To ask if it is possible to not do cry it out but still get some sleep??

[HariboFrenzy]

Pfb ds is 6 months. He was in a routine that he 'fell into' all by himself-napping during the day and going to sleep after his bath and last feed. Then he was ill. Nothing major, just a cold that he didn't shake off for over 3 weeks. Now, the only routine is that there is no routine...

My main issue is that he will not go to sleep after his bath and feed anymore. I had him all settled at 6.50... he dozed for about 20 minutes and then woke crying. He is still awake and whinging.

Interfering well meaning family keep telling me I need to nip this in the bud and that it won't hurt him to let him cry but I can't .

So... am I making a rod for my own back by not 'teaching him to self settle? I'd just like some time to myself

Yes, I did it by co-sleeping with my ds. In 2 years I never had to get out of bed at night, yay! Then he went into his own bed fine.

You aren't making a rod for your own back at all - my DM constantly tells me that! - when he's having a whinge pretend he's new again and bring him downstairs to sleep on you whilst you watch tv etc, well that's what I do! Most of the time DS goes down like a dream, occasionally he's a loon and is still running around at 9, stressful but like you I cannot listen to him cry!

Yep co-sleeping all the way here :)

As a fellow owner of a 6 month old. Nope.

No such thing as a rod for your own back IMO. This is baby 3 for me and 6 months is still tiny really. My older two both learned to fall asleep and stay asleep (unless bad dreams or poorly etc) without any crying.

I didn't do a proper bedtime till maybe 8 or 9 months and even then it was just into sleeping bag/brush teeth / story/ bf.

I've never had bath time as part of the routine either. ..DC3 is getting 2 or 3 at most a week and just a quick wash the other days.

I tend to take baby with me to the living room of an evening and watch TV/faff on mn while she feeds. If i want to get something done once she falls asleep, i sometimes pass her to DH to hold so i can get peace! Then take her to her bed when i go.

The wee monkeys often tend to change their patterns as soon as you think you've got them sussed. :)

Been there, it's crap so:

They do eventually get better at sleeping, on their own of their own accord. IME.

You don't need to nip anything in the bud, you need to look after your baby whatever way feels comfortable for you and your baby.
If you can't stand it leaving him to cry, don't. There are no rules and no deadlines for self settling.

DS could self settle from about 4 months on, never seemed to be bothered about going to sleep.. Until he was about 10 months old when he just refused to be put down anymore or go to sleep without me cuddling him. He stopped sleeping through the night too. They go through these fazes, and regressions and it is genuinely hard when you feel like it will never improve again but it will.

Ignore other people's comments and pressures, it's your baby and you know him best.

Mine is 6mo too and she's nodding off on me at the minute. She was sleeping earlier but I've gone back to work so I'm not getting home til 6:30, which means she gets giddy for a feed and takes longer to wind down.

We've never done evening baths though, she'd get way too excited!

I did a retreat with dd1 you sit with them next to the cot pat their back shush them and slowly retreat over a few days its ok for themnto cry a liitle bit babies are allowed to be grumpy as long as you are there your baby will be fine

Thank you for replies, good to know I'm not alone.

Jaggy sounds similar to what we do - bath, sleeping bag then downstairs to feed and then put into his crib in the living room until we go to bed. Then he gets transferred to his co-sleeper crib.

Problem is, now that he is beginning to sit up both the cribs are too short for him height wise iyswim. So now would be good time to start putting him in his own room. But I don't want to yet for a couple of reasons. Hence where the 'rod for your own back,' 'will still be in your room at 5，' are coming from...

I've got the big cot wedged up against my bed since she got a bit big foir the crib.

I don't really put her down in the living room much. It's peaceful enough cuddling her. I take my feeding pillow so she's balanced hands free for a glass of wine.

YES! Panic not! I was having trouble getting my 4 month old to settle at night because I realised I was keeping him up too late. I started putting him down earlier but he still fusses quite badly. He cries, I cuddle him, I pop him back in the basket. He cries, I cuddle him, I pop him back in the basket. Try and get him down while he is drowsy but not sleeping. I just did this as instinct but my sister says "oh you are doing the pick up put down method?" Which I guess I am! He is much improved within the week! I am not a co-sleeping mum and it's ok to admit if you don't want to be (I certainly did not!) You can still be a gentle parent with this method and get some sleep too! Persevere, and as a mum to two now I can assure you, this will all be a distant memory soon!

My motto is 'you do what you need to do to survive'. I co-slept with DS2 because he just didn't like sleeping solo. It was that or CIO/CC which would have driven me mad because I just can't listen to children cry. He's 5 next month and is a beautiful sleeper (in his own room). He just needed a little longer with us.

As for 'rod for your own back' it's very easy to judge when you're not in the supremely-tired position of parent. You need your sleep in order to be the great parent he deserves. If that means doing things differently to parents/friends, crack on. Do what's best for you and you can't go wrong.

We are having to co sleep atm its the only way we get sleep. Ds will sleep through only with us. It's better for us all we have to do things to get by.

I co-slept between the ages of 4-9 months.

When DS hit 9m I did CC because his sleep issues were spiralling out of control. I don't think I could have done it any younger than that though.

OP, I'm the same - DD is in a bedside crib but she's getting too big for it. She needs to be in a cot but I've no idea where we're going to put it. We don't have space to sidecar it to our bed really, and I don't want to cosleep with her in our bed as there's fuck all room. I do it occasionally if she won't settle but I end up with very little room. And I can never work out what to do with my arms!

The "rod for your own back" comment is so subjective/emotive as well.

A rod for your own back is basically just saying "you are teaching this baby X habit and that will last a long time".

Basically, it doesn't have to be a bad thing if you are okay with it. If you're happy co-sleeping until the kid turns 2 or 3, then not making the effort to transition the routine (and it IS an effort!) isn't a big deal.

Likewise, if you're okay with the baby only being able to get to sleep in your arms (and lots of people are, at least the majority of the time), then not teaching them to do otherwise isn't an issue.

I think often it's really a question of what the parent actually wants. If it's just that you're shattered, and annoyed and generally just want to complain for a bit (STANDARD!), but at a basic level don't want to change the routine - then it's more helpful to accept that things are a bit tough, but this is the road you want to go down.

If you're shattered, and annoyed, and want to complain, and at a basic level actively want the routine to change - then, yes, you do actually have to be prepared to deal with some resistance as the baby becomes accustomed to new habits.