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AIBU?

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Original poster

inappropriate customer

91 replies

MagicFinger · 10/12/2015 09:05

DH is a builder and a year ago worked for a couple. The woman would ask what his favourite cake was then bake them and send photos of them to his whatsapp. She would ask him round for cups of tea and send personal emails asking how he was and saying she was worried about him as hadn't seen him for a while...

I found this inappropriate so asked him not to do anymore work for them.

A year later she has contacted him again, she's recommended him for a big contract and also wants him back to work in her new house. I found a couple of texts from her on his phone and a couple of others which the phone said had been deleted...

He says I'm being crazy and that he feels he needs to keep her happy as she's got him this big contract.

I feel really weird about it, Aibu?

OP posts:
KeepOnMoving1 · 10/12/2015 09:42

Given you have had an 'off' feeling from him I would say it's suspicious. Why wouldn't he tell you. What did he say when he saw you reading the texts 😁

ICanSeeForMiles · 10/12/2015 09:44

Hmm, I've got a galaxy s5 and just deleted some of dh texts but they're not showing at all on call log.

stairbears · 10/12/2015 09:45

You asked him not to do anymore work for her. He is now ignoring your wishes and prioritising money (at least) over your feelings. YANBU for feeling weird about that - it's a betrayal.

bruffin · 10/12/2015 09:46

I have a samsung s4. If you look on call log it says ubsaved but when you look at the message it says deleted

WoodleyPixie · 10/12/2015 09:49

Have you posted About this before? Sounds familiar.

If he can afford not to work for ask him to have no contact with her and to not work for her. If he needs the work you may have to accept that some women seem to get off on flirting with the workmen that come into their homes.

stairbears · 10/12/2015 09:51

You asked for him to do work for her anymore as the contact was inappropriate. How did he take that last time? Grudgingly? Willingly - agreeing that she was being ott?

JeSuisUnaStubbs · 10/12/2015 10:06

My DH is a tradesman and has a lot of customers who text him and stay in touch after the job has finished. They return to him when they need more work, recommend him to friends etc, because he's good at his job and they liked his work. Most of them are women. A lot of them get special biscuits in that he likes, give him bottles of wine/beer and stuff like that.

He has an old brick phone (due to the nature of his work) which only has a memory for about 30 messages so he deletes ALL his sent items and inbox texts.

I'm not remotely suspicious about any of this because I trust him 100%. It sounds a lot like you don't.

The 'personal emails' thing would make me Hmm (I must admit we've never had this, but then he is barely computer literate Grin) but if he's not responding or leading her on then it's her problem, not his. I wouldn't ask him to refuse future work though - work is work. I completely understand why he wants to keep her happy.

stairbears · 10/12/2015 10:11

But OP says he had agreed not to after last time? So either he was fobbing her off then, or has changed his mind and only now decided to call OP 'crazy'. Either treatment is unfair, regardless if whether OP is right to be concerned. In a relationship, you show consideration for and respect to feelings.

sofiahelin · 10/12/2015 10:23

He's probably just worried about your reaction it sounds like you don't trust him.
Favourite cakes etc does sound a bit ott but some people like to have a bank of workmen, help etc that they keep close & treat like friends

Original poster
MagicFinger · 10/12/2015 10:25

Ugh, they've just become friends on Facebook.. She requested himHmm

OP posts:
MistyBells · 10/12/2015 10:34

My samsung galaxy does that as well

AuntieMaggie · 10/12/2015 10:39

Just tried this on my S4 and it's an interesting trick...

Has he deleted all previous messages or specific ones at certain times? if it's only certain ones and ones he's sent as well as ones received then imo that's not good...

buy also why has he accepted her friend request???

FundraisingPTABitch · 10/12/2015 10:40

actually**

I made two builder friends over the years. I'm not interested in them romantically, I'm married (our marriage is rocky, but I do love my butthole of a dh and can't even think of another man).

The first one always brings me flowers and nice trinkets--even shoes for my babies when they were born. I think he does this, because I asked about his family once and he told me that he has a daughter that he loves to the moon and back. He has a really cool life story. Like really, really cool.

