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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give a present to one child and not the other

94 replies

TopHat33 · 08/12/2015 18:38

Im going to visit an old friend before Christmas - we've known each other a long time, exchange birthday and Christmas presents and meet up about once a year (live opposite ends of the country).

I have no children and she has two - a three year old DD and 11 month old DS. I have a little gift I'd love to give to her DD but don't really see anything the DS would want or need. AIBU to just give the present to her DD who will be excited by it?? It's just a small thing but I'm worried that 'I'm visiting before Christmas and here's a wrapped gift for you and one for DD' will make her think I'm ignoring her baby (I sent a card and gift when he was born). I obvs don't buy for her DH either. I'm not trying to be - and really don't want to look - mean...Im sure when DS is older I'll spot something he'd like to and I love giving gifts to small children - but don't really see the point for babies and don't want and can't afford to spend money just for the sake of it.

OP posts:
sofiahelin · 08/12/2015 19:34

Chocolate for an 11 mo errrr Confused
Loads of small toys you could get him, a mini truck on wheels or something?

InTheBox · 08/12/2015 19:37

abbieanders

WHAT ABOUT THE GUINEA PIG?

Grin Grin

Original poster
TopHat33 · 08/12/2015 19:37

abbie Grin they do have a dog. Ok, so let me get this straight. Dogs can't have chocolate. LOs can. Please don't let me mislabel the 12 parcels I'm now taking up on the train.

Caveat: mumsnet - don't worry, I'm joking, I do see that you're totally right about the 11 month old and he will be getting a gift.

OP posts:
crispytruffle · 08/12/2015 19:54

Hmm no! I would never do this. I would probably just buy a little book or a teddy. There are lots of little book sets which include a teddy in places like Sainsbury's for £5.

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 08/12/2015 19:59

Get him a detection box TopHat. It's always nice to be remembered even as a grownup.

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 08/12/2015 20:00

I meant the DH, to clarify. And I also meant a selection box Hmm. Though a detection box sounds cool.

reni2 · 08/12/2015 20:04

Rubber duck from the pound shop.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/12/2015 20:12

You can't give one without the other

Quiero · 08/12/2015 20:14

I reckon you'll get another 500 posts saying the same thing.

RTFT people.

coconutpie · 08/12/2015 20:14

Can't believe the amount of suggestions to get an 11 mo chocolate, be it chocolate coins or buttons. What the heck? That's crazy. An 11 mo should not be getting chocolate, in my opinion.

Get the child a board book - that'll be a hit. There are some fab books for babies. Touchy feely books are great for that age group.

squidzin · 08/12/2015 20:15

What about a pound for the rubber duck though?!! FFS.

ThatsNotMyHouseItIsTooClean · 08/12/2015 20:20

I'm going to go against the grain here. I have a 2.5yr age gap between mine and DC1 regularly got little presents in the first year of DC2's life (if not the first 18mths) and I never thought the giver of the gift was odd or mean, just that they had chosen something DC1 would like whereas DC2 was quite happy with the packaging given he was just a baby.

Original poster
TopHat33 · 08/12/2015 20:29

into a tailspin frantically googling detection box because now you've put that in my mind it sounds like thr best gift ever Cesare

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 08/12/2015 20:36

I think convention states you will have to buy a present for the baby.

Riderontheswarm · 08/12/2015 20:42

I think it is fine to give a child a small present if you see something they would particularly like and not get something for their sibling. I don't get all my children a present just because I've bought a book or something for one of them. I would just end up with a house full of junk that nobody really wants. As long as the same child is not always the one getting the presents I don't see a problem. None of my DC would have cared at 11 months. You should maybe get something small for the baby in case his mother likes taking offense instead of saying thanks.

WhitePhantom · 08/12/2015 20:54

Another one here who can't believe the number of people saying get chocolate for an 11m old!

NinaSimoneful · 08/12/2015 21:07

Get him a Read The Full Thread.

Not enough of those around these days.

SoupDragon · 08/12/2015 22:10

Plenty of dull people who keep telling others to RTFT though and who don't know what it really stands for

sleeponeday · 08/12/2015 22:19

I never think it odd or mean for people to give the kid who is aware a present, and not my youngest. But I want the eldest to understand that she gets things (attention, presents, whatever) too, and for that reason, I would want you to include her - in a very, very token way. So good decision IMO, OP. Smile

hampsterdam · 08/12/2015 23:40

Pound shops sell board books that would be good for that age, wilko have little plastic or wooden cars/trains a quid or 2 each. All my friends kids are getting books this year.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 09/12/2015 06:12

I always thought the F in RTFT stood for Fucking Blush

As the mother, I wouldn't mind if you only brought a gift for the older one, OP, though I agree with ^^ re the symbolic value of the baby being included. We've just celebrated St Nicholas with our 10yo, 8yo and 2 month old. The older ones insisted on putting out a shoe (a bootee) for the baby even though she's obviously oblivious and certainly can't have choc - St N left her a little knitted cuddly comforter :)

Anotherusername1 · 09/12/2015 08:41

Board books are great - or the ones that hang on a buggy. I like the "that's not my" series and there are some great Christmas ones.

Bluecheese22 · 09/12/2015 08:47

Haha that's what I thought the F stood for too!! A bit of choc at 11 months I'd hardly the end of the world!

BertrandRussell · 09/12/2015 08:50

Mumsnet has officially been taken over by aliens. Lots of people suggesting buying chocolate for an 11 month old!

LineyReborn · 09/12/2015 08:54

OP, good call.