Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Engagement party

88 replies

WhatstheT · 10/12/2015 12:42

I'm posting here for traffic really.

Me and Partner had our first child In Jan, and we got engaged this year too. We didn't have a christening, and we don't plan on getting married for a good few years until we have the money, and DD is old enough to be involved.

My question is... what do people think of engagement parties?

We haven't really had a family celebration before, or really arranged any real parties before, and we were considering inviting friends and family for a get together just to celebrate engagement/baby all in one go...

Having never had a party before... not sure what people think of arranging a do for yourself... it would only be renting a room in a social club/having a drink/buffet type of do, but I'm not sure if it's a bit self indulgent ? (Well of course it is.. it's a party for us! lol) There won't be any formalities of speeches (just a thank you for coming)

What do people think when they get invited to this kind of thing? A chore or a good pissup?

OP posts:

Original poster

WhatstheT · 10/12/2015 14:49

TheVeryThing

Thanks :)

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 10/12/2015 14:55

My dd had an engagement party a month or so after her engagement it was a great night do it.

Original poster

WhatstheT · 10/12/2015 14:58

Thanks MrsJayy

OP posts:

Whatthefoxgoingon · 10/12/2015 15:20

I find engagement parties incredibly naff, and I thought they went out of fashion many years ago. Sorry, I never really saw the point of them. Just have a party.

Original poster

WhatstheT · 10/12/2015 15:23

Whatthefoxgoingon I guess a party is a party if it's the same party whether it's called "the party" or "engagement party" surely the name doesn't dictate whether the party is naff or fun?

Who knows...

I'd probably just name it "The Social Gathering With No Name" to avoid engagement party eyerolls I guess :D

OP posts:

AwakeCantSleep · 10/12/2015 15:27

I don't really 'get' engagements unless they are pretty swiftly followed by the announcement of a wedding. So celebrating an engagement if you make it very clear that any wedding is still years away is not my cup of tea really. Especially if you already live together and have a child. It does come across as attention seeking and present grabbing.

Eeyore86 · 10/12/2015 15:27

I had an engagement party back in 2008 it was a simple, informal family gathering at my parents home with some family friends also attending it was a lovely day and we had the party as we weren't getting married for a couple of years due to our situation (as it turns out we didn't get married as he ended up having an affair) there was no expectations of presents from people however a few of my parents friends did bring some which was lovely but totally unexpected by both of us.

If you want the party op go for it!

Whatthefoxgoingon · 10/12/2015 15:35

Well, several people have said they don't like engagement parties on this thread, so there is obviously some dislike of them generally. My colleague went to an engagement party several years ago, that he said was like a wedding, complete with a cake cutting and presents. It sounded completely over the top, and the couple were ridiculed behind their backs. Although I'm not suggesting that you'd be so obliviously narcissistic as them, I hasten to add! Honestly why not just have a tasteful dinner party at home?

KondoAttitude · 10/12/2015 15:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blueboys · 10/12/2015 16:11

We had an engament party, thrown by my mother. Gifts were received but certainly not expected! My Mum is a super hostess and arranged it all as she loves a party, she put on a massive BBQ and provided all the drinks, so it certainly wasn't for grabby reasons. Everyone was there because they wanted to be and they were all invited to the wedding to. If you want to do it then you should and the people there will be there to support you. I have been to a couple of engagement parties, I didn't think they were strange things? Congrats!!

waitingforsomething · 10/12/2015 16:27

Congrats! I am that age where I am at weddings allll the time but I have to say no one has had an engagement party. I got married last weekend and take it from me, no matter how hard you try, if you want quite a few people there then it costs quite a bit. I would save the money as if it's not for a few years you could build up a good best egg to cover your expenses.
If I am barking up the wrong tree and someone is funding your wedding then spd it, have an engagement bash !

CurbsideProphet · 10/12/2015 16:36

I'm finding it a bit sad that if people were invited by close friends/family to an engagement celebration, they would be quite sniffy and negative about it.

MatildaTheCat · 10/12/2015 16:59

From my point of view having an engagement party might give rise to expectations from people as to who would be invited. For a general party we invite friends and close relations. At a proper engagement party I guess more distant relations might expect to be invited, aunts and uncles who would be invited to the wedding and so on. I suppose back in the day it would have been mainly family from both sides, perhaps meeting for the first time.

It might also give rise to expectations about who will be invited to the actual wedding and roles played etc. Remember the engagement party scene in Bridesmaids?

