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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

inappropriate customer

91 replies

MagicFinger · 10/12/2015 09:05

DH is a builder and a year ago worked for a couple. The woman would ask what his favourite cake was then bake them and send photos of them to his whatsapp. She would ask him round for cups of tea and send personal emails asking how he was and saying she was worried about him as hadn't seen him for a while...

I found this inappropriate so asked him not to do anymore work for them.

A year later she has contacted him again, she's recommended him for a big contract and also wants him back to work in her new house. I found a couple of texts from her on his phone and a couple of others which the phone said had been deleted...

He says I'm being crazy and that he feels he needs to keep her happy as she's got him this big contract.

I feel really weird about it, Aibu?

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 10/12/2015 16:04

Have you posted about this before? It sounds so familiar.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 10/12/2015 16:12

This is really familiar, you've posted about this before?

That last message is overstepping the mark. Why would a builder want to confide in a client about his marital problems? There's, at best, some kind of weird infatuation going on.

Loads of MNetters will be checking their DH's Samsung phones tonight for deleted messages

Original poster
MagicFinger · 10/12/2015 16:57

Yes I did about a year ago when it first happened, I got lots of amazing support on here and the general consensus was that it was inappropriate.

Yes I feel the last thing, calling him hun, saying she's there if he needs a chat and sending kisses Hmm.. Plus the, oh 'it may just make her worse' patronising tone.

OP posts:
Andylion · 10/12/2015 17:50

He has "nickname" for her in his phone? To hide who she is or does it suggest intimacy? Hmm

Why did he accept her Facebook request? He could set up a company profile and have her as a friend there.

Original poster
MagicFinger · 10/12/2015 18:04

Ugh, there's so much that's pissed me off.

Asking him round for cuppas, making him cakes, sending him photos of them to his whatsapp, sending him personal emails, saying she's worried about him, saying baking for the other tradesmen 'isn't the same' and now all this...

It's the deleted texts, the missed calls and the oh you know where I am if you need a chat hun, kiss kiss, rather than you should be speaking to your wife..

Am I being irrationally suspicious and jealous here?

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicFinger · 10/12/2015 18:04

It's a shortened version of her name, she sometimes signs her emails off with it.

OP posts:
UtterlyClueless · 10/12/2015 18:05

No id be suspicious.

I don't mean to be that poster but the woman isn't all to blame either, I understand your husband wants work etc but surely he is enjoying the attention if he's accepting her on Facebook etc.

GwynethPaltrowIamNot · 10/12/2015 18:10

I'd tell her that her behaviour is coming across as slightly odd and desperate
Patronising cow that she is

LilQueenie · 10/12/2015 18:12

Is your husband desperate for work. I would ask him straight out how well the business is doing and what does he value more your marriage or one business contract that he could probably get elsewhere.

CoraPirbright · 10/12/2015 18:16

This is entirely inappropriate and way overstepping the mark with all this talk of "might make her worse" and "you know where I am if you need me". As he has admitted before that if the shoe was on the other foot, he wouldn't like it then I would talk to him again taking this tack. He needs to take your feelings more seriously and she needs to back the fuck off. Women like this make my blood boil.

FundraisingPTABitch · 10/12/2015 18:16

yeah, I don't do all that.

Have you asked her if she realises her behaviour is inappropriate?

Gruntfuttock · 10/12/2015 18:18

Sorry, OP, but I'd be suspicious in your place.

Original poster
MagicFinger · 10/12/2015 18:30

Thanks for your replies. She wrote to me earlier, I don't want to reply, but equally I would like to explain myself and how I perceive her behaviour...

OP posts:
UtterlyClueless · 10/12/2015 18:32

Reply, if you tell her how you feel towards her behaviour she might see it in a different perspective and realise she's behaved inappropriately

Notimefortossers · 10/12/2015 18:34

You said he worked for a couple? So this is a married woman?

Original poster
MagicFinger · 10/12/2015 18:50

Yes she is married

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicFinger · 10/12/2015 18:50

But her husband is never there

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicFinger · 10/12/2015 18:51

I'll draft up a reply!

OP posts:
LilQueenie · 10/12/2015 18:52

can you contact the husband?

RiceCrispieTreats · 10/12/2015 18:53

There's nothing you can say that will stop her behaving inappropriately: she wants to throw herself at your husband, so that's what she's doing. She owes you nothing.

Your husband is the problem here: the fact that he engages with this flirting, and has even asked her to contact you so that you can STFU and let them get on with it.

He could keep his distance. He could say "this is inappropriate, please stop". He's not, though. He is enabling this behaviour. He's the one you need to explain your feelings to.

TheoriginalLEM · 10/12/2015 18:56

DP had a woman like this, i don't know what it was, but something left a bad feeling in my mouth - like paying him for his time to hang a load (and i mean a load) of pictures only to pay him again the next day to move them. Getting him to take her to B&Q etc for paint because she wanted to choose. Telling him loads of really personal stuff.

Anyway, she threw her toys one day because he didn't turn up (because a text had gone astray which we received two days later - thanks O2) and told him not to come again.

She not so recently contacted him via a friend to ask him to do work at her house - I told DP i wasn't comfortable with it and that was an end to it.

There was never any deleted texts though - but i have to say i can feel myself bristling at the thought of it.

There is other work out there - tell him no.

stairbears · 10/12/2015 18:58

Do be sure to include something like: My husband has told me previously that he would not be happy if I was to receive the same inappropriate attention from a male, and on this basis he decided to not accept any more work from you, in respect of my wishes and feelings.

stairbears · 10/12/2015 18:59

But really, you should be the one talking to him, and he should be the one talking to her.

ThatsNiceDear · 10/12/2015 19:07

What did she say to you? Why the fuck is your h asking her to speak to you, his wife, on his behalf?! Since when has he needed someone to speak for him, especially to you, wtaf? I'd list all the stuff she's said and done, exactly as you've done here, and say it's inappropriate. Ask him to defriend her and no more contact. If he's unwilling it says a lot about how he feels about her, and you.

ThatsNiceDear · 10/12/2015 19:08

Also copy her h into your reply.

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