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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP can't find things (lighthearted --notlighthearted-- )

80 replies

AntiHop · 12/12/2015 21:44

DP is annoying me. He never seems to be able to find things. He is always asking me where things are seemingly unable to find them himself, and even when I tell him where they are he still can't find them. It is driving me up the wall! Today two incidents:
He asks me where a piece of paper he is looking for is. I tell him by the sofa under the tray. He says no, that tray is not by the sofa. I go and find it, exactly where I said it was, under the tray by the sofa.
Later today, he asks me the cap to something is, which I had put out of DD's reach. I tell him exactly which shelf it's on. He looks there and says it's not there. I look, it is exactly where I said it was.
The other day: He asks me if I have seen his hat. He had not even checked in the place he keeps it, which is by his coat. I pointed out to him it was probably there. It was.
AIBU to be really annoyed??

OP posts:
Hassled · 12/12/2015 21:47

YANBU, but being annoyed won't solve the problem. I don't know what will. DH is just the same.

Kosakova · 12/12/2015 21:49

Sounds like he has got into the habit of asking, rather than looking. Just try saying 'no' all the time and see what happens.

hootatoot · 12/12/2015 21:53

My oh does this. I call it man looking. I've now got into the habit of just saying "it's on the side" rather ambiguously about everything!

Original poster
AntiHop · 12/12/2015 21:56

Snort at manlooking hootahoot!

OP posts:
Original poster
AntiHop · 12/12/2015 21:57

Yes good idea I will try that Kosakova.

OP posts:
elephantoverthehill · 12/12/2015 22:01

Whenever we asked our Mother where something could be she used to answer 'In Grandmother's room, behind the wallpaper'. I use it to good effect occasionally.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 12/12/2015 22:03

Dh goes through phases of this, after 25 years I have more or less knocked it out of him by just not getting involved.

Combined with ruthless enforcement of putting car keys/house keys in a dish on the windowsill.

Sometimes I go in and look, if I see the thing I just turn around and leave.

I do sometimes shriek "it's right there....there....THERRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEE " when it's all gotten too much, but I haven't done that for a while

ineedaholidaynow · 12/12/2015 22:03

My DH is the same, but he does recognise that he does it. We call it man looking too.

In fact he has just looked over my shoulder to see what I am reading and asked whether I had started this thread Xmas Grin

LegoRuinedMyFinances · 12/12/2015 22:03

Are you married to my DH?

gleam · 12/12/2015 22:05

'Have you been manlooking?, is often heard in our house.

BearFoxBear · 12/12/2015 22:06

We call that doing a boy look :)

Original poster
AntiHop · 12/12/2015 22:06

You lot have made me giggle!

OP posts:
freshoutofluck · 12/12/2015 22:07

Ah yes, DN1 said they couldn't find something the other day, and DN2 immediately said "Did you have a mummy look or just a daddy look?" Guess which one involves actually listening to where you were told something is, looking for it, and whoooah what are the chances, sodding finding it right THERE??!!

evelynj · 12/12/2015 22:07

Haha, mine too. It's like having another young child. Next week ŵhen he's off I'm planning on taking him on a tour of the house showing him where things are kept & where they should go back to :)

JontyDoggle37 · 12/12/2015 22:08

Male Cupboard/Fridge/Room Blindness is the term in our house...

LegoRuinedMyFinances · 12/12/2015 22:08

Actually if you manage to train your DH to look properly, then you should a write a book. You'd make millions.

Equally I've given up telling DH - I get the kids to deal with him or leave him to go without Grin

whatever22 · 12/12/2015 22:08

Oh dear. I think I man-look.

To be fair, I often find my dps descriptions of where things are impenetrable. I.e. 'by the cupboard', when there's multiple cupboards in most rooms of the house. If I take a cursory look and can't find it immediately its generally quicker to ask him to go then try to get him to explain clearly.

yomellamoHelly · 12/12/2015 22:09

Never heard the term, but happens in our house too. Eldest just the same.

Oysterbabe · 12/12/2015 22:09

I'm sure I read something about this. Men tend to just scan over areas and miss things whereas when women look for things they look at each item.

moreshitandnofuckingredemption · 12/12/2015 22:12

JontyDoggle I'm nicking that, hope you don't mind. It will be accompanied by a sympathetic head-cock. Can't wait and sadly probably won't have to

MrsDiesel · 12/12/2015 22:12

Oh yes my ex and my kids are like this. If it doesn't leap into their arms singing they can't find it. I get seriously huffy and shout if it is where I said it was. They still do it though.

Krampus · 12/12/2015 22:14

If it has become a regular habit and it's something that he would know then say I don't know, repeatidly. Or if you have said where it is and he still can't find it then don't let him off the hook by finding it and fetching it. If my kids are doing a lazy half arsed search I check whether it is where I said, then call them in, repeat instructions until they find it. That way they are still inconvenienced and don't assume I will drop all and come running because they can't be arsed.

Both dp and me frequently can't find things and willingly jump in when the other is in a blind panic of needing keys and should have left the house 10 mins ago. Can't be doing with being nominated as the person who is responsible for mentally recording the gps positions of everyone's crap. I have enough problems keeping track of my own.

MiniLop · 12/12/2015 22:16

DH is just like this. The other day he asked me if I'd seen his keys. I told him to check the pot where all our keys are kept. Lo and behold - there they were!! He hadn't even bothered to look?!

OolonColluphid · 12/12/2015 22:20

I heard, probably on here, of charging a pound to locate things for family in the house, I tried it with my son once, and the next time I only had to say 'pound' for him to go and have a better look. It's tailed off since so I might try again.

BonitaFangita · 12/12/2015 22:22

It's funny because it's true!

I think DH and DS think that vaginas have GPS or something Hmm
Reminds me of an old work mate of mine a couple of years ago, we were working Christmas eve and her DP was off and despatched to Asda to get a few bits for her to take to her mum for Christmas Day. He must have called her about five times to ask which aisle he should be in for various items on her shopping list! It got a bit heated as you can imagine. (obviously she should know from 8 miles away where the cranberry sauce is!!)