So tread with caution. Maybe more of a 'come and celebrate our brilliant year' party would be safer.

Headofthehive55 · 10/12/2015 17:24

I'd think it was a bit of a forced party, you are celebrating you are going to get married. I don't think an engagement is worthy of a celebration in itself.
Sorry.

Rare these days, and especially as no wedding in the imminent future I think it's a bit of a non event.

BooAvenue · 10/12/2015 17:53

Well to me an engagement is where the couple have set the date in the not too distant future and have firm plans in place for their marriage. Otherwise it's just your boyfriend buying you a ring and saying "let's get married one day".

So by that logic I find engagement parties rather pointless and naff because you're either a) having a party when there is another one in the not too distant future (wedding) or b) having a party to celebrate your boyfriend buying you a ring

I am a cynical old fart though

Bobotybobjob · 10/12/2015 18:08

Engagement parties are still the norm where I am. My parents held a drinks reception for their friends and us, my IL's did the same for their friends and family and we hired out a bar for our friends

Filiboom · 10/12/2015 18:29

We had an engagement. It was lovely. Lots of people came, we're happy for us and had fun. Some even brought presents (which took us by surprise, but we really appreciated it!). If I'd thought for a minute that people were judging us for having it, I'd have been really sad and probably not had one. However, it was one of the most fun evenings I've had and DH, who is somewhat antisocial and doesn't like parties, had a blast and was a lot more relaxed about the wedding as a result.

I've also been to several engagement parties and have really enjoyed them, both as an opportunity to get dressed up and see friends and to celebrate with the engaged couple. People get so busy that it's lovely to have an excuse to all get together. Now that most of my friends have children, it can be difficult to organise and I'm currently looking forward to all the 40ths that are now looming. As is so often said on here, it's an invitation, not a summons....

I'd say go for it and I hope you have a wonderful time!

Filiboom · 10/12/2015 18:29

Whoops - didn't proof read first sentence, but should make sense!

alleypalley · 11/12/2015 01:05

I love a good party. There's not enough parties these days. If you invited me I'd go. I'd rather go to an engagement party than be invited to another birthday meal somewhere expensive where I'm expected to pay for food and drink as well as bring a gift.

I'm always so busy with work and home, I find I'm always saying to people 'we must catch up soon', a party is great for seeing lots of people in one place.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 11/12/2015 03:27

I like parties in the local social club with a buffet (and good music). Never been to an engagement party but what you're planning sounds fun and appropriate to me.

DeepBlueLake · 11/12/2015 04:11

I got engaged in my home country (I live in the UK) so my my mum threw an engagement party with about 30 close friends / family at a local clubroom about a week after our engagement.

It was mainly done because I was getting married in the UK so it was a celebration for my friends and family who could not make the wedding.

We got a few presents, most of them my mum has got because we couldn't transport them back to the UK.

Tbh I would find it a bit pointless if you have no immediate plans of getting married. Just have a party

Fratelli · 11/12/2015 06:23

Congratulations. I personally would put the money towards the wedding. But that's simply because I don't see the point of getting engaged when you can't get married for a while.

ImogenTubbs · 11/12/2015 06:36

I had one and it was great. Low fuss though, just a room above a pub and we bought some snacks and shit loads of prosecco, everyone paid for anything else they wanted, so it was more just a chance to get good friends together. There were no formal 'moments', the only thing that came close was when DH brought out the most enormous bouquet of flowers for me as a surprise, and everyone stopped and cheered, which was lovely.

If you want one, go for it!

ImogenTubbs · 11/12/2015 06:57

Also, it sort of never occurred to me that people buy engagement presents, and clearly something in the way we pitched the invite meant it didn't occur to anyone else either, as no one brought presents, which was absolutely right (well, DH's nan bought us some champagne glasses).

happsymum · 11/12/2015 07:16

id do an engagement party :) after being to two in the last year they really are just a big party to celebrate your news and to have all your friends and family in the same room, we only got invites through facebook or a e-invite as very unformal get togethers. my DP and i thoroughly enjoyed both, and when we asked what gift they wanted both said dont be silly! - we got them champagne - just to turn up with a token gift - i think we were one of the few that did even that - i saw someone else brought a bunch of roses, and a few other bottles of wine/champagne. Dp has even said, when we get engaged he'd like one too - totally changed his opinion on them as he used to think was just daft. (yay)

Flip

1 2 3 4