Engagement party

[WhatstheT]

I'm posting here for traffic really.

Me and Partner had our first child In Jan, and we got engaged this year too. We didn't have a christening, and we don't plan on getting married for a good few years until we have the money, and DD is old enough to be involved.

My question is... what do people think of engagement parties?

We haven't really had a family celebration before, or really arranged any real parties before, and we were considering inviting friends and family for a get together just to celebrate engagement/baby all in one go...

Having never had a party before... not sure what people think of arranging a do for yourself... it would only be renting a room in a social club/having a drink/buffet type of do, but I'm not sure if it's a bit self indulgent ? (Well of course it is.. it's a party for us! lol) There won't be any formalities of speeches (just a thank you for coming)

What do people think when they get invited to this kind of thing? A chore or a good pissup?

Engagement parties are seen as an excuse for gifts in the main. Having one six months after the event when the couple already have children seems a little odd.

Just use the money and have a wedding instead.

DP and I got engaged during this June- no kids and we'd just moved in together.

We went to the pub with his family the evening we got engaged and headed back to the family house for more drinks. No presents or anything, but immediately after we announced it there were questions of "where are you going to have the wedding? How many bridesmaids? Etc etc"

It never even crossed my mind to have a party- they just don't seem to be the done thing anymore here (Ireland), and the few I have seen smell of the couple knowing they aren't getting married for ages but just want some attention and/or presents now.

I would just have a boozy first birthday party for your baby

I think engagement parties are self-indulgent and I would just think 'but who cares' if I was invited to one. Sorry, I know that sounds very grinch-ey.

I love a buffet, so would be very happy with your style of party. I don't think throwing a party for yourself is odd. Isn't that exactly what birthday parties are? I had an engagement party, as did the majority of my friends and no presents were expected or given (bar the bottle of champagne I brought over for my best friend as we got ready and drank it together).
If you're unsure though, I think a pp's idea of 'come and celebrate our brilliant year' is a great way of putting it.

I had one for the first time I was engaged,it was really good.

We hired a hall,had a disco with lots of food and a massive Engagement cake that was made for us by a family friend.

It was alot of organizing but there was nearly 200 people there,massive family on my side and we had all of our friends there as well.

I live a party and get other.

I happily give gifts.

I think long engagements, are a consolation prize, a 'shut people up' event, most people aren't planning a Wedding, so they're not properly engaged, as such.

I wouldn't ever comment, or not go to a party. I believe in people doing what they want and it's no-ones business.

I'd class it as a Family party, a delayed Celebration.

You might enjoy it enough to put on a Easter party, even just in the house. It's all good memories.

Absolutely go for it!! You have a lot to celebrate - so do just that! With so much misery in the world you need to grab oooortunities to have fun and celebrate something that is great that's happened - the birth of a new child and a commitment to be together - you don't get many better reasons than that!
Congratulations!

Does it really matter why you decide to throw a party? it's hardly a huge imposition to be invited to one, is it?

My social life is practically non-existent so I would be delighted to be invited to a party for any reason.

Up to you. But rather than having a long engagement and spending time planning an engagement party I'd rather put the effort into planning a small wedding

I think engagement parties meant something years ago when they were genuinely an announcement of an imminent marriage and couples weren't already living together with kids. Nowadays they can come across as just an obligation to buy a present

We got engaged when still at uni, and weren't planning to get married until 4 years later - a year after we graduated (which is what we did).

My dad offered to host a celebration, and I asked for a nice meal where my family could meet DH's family. Instead my dad threw me a massive engagement party; I know I sound an ungrateful bitch, but it wasn't what we wanted. It was in a golf club, with a disco, a buffet, a cake, speeches and a first dance, I kid you not! Everyone brought presents, which we weren't expecting, and because "it's not fair" for all my friends to be invited, my sister and my parents had a load of their friends invited too, and during the night some of them were sick in the loos. Nice! It was totally not what I wanted (I don't like to be the centre of attention at the best of times) and whilst I was happy-ish that the meal I wanted had become a disco and buffet affair, I was not happy at having a mini-wedding thrown upon me. Needless to say, our actual wedding was a much smaller do and much more meaningful for us. thankfully parents had divorced by then, so my dad had no money and couldn't take over

So, if you want an engagement party, have one. I'm certainly not against a knees-up if that's what you both want. Don't get pushed into having a wedding or mini-wedding if it's not what you want.

I think doing a combined first birthday and engagement sounds like a lovely idea, especially if you bring it forward a bit to January/February, which is such a dull and depressing time of year.
I'd definitely come along

I can understand people who get engaged when the actual marriage date is not decided, it formalises their relationship from boy/girl friend to 'betrothed', if that old fashioned term is still acceptable these days?
We're going to an engagement party this weekend, I don't think it's grabby (loathe that term), because we know the couple and they are not like that. Just a nice get together of family and friends.
Have a party if that's what you want to do, Op. You can put a discrete 'no presents please' on the invitation or just say to people who might ask. We did that for a recent significant life event party we had last year. A couple of family members gave us presents anyway, which was lovely of them, but most didn't, which was fine too.
We have a party at least once a year, usually two or three times, because we enjoy entertaining and are lucky to have the house room, can afford it and have nice family and friends who enjoy coming and having an evening together. We also love going to other people's parties, if they are kind enough to invite us. We don't go looking for ulterior motives.
Be nice to have a party to look forward to in the new year. Hope it all goes well for you. And congratulations on your engagement.

Just say it's a party. Do you have to have a reason to get people together?

As for the "no gifts", it doesn't work. People will give you presents, especially if they hear that other people are, because they won't want to look mean and if it's dd's birthday she'll get presents anyway.