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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed she's using my desk?

82 replies

Dontforgetmyfries · 13/12/2015 15:05

Bit of background, I've been signed off work with depression.

I had a colleague (who is a friend) tell me that another colleague has been using my desk - I've only been off a week!

This person is full time, doesn't have to hot desk and has her own desk. There is no logical reason why she would need to use it - only that she wants to use it.

Aibu to be annoyed by this and that it was even allowed by our manager?

OP posts:
reni2 · 13/12/2015 16:07

I wouldn't mind if she will vacate your desk when you return. I'd be a bit miffed if she kept it, but there's not much you can do about it I suppose.

Sparklingbrook · 13/12/2015 16:07

If it was months possibly but not after a week. It was a few years ago but I don't remember it happening, but IIRC not all desks were taken some genuinely didn't belong to anyone. Just spare with nothing on them.

Viviennemary · 13/12/2015 16:35

I'd be annoyed too. It's just cheeky when you've only been off for a week. If it was going to be months then that isn't so bad. But no point in dwelling on it or saying anything. And your friend isn't very sensitive for telling you.

Enjolrass · 13/12/2015 16:37

I was always quite territorial about my desk.

But I have also had desks I didn't like. Too many people seeing my screen, lighting, who I was sat next to or even that I would have preferred to sit near other people.

So if someone want to use my desk when I was off even for a day I was ok. When I went on Mat leave my team was moved twice. Then moved again when I had been back 2 weeks. You just have to roll with it

Tbh I think it's shitty of your friend to be bothering you with this.

Original poster
Dontforgetmyfries · 13/12/2015 16:57

I just feel its insensitive and personally not something I would do.

I don't expect her to care or be bothered that I'm not at work (or the reason for it) but it feels like shes acting like I'm not coming back.

OP posts:
jevoudrais · 13/12/2015 16:57

Its a desk. Unless you bought it, then it isn't yours. I would query what the motive of your friend is eg. what has anyone got to gain from her choosing to tell you this, though.

In my workplace, your employer buys stationary/desk/PC/chair so none of it is 'yours'. I take my own pencil case which I would not leave there, just like I wouldn't leave my iPad in the drawer even if I needed that the next day too. But I wouldn't be bothered if someone was using my desk unless I got there and they wouldn't switch back, and that would be because logistically my team are located away from everyone else and it would be a PITA not to be with them.

Original poster
Dontforgetmyfries · 13/12/2015 16:58

You don't know that if you aren't there do you? Your employer may have plans to bring in a temp etc.

There is no temp. The job comes with 3 months of training.

OP posts:
Dipankrispaneven · 13/12/2015 17:06

Using your desk for a few days does not equate to assuming you're not returning. I'm afraid you're overthinking this, and you really need to forget about absolutely everything to do with work for your own sake.

Original poster
Dontforgetmyfries · 13/12/2015 17:07

I don't care about some pieces of wood or think I own it.

Its the act itself. I haven't even been out of that building a week and she's moved straight over. What is the benefit of that for 2 weeks?

Its hurtful and feels like she believes it doesn't matter about me and I'm not coming back.

OP posts:
VenusRising · 13/12/2015 17:09

Dontforget, I hope you are feeling much better soon.

You won't get better by thinking about your job, the office layout or who is sitting where, and doing what work.

Please concentrate on getting well. See your GP and make sure you are getting treatment.

Go for a walk and change your perspective. Get some sunshine on your face.

You are not at work because you are ill. What happens there isn't your business at the moment. Really, and sorry to be blunt, but you absolutely must drop this and think about something else.

Have a look at YouTube videos of kittens or something after your walk.

I hope you are feeling much better soon.

ToadsforJustice · 13/12/2015 17:11

I'm very territorial about my desk. I have made it very clear to my colleagues that it is out of bounds. I lock my mouse, keyboard and pens etc away every night. I was tired of stuff going missing or being damaged.

YANBU.

