DP can't find things (lighthearted --notlighthearted-- )

[AntiHop]

DP is annoying me. He never seems to be able to find things. He is always asking me where things are seemingly unable to find them himself, and even when I tell him where they are he still can't find them. It is driving me up the wall! Today two incidents:
He asks me where a piece of paper he is looking for is. I tell him by the sofa under the tray. He says no, that tray is not by the sofa. I go and find it, exactly where I said it was, under the tray by the sofa.
Later today, he asks me the cap to something is, which I had put out of DD's reach. I tell him exactly which shelf it's on. He looks there and says it's not there. I look, it is exactly where I said it was.
The other day: He asks me if I have seen his hat. He had not even checked in the place he keeps it, which is by his coat. I pointed out to him it was probably there. It was.
AIBU to be really annoyed??

[ImtheChristmasCarcass]

I informed my DH early on that the Uterus is NOT a homing device.

Unfortunately, I am better at finding stuff than he is. But probably because I'm a bit more methodical in my searches.

[HowBadIsThisPlease]

It's just a way of getting you to do the work. It is easier to be brought things than to find them for yourself. They don't know they're doing it but that's what they're doing.

I used to have a boyfriend who never kept anyone's phone numbers. He used to ask me for the number of anyone he needed to speak to, even if he had known them for 5 years and I had just met them (through him); he used to phone me up at work and ask for them when he needed to call someone (he didn't work). (before me he would ask his previous girlfriend, presumably) One day he asked me for a phone number; I got up, found my address book (it was the 90s!) looked the number up, read it out to him, and looked over to see him entering it directly in the keypad rather than writing it down. I said "write it down, you will need this again." He said "I'll just ask you again." I said "I won't tell you, unless you write it down now." He didn't. He did need it again, and I did refuse to tell him. He changed. It's the only way.

[Dixiechickonhols]

A genius tip from mumsnet was if they can't find it and you then find it immediately they owe you £1.

The mere suggestion of it makes my 9 year old look a bit harder not 'man look' She thinks mumsnet is evil though.

Not sure if it would work with DH though.

[LilaTheTiger]

Refuse to be involved! I make a point of NEVER knowing where anything is of course I do really

I think I read it on here: "A womb is not a locating device"

[teamboleyn]

When asked where such and such was my mum used to say 'swinging from my top lip shouting Tarzan!!'

[JapaneseSlipper]

"How has he managed without knowing how to turn on the hot water up until now JapaneseSlipper??"

I don't know. It's as though he can know something, and then forget it, because he knows I'll sort it for him.

Or maybe the hot water didn't come on quickly enough and he second guessed himself.

Either way, I need to stop being his "mother"...

[ShebaShimmyShake]

I swear that I think there may be some sort of condition that makes this happen. My whole life, people have told me I'll find the coat on the hanger and I simply don't see it, or I need to turn right at the church and I simply do not notice the church despite looking out for it. At school teachers used to shout at me because they'd tell me to get the red book off the shelf, I'd go and look and honestly could not see it, and someone would show me and it would be right in front of me. I can't explain this, I don't know why I don't see things even when they're being pointed out directly to me, but I really, honestly don't.

I have a degree of face blindness too so I wonder if that's related.

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

I do the man looking thing. My dad used to be the one who would help me find my stuff - he has the patience of a saint.

Then dh took over the job. After over a decade together he has ceased to put up with my shit .
I'm improving but not much.

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

Interesting post Sheba. I am generally hopelessly unobservant - details are not my thing.

Maybe it's related.

[ToriaPumpkin]

DH man looks, but he does admit it. We moved earlier this year and he has periodically asked me where a piece of equipment he uses for his hobby is, as I'm the one who unpacked the particular room it's stored in.

Eventually he texted me from work one day to ask "Do you know where X is?"

"Is it under the spare bed, where it was the last three times you asked me."

He's not asked me to look for anything for a while actually...

[Powaqa]

It's the same in this household; we call it a man look too

My son is the same, he wouldn't be able to find something with a GPS, a neon flashing light pointing to the object or the object shouting "Here I am

My daughter will ask if they have had a man look or a mom look?

