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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would I be unreasonable to not go to childs nativity?

81 replies

Loftsequin · 09/12/2015 15:28

I feel unwell and it's a trek taking younger children. They say they aren't bothered if I go or not ...?

OP posts:
Original poster
Loftsequin · 09/12/2015 18:06

Then just as genuinely why does it matter to you? Xmas Smile. Sometimes it's just nice to get opinions and views on a matter.

OP posts:
moosemama · 09/12/2015 18:12

I have just been the last one any of my dcs will ever be in. I thought I'd be relieved, but actually found myself a bit tearful at the end. Blush

Dh stood at the back to record it and I was seated, as I can't stand for very long. Dd was on the front of the stage for quite a bit of the performance. I saw her notice her dad and grin, then spend the rest of the play searching the audience with a worried look on her face, as she thought I wasn't there - despite me telling her only an hour before that I would be. She looked so relieved when she finally spotted me on her way back to the classroom.

I really think it depends on the child though. Ds1 really wasn't the slightest bit bothered whether we were there or not. Ds2 liked us to go, but was fine if we couldn't make it and dd would be upset if we didn't.

My two oldest are now in secondary and I do have to admit to enjoying the anonymity and distance. I found it odd at first, but have learned to love it. The lack of a constant stream of Christmas related demands/donations and 'special days' alone has been a revelation.

If your dcs genuinely aren't bothered I wouldn't put yourself through it.

BastardGoDarkly · 09/12/2015 18:41

I hate them and I've already been to one performance this week is what you said one page 1.

Original poster
Loftsequin · 09/12/2015 18:45

Oh I see - that was a different performance, not the school nativity play but a performance linked to child's hobby which I was happy to go to. The nativity - not so much!

OP posts:
myusernamewastaken · 09/12/2015 20:27

i was never a fan of school plays, harvest festivals, sports day and i absolutely loathed parents evenings....i love it now mine are all teens....one parents evening a year and thats it x

Bin85 · 09/12/2015 20:50

Go if you can
You'll realise why later
Watched a friend of mine watch her child be an angel when she thought she never would be able to see it due to cancer.

Original poster
Loftsequin · 09/12/2015 20:54

To be honest I'm glad I didn't after reading the thread about crying babies ruining performances Blush the baby would probably have had a little wail.

OP posts:
scarlets · 09/12/2015 21:09

I started genuinely enjoying them in Y5 when the acting and singing was half decent. Before that, I found them nice but a tad tedious tbh. There was always an unseemly scramble for seats, as well. And there is always one audience member with a bawling baby who drowns out a solo.

Original poster
Loftsequin · 09/12/2015 21:12

That would have been me Blush Grin

OP posts:
tootsietoo · 09/12/2015 21:21

DD2's nativity is 3 performances! I was planning to do one of them, and now my mum has just told me she is planning to go to the other two - because "it would be terrible for no one to be watching her". I have obviously missed something! I would never have contemplated going to more than one.

I completely understand why you wouldn't - only you know if your older children really would be bothered about you missing it. I'm not sure it would scar them for life, if you are not the sort of family that bothers too much about that sort of thing.

Original poster
Loftsequin · 09/12/2015 21:24

My mum and dad always worked so it was rare they saw me in anything like that and it didn't really bother me to be honest, although I did genuinely enjoy Tuesday's performance even though the baby screamed Blush

We're definitely ready for secondary I think!

OP posts:
Higge · 09/12/2015 21:37

I don't miss the nativity - it was dull as shite and the artistic director teacher was a bloody nightmare with her high performance standards for 5 year olds!..or the assemblies or the sports days! I did enjoy the drama performances outside of school - more relaxed and very funny.

dlnex · 09/12/2015 22:02

I am not sure I would have been able to live with myself had I not been at a nativity, but its not my favourite outing, and it feels like rite of passage that it was the last one tonight

RictusGrimace · 09/12/2015 22:03

Sorry OP but my gob is genuinely smacked that anyone dislikes nativities.

I move everything round at work to make dc's

Original poster
Loftsequin · 09/12/2015 22:05

You don't need to apologise, but I defy anyone to listen to that piano without wincing! Grin

OP posts:
Higge · 09/12/2015 22:33

I go and I look like I enjoy it but watching other people's kids does not entertain me. I go to show support to my dc and smile and play the part - but nativities are awful.

moosemama · 09/12/2015 22:38

They only do nativities up to year 2 in my dcs primary school and parents are only given tickets to one of two performances. We still get the ridiculous front-row hogging behaviour from certain parents though.

When my older two were that young all the parents of the two years that were performing went to both performances, with no ticket restrictions - so there would be lots of extended family attending too and it was usually standing room only. There was lots of seat reserving and hogging and the same group of parents waited outside, regardless of rain/sleet/snow for up to an hour to try and bag the front row every single year. They changed the system a couple of years ago as it really was getting ridiculous and I have to admit it's a much more pleasant experience these days as a result.

There were a few noisy toddlers and babies at dd's this year, but I think that sort of adds to the charm - unless they're full on wailing/screaming - the delight some of them showed on seeing their older sibling on stage was lovely.

daydreamnation · 09/12/2015 22:39

Love them! Just as well, I have worked in early years forever and so put them on every year, can't beat a bored looking Mary and we sure had one this year Grin
As for your original question, it's a tricky one, I personally loved all of my dcs school shows but I do appreciate they're not for everyone and not always easy to get to when you have younger dcs or work/illness to factor in!

Mehitabel6 · 10/12/2015 07:29

I feel sorry for the children if you don't want to go. They pick up on body language and if they can tell that you don't want to go of course they say that they are not bothered! It doesn't mean it is true.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 10/12/2015 08:23

I went my DD's performance last night. Main performers were Y4 so pretty good standard of acting, singing and comic timing. My DD was in the chorus (as was all her year) but she was right at the front and centre and was really getting into the performance. I loved it actually Xmas Smile

Owllady · 10/12/2015 08:28

You don't need to feel sorry for my children :) just as much as I don't need to feel sorry for yours methi
There isn't some invisible good parents /happy child list that includes going to every nativity

LittleLionMansMummy · 10/12/2015 08:34

I went to my first one yesterday. It's a whole school production (quite a small infant school) and there are 3 showings this week so all parents can go to one. Of course it's not Shakespeare at the Globe, of course the acting and singing is awful. But I can't help but smile like a Cheshire cat throughout to see all the children looking for their parents and grinning/ waving when they see them. That's pure love and pride that is, on both parts - child and parent. When so many children grow up in neglect and abuse, it brings a tear to my eye to see what unconditional love looks like. And you can't get much more unconditional that smiling inanely as your child plays the piano/ violin/ guitar badly.

*Disclaimer: my child does not play an instrument and struggled to even sing.

Mehitabel6 · 10/12/2015 09:12

I have produced lots of them and it is disappointing for the child without a parent to watch- whatever the child may tell a parent.

Owllady · 10/12/2015 09:57

I couldn't work out if you'd produced lots of children or nativities! Blush :o

noeffingidea · 10/12/2015 10:10

OP give it a miss if you really feel that your child won't mind. I'm not going to my daughter's concert this year. She doesn't even notice if I'm there or not. (she has special needs). I've been going to these things for over 20 years now and I just can't face it this year.