He's a great builder, and really listens to my crazzzzy decoration requests. I'm incredibly annoying to work for and so from time to time I do ask after him and his very sweet little girl (he's brought her over a few times).

If anyone is in London and would like his info, I am happy to give it. His rates are fair, he's a nice character and if my life was a sitcom he would deliver quite a lot of the punchlines.

The other builder--well his wife is a baker and he brings over cakes all the time. I take pictures of cakes to send to him for his wife as decoration inspiration. They were at some point refugees, he used to be an architect and she was a medical doctor. He now does building work and she now bakes. I've never been introduced to her, don't even know her name; but when I do see him she always sends her version of whatever cake I sent a picture of last.

At Christmas time and other holidays I do wish them and their families the best.

Not everything has to come to affairs. Sometimes it's just being a nice human.

So If I'm the lady sending pictures of the santa cheesecake bites and ask after the family, I really hope all of you have a wonderful christmas.

Original poster
MagicFinger · 10/12/2015 10:42

Last time he said I was crazy and jealous (I don't really do jealousy, this is the first time I've ever felt something is inappropriate). When I asked if I would have been ok the other way round he relented and said perhaps she was over friendly...

OP posts:
Optimist1 · 10/12/2015 10:50

In an ideal world he'd have talked to you about the potential conflict between lucrative jobs and his over-zealous client. Surely it's not too late to do that? (But you will need to rein in your suspicions!)

Senpai · 10/12/2015 10:50

If you don't trust him, you don't trust him. You obviously have much bigger problems in your relationship that need to be worked on. But don't expect him to turn down good money just because you're being paranoid. He might need it for the divorce fees

DH has a bunch of flirty women he does contract work for. It brings in good money. At the end of the day, I trust him.

Kaytee1987 · 10/12/2015 10:51

I have a Samsung galaxy s5 and you can see if texts have been deleted. Whether or not you should have been looking at his phone the fact is he had deleted the texts which makes it seem suspicious. I think you've got every right to ask him not to see this woman again.

CallMeExhausted · 10/12/2015 10:53

I can't think of a way to say this without being judgemental, so...

The woman is inappropriate and mildly crackers. However, your mistrust of your husband is a significantly bigger issue. This is his business, and I would assume it contributes significantly to household finances. He has dismissed her silliness in the past, and deleted the texts because he knew you would react exactly as you did.

Self- fulfilling prophecy, he knows her form... and yours.

And why the hell were you reading his texts in the first place?

My phone is locked with a thumbprint. I have programmed it to recognize my husband's as well. This is in the event of an emergency - so he can access my medical info (medication dosages etc). I would never in a million years think he would pick it up randomly and start going through it, and even if he did, I have nothing to hide.

BeanGirls · 10/12/2015 10:55

I've just deleted a text from my dh. Went in to the call log to check and it says deleted! Omg never knew that.

If you trust him I'd say he deleted them just because he knew there would be an argument from you over them. He's probably just keeping her happy if she's getting him lore work.

If you don't trust him, well he doesn't trust you either as he knows you'll check his phone.

Either way he doesn't need to be whatsapp-in her or popping in for tea!

Kaytee1987 · 10/12/2015 10:55

I must say as a caveat I completely trust my husband but also have never been put in this position. This manumber sounds like he is being rude and unreasonable to his wife who is genuinely worried - also why is he hiding messages from the women, if there's nothing to hide then there's nothing to hide surely?

Kaytee1987 · 10/12/2015 10:56

Man*

stairbears · 10/12/2015 11:04

So he wouldn't accept the situation if the shoe was on the other foot, but then still ignored your feelings anyway?

Others are saying you should trust him, but his behaviour is not that of a trustworthy man. He has gone back on his word.

If he wouldn't be happy with you receiving the same attention then it's a case of double-standards really.

YANBU

FundraisingPTABitch · 10/12/2015 11:13

Oh, but I don't invite them over for cups of tea or hang out with them for coffee.

Supermanspants · 10/12/2015 11:20

My Galaxy does that.

Original poster
MagicFinger · 10/12/2015 14:36

He asked her to contact me to set my mind at rest... She said 'hi hun' that she would but it 'might make me worse' and he knows where she is 'if he needs a chat X'

OP posts:
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