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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP can't find things (lighthearted --notlighthearted-- )

80 replies

AntiHop · 12/12/2015 21:44

DP is annoying me. He never seems to be able to find things. He is always asking me where things are seemingly unable to find them himself, and even when I tell him where they are he still can't find them. It is driving me up the wall! Today two incidents:
He asks me where a piece of paper he is looking for is. I tell him by the sofa under the tray. He says no, that tray is not by the sofa. I go and find it, exactly where I said it was, under the tray by the sofa.
Later today, he asks me the cap to something is, which I had put out of DD's reach. I tell him exactly which shelf it's on. He looks there and says it's not there. I look, it is exactly where I said it was.
The other day: He asks me if I have seen his hat. He had not even checked in the place he keeps it, which is by his coat. I pointed out to him it was probably there. It was.
AIBU to be really annoyed??

OP posts:
Mysteryfla · 12/12/2015 22:23

My sister used to do this 40 years ago. She shouted downstairs "mum, where's such and such". Mum shouted back "in the thingy by the wotsit" she went straight to it. Family joke now, every time she asks "does anyone know where" everyone shouts "in the thingy by the wotsit".

Strangertides1 · 12/12/2015 22:25

I think this starts early as our 3.5 yr old ds1 can't see something that it literally the only thing on the floor! Now when dh asks where something is I just reply with sorry I don't know, even though I do. Just to make him look himself, te he he.

TheExMotherInLaw · 12/12/2015 22:25

In this house, it's 'have you been looking with your eyes closed, again?' when I find something for him

Potatoface2 · 12/12/2015 22:25

i get the same....wheres my shoes....in the shoebox, every fricken day....ive started to say dont know....to everything!

Indole · 12/12/2015 22:26

DH does this. DD, who is only just 9, is better at looking for stuff than he is. She asked him to go upstairs and get her Kindle earlier (because he was going up to get something of his own). She gave him explicit instructions about where it was - 'Daddy, it's on the white shelves, next to my bed, on the next to top shelf under a fluffy bunny'.

Pause.

Crashing about from upstairs.

DD and I look at each other and do rolly eye faces.

Pause.

DH shouts down 'It's not there, I can't see it, where did you say?'.

DD goes upstairs.

Pause.

Loud complaints from DD: 'Daddy it is EXACTLY where I said it was, did you not look at all?!'

She is 9 years old and I often send her up with similar instructions to get something that belongs to me if I am too busy to go up myself. It is only very very occasionally that she can't see whatever it is (and usually because it's not where I thought it was).

Strangertides1 · 12/12/2015 22:26

I love the 'pound to look' idea. Am going to save this for when our boys are older. Brilliant idea!

BonitaFangita · 12/12/2015 22:29

Must admit, I have used the phrase 'look with your eyes, not your mouth!' turning into my mother Blush

JapaneseSlipper · 12/12/2015 22:29

My husband asked me how to turn the hot water on today.

Nothing to do with boilers or stopcocks or anything like that. He literally came into the bedroom from the bathroom, and asked which way to turn the tap to make the water come out hot.

I told him I thought he could figure it out on his own. He managed.

ohtheholidays · 12/12/2015 22:32

No OP YANBU but I'll swap if you if you like.

My DH does exactly the same and so does our DS19 and our DS17 and our DS14 and now our DD12 has started joining in as well.It's funny though how none of them can ever find what they're looking for unless they're looking for me.They're like psychic bloody ningers then.

I keep joking about sticking one of those key finder things on everything they keep loosing(the one's where you push a button and it makes a noise so you can find your keys)but knowing my luck they'd go and loose the key finders within minutes.

Karoleann · 12/12/2015 22:33

Didn't someone decide these things were genetic? Women in caveman times had good all round vision as they were looking for berries and such and the men had better pursuit vision to catch animals to eat.

All my boyfriends/husband/dad/sons are useless at finding anything, even when I describe exactly where it is.

Original poster
AntiHop · 12/12/2015 22:33

How has he managed without knowing how to turn on the hot water up until now JapaneseSlipper??

OP posts:
Krampus · 12/12/2015 22:33

Dear god if that had been my husband i would have told him to fuck off at the first call. After asking if he had lost the ability to read (aisle signs), talk (ask someone), listen and understand replies, reason and logic (I am in the table sauces / cheese / petfood section, good chance x could be there?). If this was an equivalent work situation what would you do?

FFS you don't need to know the exact layout of a supermarket to pick up a few items. I hate people playing dumb to make it clear that that boring crap is your responsibility.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 12/12/2015 22:37

Drives me up the wall as well, Anti! Up. The. Wall.