Dipankrispaneven · 13/12/2015 17:11

It could be something as simple as the fact that there's someone who works near her who has an irritating sniffle, and she'll happily move back when they're over it.

BackInTheRealWorld · 13/12/2015 17:15

I work 4 days a week and have my own office. On my day off someone always ends up using my office. One colleague sent me a pic of her sitting in my office with her feet up on my desk! Grin

JohnCusacksWife · 13/12/2015 17:15

Maybe her phone's not working, maybe the lighting's better, maybe like me she sits next to the most annoying person in the world. Who cares? In the words of Elsa, let it go...

IWasHereBeforeTheHack · 13/12/2015 17:16

Ignore. If your colleague/friend wants to be supportive she will be making sure that your other colleague respects your belongings /work documents and ensures the other colleague doesn't get too comfortable. I'm sure your colleague/friend probably had little idea of the impact this news would have on you.

Please take the advice upthread and think of something else. Do what makes you feel better, not worse.

SirChenjin · 13/12/2015 17:20

As others have said - try not to think about this, it will just become an obsession and will bring you down further. Your desk will still be there when you get back - you colleague is just borrowing it at the moment, just in the same way she might borrow your stapler or your pen.

I would suggest that you email your friend, tell her that you are not able to cope with work stuff at the moment and ask her not to pass on anything related to work.

Hope you get better soon - depression is an absolute bugger Flowers

flippinada · 13/12/2015 17:20

Dontforgetplease try not to focus on the desk. This sounds very much like it's the depression talking.

There could be a million reasons why this person has moved over to your desk, and I bet none of them are to do with wanting to push you out or not caring about you.

It could be that yours is more comfortable, or the view is better, or she can concentrate more because it's quieter, or anything really.

Please take care and look after yourself.

Original poster
Dontforgetmyfries · 13/12/2015 17:21

Maybe her phone's not working

We don't have phones on our desk.

maybe the lighting's better, maybe like me she sits next to the most annoying person in the world.

Her desk is practically behind mine so she would not be getting away from anyone and the lighting would be the same.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 13/12/2015 17:22

YY concentrate on getting better. Tell your friend you don't want to hear anything about work until you go back in.

londonrach · 13/12/2015 17:22

Its a desk! If someone uses it so what. Its your employers desk. Yabvu

flippinada · 13/12/2015 17:28

I think it's a good idea to ask that your friend/colleague doesn't tell you about anything to do with work if it's going to upset you.

Maybe have a think about this when you're able to and be kind to yourself.

Justaboy · 13/12/2015 17:29

I have seen in a lot of offices now that no one has their own desk quite like thy used to. It seems that most have laptops that they can cart around their files are in "the cloud" which ty can log onot as and where thye are.

I wouldn't read too much into it just try to get better. Depression isn't as you know a lot of fun either; but getting better is far more important!

Dipankrispaneven · 13/12/2015 17:41

You do seem very, very determined to assume that there can be no valid reason for using your desk - yet you aren't there, so you really cannot say that. The mere fact that her desk is close to yours doesn't make the working conditions identical. Take it from me, if there's someone in the desk behind or next to you who has an annoying voice or chronic sniff, moving away even by just a few feet can improve your life.

JoMackl · 13/12/2015 17:48

I can't believe all the comments saying: "YABU - it's a desk; get over it".

If OP has depression that is serious enough for her to be signed off, then it's not surprising that she is getting upset about objectively minor things in what appears to other people to be a way that is out of proportion. That is what depression does to us. I have suffered from depression and I recognise this.

OP, I would advise you not to contact people at work while you are on sick leave. Focus on things that make you feel either better, more relaxed or as if you're directly addressing your problems in a way you can control. So: therapy, exercise, yoga, eating well, spending time with family, good friends (who are not also colleagues) etc.

It's not a question of reasonable or unreasonable. Depression doesn't respect the distinction, and blurs it for those suffering from it. Good luck!!

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 13/12/2015 17:52

Do you even know it was her choice to move there?

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