[OutToGetYou]

Dp does this, but add in a bit of thick as well.
Today we did the first big shop for Christmas, going through the list at the till we'd forgotten brown sugar, I said it didn't matter because we have a spare bag at home cos we bought two last time (cos I can remember stuff like that).
We get home, we're packing all the food in boxes (we're going away so getting it all ready to take with us) and I said "get that spare sugar put of the cupboard", "where is it?"note I can't actually see in the cupboard at this point. "about the third self down, on the left, not right at the front" (cos I can remember stuff like that), pulls out opened half used bag of sugar. "this?" no, how is an open, half used bag a 'spare' bag?
"where's the spare one then? "
Yes, dear reader, it was right behind it, where I had sensibly put it only a week or so ago.
Grrrr.

[evelynj]

So familiar-love the pound thing

[MummyPig24]

Every single day dh asks me where his car keys are. I do not drive and I have my own set of house keys so I would never need to touch his keys. He just refuses to,put them in the same place every day. Therefore he can never remember where they are. Same goes for the wallet.

[Naoko]

Drives me fucking mental. I think some people, often women, are conditioned to just register where things are as they go about their day, and others don't see the need so switch that part of their perception off. I do it everywhere. Once, as an undergrad student, I got three male friends staring at me open mouthed when I was round their house and one of them was clattering about the kitchen complaining to the other one he couldn't find a certain thing. I told him it was in his room, next to the desk, under a zoology textbook, where I'd spotted it a week prior when I went up there to say hi to him. It was right where I said it was. Apparently the fact that I can do this not only in my own house but also in theirs was terrifying.

[FuckOffJeffrey]

We don't have a name for it in our house but DH does this all the time frequently. I tell him exactly where something is and he can't find it, my response 'move stuff around' usually works.

It is a genuine thing for some people to not see something for looking at it. A bit like when you check your watch 3 times in a row and still don't know what time it is.

[ZenNudist]

I call it looking with man eyes. I have dh and 2 ds and no one can find a damn thing.

I'm no good a describing where things are "by the thingy next to the whatsit" are actual directions is give, so end up just getting it, which I know is enabling.

[Wagglebees]

All the time here too. It's half habit, half laziness. I now ask if he really needs to ask or reply with I don't know. I also occasionally point out that my vagina is not The Oracle nor is it the font of all knowledge.

vHe really wasn't aware he does it and since I became ill I don't have the spare energy.

[FruVikingessOla]

Giggling at JapaneseSlipper's DH!

DP can be a bit of a man-looker too sometimes, fortunately not too often. He's usually quite precise about where he puts his phone, keys and wallet. But he did have a bit of a panic the other day when he thought, having put his towelling dressing gown in the washing machine, he'd left his phone in the pocket ... luckily he found it lurking under a piece of paper on the table.

[londonrach]

(Laughs). Right took me two years but i got a wooden bowl and always placed that near you come through the door but far enough away from the letterbox. Dh is now trained to drop keys, phoned etc into that bowl. He did complain he wasnt a dog but explained it was me too. . Has reduced the where is the comments by about 90% The rest items are his problem as dont effect me, so i never look for them so strangely things tend not to get lost now... Strangely when we moved into this flat and couldnt find the wood bowl as was packed dh got one of our cereal bowls out nd we used that for a couple of days. I feel your pain.

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

And yet these men manage to hold down responsible full time jobs...

[Ememem84]

We have this in our house. Dh can never find his keys/wallet/phone

I've stopped helping him look. And just let him flap now. We're in training mode. Find your own things. Learn to leave them somewhere sensible (and preferably all together).

Drives. Me. Insane.

[trinitybleu]

I make mine say "the womb is not a locating device" whilst I look. He genuinely puts stuff down and 10 seconds later can't remember where he put it. This I don't mind too much.

DD will go to the vague location, possibly cast her eyes around and then declare she can't find it. This drives me mental.

[Youcantscaremeihavechildren]

You yhink thats bad. I teach boys. Art. So approx 4 hrs a day of being asked 20 time an hour where stuff is. When I've told them. Shown them. And have labels on every bloody thing.

"Miss wheres my work youve lost it..."

Really? Have I? Have you done a boy look or a proper look?

I glance at drawer/folder/drying rack and instantly spot it...

I've considered having it tattooed on my head to save time.