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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

inappropriate customer

91 replies

MagicFinger · 10/12/2015 09:05

DH is a builder and a year ago worked for a couple. The woman would ask what his favourite cake was then bake them and send photos of them to his whatsapp. She would ask him round for cups of tea and send personal emails asking how he was and saying she was worried about him as hadn't seen him for a while...

I found this inappropriate so asked him not to do anymore work for them.

A year later she has contacted him again, she's recommended him for a big contract and also wants him back to work in her new house. I found a couple of texts from her on his phone and a couple of others which the phone said had been deleted...

He says I'm being crazy and that he feels he needs to keep her happy as she's got him this big contract.

I feel really weird about it, Aibu?

OP posts:

Gruntfuttock · 10/12/2015 19:12

I agree is weird that he's asked her to contact you. You're his wife, all this needs to be sorted out between you and him. She's the outsider - or should be.

RaspberryOverload · 10/12/2015 19:14

I would not be replying to this woman.

I'd be telling the DH he tells her to back off, and to look for work elsewhere.

I think he's enjoying the feeling of having this woman's attention, and doesn't want to be the "bad guy" telling her to back off.

It's inappropriate, and I'd seriously consider the future of the relationship as he doesn't seem to acknowledge that this is so disrespectful towards the OP, the person he's professed to love.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 10/12/2015 19:23

I've just done it on my Galaxy J1 and it does come up deleted.

He feels the need to keep her happy. But he doesnt mind making you unhappy.

LittleBeautyBelle · 10/12/2015 19:31

I think this woman's behavior is unacceptable. Your husband is drawn to the promise of a big contract via this awful woman so he thinks he has to go along with her inappropriate advances--which is why she coupled the big contract with wanting him to do work in her house, she knows what she's doing.

If it were me, I'd be disappointed that your husband can't even acknowledge that this woman is beyond the pale. Hher behavior and your husband's dismissal of your concerns are extremely disrespectful to you, his wife.

I'd tell him to say no to the contract and to have nothing whatsoever to do with her again. Nonnegotiable. She is playing the game of bribing him with a lucrative contract. His sense of ethics needs to be sharpened forthwith.

Aramynta · 10/12/2015 19:40

He feels the need to keep her happy. But he doesn't mind making you unhappy.

^^ This.

Jux · 10/12/2015 19:44

Why on earth would you waste your time replying to anything sent by a woman you don't know, who has caused problems between you and your dh, who has previously behaved inappropriately towards him, and is repeating the whole shebang again? Why?

Ignore her.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 10/12/2015 19:45

Absolutely do not contact her.

You may as well get a big flag that she's a threat to your marriage and that's going to egg her on more than anything he could do.

You need to talk to him.

bessiebumptious2 · 10/12/2015 20:01

If my DP did that (asked this woman to contact me), he'd be out on his arse. It's patronising and I'd find it humiliating that he'd clearly discussed my discomfort with her instead of with me.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 10/12/2015 20:04

What Bessie said. My ex discussed me with the woman he left me for, it pissed me off to no end.

LittleBeautyBelle · 10/12/2015 20:19

The OP that posted about makeup on her husband's collar needs to read this thread and see what truly suspicious/wrong behavior looks like.

OP, this is outrageously despicable behavior from your husband and this manipulative predator woman.

AnyFucker · 10/12/2015 20:28

everything said here was said on op's original thread

it's all never actually gone away

op, there is no new advice for you other than is this how you want to live ?

Original poster

MagicFinger · 10/12/2015 23:19

He's deleted her from Facebook and said he will not be doing any work for her.

He did only reply to two of her 7 texts, the calls were from her (2 missed). He said he'd replied to thank her for recommending him, nothing more, which is true.

He still maintains she's not interested in him although agrees her behaviour is inappropriate. He's asked what he can do to make this situation better.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 11/12/2015 07:01

this is what he said he would do last time

Brioche201 · 11/12/2015 07:14

If he is going to have an affair with her he will whether you 'allow' him to work their or not.The orher thing is that your husband's business puts food on the table. He needs to make a decision on a business basis.finally she is cleatly a keen baker , with her dh away she is probably short of 'eaters'

Learningtoletgo · 11/12/2015 10:38

The comment she put about making you worse would be the acid test for me. She has been disrespectful towards her builders wife and has stepped over the mark. Your DH should have stepped in at that point and told her he was unhappy about the insinuation she was making. He didn't and that would be a problem in my book.

Your DH is the issue not her. She's just an annoyance.

If this were me I'd be having a serious conversation with my husband about his behaviour in all this. Being in business means you act in a professional manner. He must remember that the income he gets from this woman comes from her AND her husband. Is he content with his his behaviour towards her that he'd be willing to show her husband all the messages?

He will get a reputation if it all backfires on him that will potentially harm his business. Is she worth that?

Ohfourfoxache · 11/12/2015 10:47

What prompted him to take her off FB?

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