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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give a present to one child and not the other

94 replies

TopHat33 · 08/12/2015 18:38

Im going to visit an old friend before Christmas - we've known each other a long time, exchange birthday and Christmas presents and meet up about once a year (live opposite ends of the country).

I have no children and she has two - a three year old DD and 11 month old DS. I have a little gift I'd love to give to her DD but don't really see anything the DS would want or need. AIBU to just give the present to her DD who will be excited by it?? It's just a small thing but I'm worried that 'I'm visiting before Christmas and here's a wrapped gift for you and one for DD' will make her think I'm ignoring her baby (I sent a card and gift when he was born). I obvs don't buy for her DH either. I'm not trying to be - and really don't want to look - mean...Im sure when DS is older I'll spot something he'd like to and I love giving gifts to small children - but don't really see the point for babies and don't want and can't afford to spend money just for the sake of it.

OP posts:

MrsGradyOldLady · 09/12/2015 08:57

Why can't 11 months have chocolate? I'm pretty sure mine all had chocolate well before then. Is this a new thing?

NinaSimoneful · 09/12/2015 08:58

Duh, 'read the OPs updates' then you sarky bitch.

LineyReborn · 09/12/2015 08:59

Who's a sarky bitch?

SarahSavesTheDay · 09/12/2015 09:00

Seriously, chocolate for an 11 month old?

If I were planning this out I would probably take a gift for both, but I certainly wouldn't feel badly about not having something for an 11 month old.

I'm sure the OP's friend has been positively inundated with cuddly toys so really, why?

CombineBananaFister · 09/12/2015 09:02

Hahaha I have also discovered the true meaning of RTFT - I thought it was Fucking too
tophat you sound like a lovely reasonable friend with a genuine query which you seem to be happy with the advice offered. I'd duck out now while you can though as it looks like it is going to get a bit hairy with what is considered to be a suitable gift choice for an 11 month. It'll IPADS and satsumas at dawn and accusations of contributing to childhood obesity
Duck out now I tell'ya !!!

SweetAdeline · 09/12/2015 09:12

I don't have a problem with a nearly one year old having a few chocolate buttons. But I'd be a bit worried the 3yo might prefer them to her own present.

BrianButterfield · 09/12/2015 09:14

I'm loving all the judginess over the chocolate! Everyone knows, surely, that what happens is the baby has a handful,of chocolate to smear round their face and the grown-ups eat the rest. Nobody's advocating holding the kid down and shoving Boosts into its mouth,

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 09/12/2015 11:20

on the acronyms list it says
RTFT
read the f**king thread

what are others suggesting it means?

MascaraAndConverse89 · 09/12/2015 11:25

There's me thinking RTFT means "Read The Full Thread".

I think the use of "fucking" has a better effect tbf

sofiahelin · 09/12/2015 11:35

Nobody's advocating holding the kid down and shoving Boosts into its mouth
Yea sure, I think all but pbf had tasted chocolate by this age but to buy it as a present for a baby would make me and . Hands up if you've ever bought a selection box for a baby?!

Nabootique · 09/12/2015 11:59

I think the chocolate thing depends on what the parents do. If they let 11mo have it, then it's okay to buy as a present, if they don't then don't. DD didn't have chocolate until 12 months. Relatives knew we didn't give it to her but still bought it for her for Christmas when she was 9 months. We just ate it ourselves!

chrome100 · 09/12/2015 14:01

Well I really don't see the point in buying a token gift for a baby who doesn't even know its arse from its elbow, never mind the fact it's Christmas!

Save your money and just give the DD a gift.

(However I do not have children either so feel free to ignore me).

reni2 · 09/12/2015 14:06

The three year old will look at the no-gift for her brother though. That is the point at which I start buying for babies, even if it is a poundshop gift.

Original poster

TopHat33 · 19/12/2015 20:44

So...thanks to the lovely MN, I did of course take something for both...which probably added to the general sea of crap accumulatated by a 3yo and 1yo but they enjoyed opening and I enjoyed reading out the tags with the 3yo and seeing her excitement and asking her to help her little brother open his present.

I think my friend appreciated me visiting and making cups of tea...a win all round!

OP posts:

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 19/12/2015 20:49

How much is a premium bond these days?

woodwaj · 19/12/2015 22:33

What did you buy in the end? (Nosey me!)

665 I think they start at £25 but I'm not sure. I do know that only a parent or grandparent can buy them for a child!

Original poster

TopHat33 · 20/12/2015 01:00

I bought a wee book in the end for the 1yo.

Tbh - the mum made a comment while I was there that having fewer people for Christmas would mean less crap being given/ lying around ie toys etc so I'm still not sure it was really the best thing ie should probably have not bought for either dc and just got mum a super nice present!

OP posts:

woodwaj · 20/12/2015 07:20

I have a 10 month old and as much as my house is now filled with junk a book is always welcome.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 20/12/2015 10:03

Definitely got to get the baby something. I get the impression that you are a bit annoyed at the thought of having to spend double seeing as your friend has 2 kids whereas you only have 1. I have the same situation with my DP but I just suck it up even though it costs me double to buy for his two, I wouldn't dream of leaving one out.

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