I don't pander to it At All. I tell DH to look for whatever it is where he had it last. The worst bit is the boys are both starting to do it too, although DS1 is getting the hang of "move things around to look behind and under them, rather than just on top" through persistent "keep looking for it, it's there somewhere". DS2 used to be better (he's just turned 3) but has recently started with the "boy looking" rather than "proper looking" Xmas Hmm

DH also gets to put all his own clothes away, so he can never ask stupid questions like "where are my socks?" because I don't actually know. Xmas Grin

I also tell DH that I'm not his "thinking brain" - he seems to think that all his brain power should be used for his job, and none for home life - WRONG!

I don't understand why they do this - could you imagine if we started it? Xmas Shock

OhYeahMama · 12/12/2015 22:39

My DP does this - its lazy " I can't be arsed' and he knows you will come to his aid. Just don't. My Dc have cottoned on to it, they call it a "daddy look'.

Krampus · 12/12/2015 22:39

My husband and sons don't seem to have much of a problem once they realised that I wouldn't drop everything to crawl around looking. I come from a nuclear and extended family of mainly males and really they seem quite capable of finding thngs that they feel responsible for. I am the one who is more likely to not know where things are.

BestestBrownies · 12/12/2015 22:40

ExH did this all the fucking time. Drove me up the wall. Until one day I decided I'd had enough and refused to engage. So EVERY time he asked me to locate things for him the conversations went like this...

ExH "Where's the..."
ME "Probably where you left it"
ExH (annoyed) "But if you know where it is, just tell me"
ME "Where you left it I expect"
ExH (pissed off now) "But where is that?!?"
ME "Dunno. Could be where you left it?"

Or the occasional alternative.....

ExH "Where's the..."
ME "Where it belongs?"

He eventually got the hint and looked for his own shit when he wanted it instead of expecting me to jump on command and find it for him.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 12/12/2015 22:42

My DH and I traded places, I went to work FT and he stayed at home. Well fuck me I stopped being able to see shit! He suddenly got The Sight Shock. He also got smug as fuck.

Thankfully we're now 50/50 (ish) and my powers are coming back.

Jux · 12/12/2015 22:44

DH and dd both do this. I now ask where it was when they last had it and then kindly suggest they look there.

coffeeisnectar · 12/12/2015 22:44

Dad eyes. My dp uses dad eyes. And can't find anything. And it's dementing.

Teen dd is just as bad. If it doesn't throw itself at her it's not there.

Only dd10 and I seem to know where anything is.

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/12/2015 22:45

Years of repetition of my MNname have, finally, sunk in. I haven't said it for a while now. (Admittedly I've only ever had to do this with DS, DH proper looks. And finds stuff for me when I can't.)

BonitaFangita · 12/12/2015 22:46

krampus tell me about it. He did get told in no uncertain terms to fuck right off and it was a quite entertaining one sided conversation (lots of swearing). But he's got skin like a rhino and spoilt rotten. My DH is not quite so clueless but still couldn't find a fart in his pants!

OldBloodCallsToOldBlood · 12/12/2015 22:47

DH does this. He is good-natured about how rubbish he is. If he genuinely can't find something, I'll help, but if he's manlooking, I'll usually yell 'Are you looking with your actual eyes?'.

5Foot5 · 12/12/2015 22:48

I think DH and DS think that vaginas have GPS or something

That made me laugh so much Grin Grin

I truly believe I am the only person in this house who actually knows how to look for things, both DD and DH are useless at it.

The number of times DH can't find his keys or his wallet. Erm, try picking something up. Oh yes there it is underneath the newspaper on the table that you just put down!

And why am I the only person in the house who ever thinks of getting down and looking underneath the sofa or the table?

GasLIghtShining · 12/12/2015 22:50

Oh my word - it drives me nuts. There should be law that if you kill your husband after having to constantly deal with this you will not be prosecuted.

I like the mummy look and daddy look.

Had an issue with looking for a bit of paper this evening. I found it and threw it down by him. He told DD that I threw it down with an attitude. Too fucking right I have an attitude.

5Foot5 · 12/12/2015 22:53

Oh yes - and when there is a real flap on, something that urgently needs finding that hasn't turned up, and I start to do a reconstruction - "Did you have it when you called at the shop last night? Which trousers were you wearing then? Where are they now? have you checked the pockets" - I get snapped at for treating him like a child. But guess how often that approach does the trick!