk when they need to be in the office can work on the move times are changing!

SirChenjin · 13/12/2015 21:14

I mean in relation to this particular post.

Justaboy · 13/12/2015 21:19

-/- OK well this post strikes me is about a lady who's suffering from depression and this concept is making her feel worse when there might not be a problem at all!

But thread drift has a lot to answer for!

SirChenjin · 13/12/2015 21:23

What concept? I'm sorry - I'm not following you at allConfused. Her colleague is not hotdesking, hasn't docked her laptop or isn't working remotely, she's taken over the OPs desk for the duration and has disconnected her CPU and connected her own from her previous desk.

Justaboy · 13/12/2015 21:30

Yes I know that, but in general the office environment is changing its not like how it used to be!

SirChenjin · 13/12/2015 21:33

Yes that's true, but none of these changes apply to this office or situation.

Anyway, main thing is that the OP's friend should stop feeding her news from the office and she gets better soon.

Justaboy · 13/12/2015 21:39

SirChenjin Yes so do I, agree totally with that sentiment:-)

IamnotaStepfordHousewife · 13/12/2015 22:28

Hi op. I've been signed off with depression before as well. If you are anything like I was the desk situation is feeling like a huge issue because depression blows everything out of proportion. I'm sure this person using it isn't doing it because they don't think you are not coming back but purely because of some convience reason. I often borrow my other friends in the office's desks if they are off ill etc for all sorts of reasons. Hope you feel more like yourself soon. Have you been prescribed ad's or Cbt ( both worked wonders for me). Hugs xx

bodenbiscuit · 13/12/2015 22:32

If she's not using things that actually belong to you then why worry? It's not important. You need to focus on your health. I think the friend was stirring to tell you actually.

bodenbiscuit · 13/12/2015 22:36

Also, just a thought - maybe she wants to move away from someone she doesn't get on with? And since you are not here she has the opportunity to do that.

jevoudrais · 13/12/2015 22:39

I'm surprised anyone is so bothered. I think the 'it's only a desk' comments are potentially very helpful in terms of OP identifying whether they are being rational or not. The q was asked to gauge this I thought.

The person who's using it might be like those of us on here who don't get the issue, eg. They have no idea you would be bothered and if they did may act differently. Bottom line is, you're not at work, so try to leave it all behind you for now as there is nothing you can do anyway. Ignore all texts etc from work people for a while if it helps to stop info coming across. Sometimes people don't think, either way, you've got more important things to worry about (yourself) so bugger them.

MidniteScribbler · 13/12/2015 22:41

feels like she believes it doesn't matter about me

The fact is, she doesn't care about you. She's a colleague, not a family member or a friend. A desk is free, she wants to use it for whatever reasons she may have, your feelings are not important to her. If you resigned, retired or went off for a month schlepping around Europe then she would do the same thing. You need to stop focussing on a desk and get well and go back to work. That's all you should be looking at.

Original poster
Dontforgetmyfries · 13/12/2015 23:16

The fact is, she doesn't care about you. She's a colleague, not a family member or a friend. A desk is free, she wants to use it for whatever reasons she may have, your feelings are not important to her. If you resigned, retired or went off for a month schlepping around Europe then she would do the same thing. You need to stop focussing on a desk and get well and go back to work. That's all you should be looking at.

I've said quite a few times now that I don't expect her to care.

What I do expect is a degree of respect.

And also she seems to really like the person she sat next to previously as I know they socialise together outside of work.

OP posts:
bodenbiscuit · 14/12/2015 00:10

Maybe they fell out? All I'm saying, Dontforget is that whatever reason she has for sitting at that desk, it is very unlikely that she has decided to do it as a mark of disrespect to you or to upset you. I really think your friend should not be trying to stress you with this kind of thing.

I think that when you are unwell, everything can seem so personal. I myself suffer from mental health issues so I know how it can influence your whole perspective.

Dipankrispaneven · 14/12/2015 01:08

What it comes down to is this: either your colleague has a reason of her own, albeit one that you're not aware of, for borrowing your desk, or she has done it deliberately in order to disrespect you. Do you seriously think the second is more likely?

steff13 · 14/12/2015 01:48

I agree with Dip. There must be a reason why the colleague is using the desk, and it's unlikely that she has just been waiting for an opportunity to disrespect you. Just because we can't imagine what it is doesn't mean a perfectly legitimate reason doesn't exist.

Did the friend bother to ask the colleague why she had switched desks? It seems an obvious question.