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AIBU?

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Original poster

more of WWYD - 6 YOs left home alone during school run

103 replies

verdicchio · 07/12/2015 20:08

Family I know have 4 kids - 10, 8 and 6 (twins).

Two older kids go to one school and twins go to another. Family live between two schools.

Mum works FT and dad is sahp. Recently I've noticed he doesn't have the twins with him when I see him taking the older two to school and this morning I heard him say to them 'hurry up, I've got to get back to the girls'. And then watched him drop off the older kids and go home, presumably to collect the twins.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. He's not gone long - probably less than 10 minutes - but it doesn't seem like a very good idea to leave them regularly like this. Am I being a really interfering busybody? What would you do ?

OP posts:
Enjolrass · 08/12/2015 07:05

Please highlight your concerns, I always wonder if the adults dining with Kate and Gerry felt uneasy with Madeline being left safe and sleeping the night she went missing? But had decided not to interfere !

Didn't they have kids with them too?

They wouldn't have left their own if they were uncomfortable Confused

SouthWestmom · 08/12/2015 07:18

I don't think that statistics is true.
On my safeguarding training w E were told that the risks rise incredibly once through the door and at home alone.
So a six year old walking home alone is safer than a six year old left home alone.

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 08/12/2015 07:43

12 is a ridiculously high age - most year seven 11 year olds are getting themselves to and from school alone (presumably) often by public transport, and potentially have plenty of possible emergency scenarios to cope with doing that.

As somebody else said, its a sad and paranoid world in which parents are expected to make decisions not on the basis of their own knowledge of their children and thoughtful conclusion on how best to deal with any given scenario, but on the basis of fear of being "reported" (to who?) and of some whether some individual who knows their child and circumstances far less well than they, and who is just as human and fallible and liable to make decisions based on irrational emotional grounds or on what other people might say, will decide they have been naughty done something wrong.

If kids can't cope home alone for 10 minutes until they are 12 it is because their parents have failed them by not helping them develop the coping skills, and no wonder so many children are growing up thinking everyone else should do everything for them and that they should not have to take responsibility for themselves.

Brioche201 · 08/12/2015 08:01

Yanbu but I can categorically say that as will not be in interested. I reported a child being left alone whilst baby sibling being driven to nursery school - about 20 mins each day. I told school who passed it on to their cp contact who said that itcwaa not am concern to them.

knaffedoff · 08/12/2015 08:10

Enjolrass - I am not sure if all the adults present were parents? have I been persuaded to do something with my kids that I have regretted with hindsight? You bet!

Iliked - i was merely quoting from the nspcc guidelines. 12 does seem old, but these children are half that age and presumably being left

Enjolrass · 08/12/2015 08:17

I don't know if all were. But they www all taking it in turns checking the all the children. So there were several others.

I know you quoted guidelines. However you also mention friends of the Mcanns feeling uncomfortable. They either had kids asleep I. Their room or didn't have kids. So doubt anyone felt uncomfortable with it.

Enjolrass · 08/12/2015 08:18

And yes 12 is a ridiculous age.

Dd is 11 never needed to be left at home. But can get herself to and from school.

Enjolrass · 08/12/2015 08:19

Sorry I misread your post.

Did realise the bit about guidelines was to someone else

scarlets · 08/12/2015 08:24

Doesn't seem like terribly sensible planning to me. 10 and 8 year olds can walk to school together minus an adult, but two 6y shouldn't be at home alone. It's back-to-front.

That said, maybe someone is watching them. Perhaps the mum leaves for work later than you think.

SoupDragon · 08/12/2015 08:28

I always wonder if the adults dining with Kate and Gerry felt uneasy with Madeline being left safe and sleeping the night she went missing?

Bingo!

zzzzz · 08/12/2015 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nowirehangers · 08/12/2015 08:39

I think you're being an interfering busybody

But if you are so concerned, why don't you discuss it with the dad rather than grass him up behind his back.

Original poster
verdicchio · 08/12/2015 09:04

Just to be absolutely clear as some people seem to have trouble reading - I have no intention of 'grassing' him up. I was just checking if other people would be uneasy with it and mention it to the dad. Which I'll do if I see him to talk to - this morning he was running from the junior school to his house when I passed him.

There's no reason why the older two can't walk to school - it's very easy, they're very sensible and other children in KS2 get themselves much further distances. The twins are less sensible and quite mischievous but I appreciate it's a very short amount of time. The mum is definitely not there but there may be a neighbour who whizzes in and whizzes out in a stealthy fashion.

Is there not a Godwin's law about mentioning the McCanns on any threads about child welfare? There should be

OP posts:
zzzzz · 08/12/2015 09:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
verdicchio · 08/12/2015 09:19

There really isn't zzzzz, other than he thinks the eldest is a genius and he finds the twins a bit difficult.

And I think the twins are more at risk of doing something dodgy while they're (probably) home alone than the older two are of crossing one road alone.

Heaven knows what he'll do when the older one goes to secondary school next year as that's quite a walk

OP posts:
zzzzz · 08/12/2015 10:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nanny0gg · 08/12/2015 10:55

My dd went to school on a city bus alone when she was 5 and I'm sure I occasionally left her alone at home for more than ten minutes. She was a particularly sensible child, but really what is likely to happen to a couple of six-year-old left alone for a few minutes? What are people so scared about?

I was a child of the 50s and I wasn't left home alone at 5.

And knowing my DC and DGC a lot can happen in 10 minutes unless your house is one hundred percent childproof.

Top of my head: playing with the cooker, messing about in the bathroom, running up and downstairs playing Chase and slipping, running amok in the house and hitting their heads, answering the door to someone they don't know...

There's more I'm sure.

Probably would never happen and you'd get away with it. Until the day you don't.

Original poster
verdicchio · 08/12/2015 12:02

I'm not a neighbour, I know the family very well (would consider the mum a friend but not the dad). I know there's no medical or neurological conditions that mean the elder two children can't walk to school. Which is why I think it's a bit odd. To me, the logical thing would be to let the older two walk to school alone (or ask someone to supervise them - there are lots of people he knows who walk their own children the same way) and then just take the twins, rather than walking the two older ones and leaving the younger two at home.

OP posts:
Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 08/12/2015 12:40

OP is the issue really that you don't like the dad, or think he favours the older children/ oldest child over the twins? That's what it sounds like from your last two posts...

TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 12:45

What is it to do with you again OP?

Get a hobby that doesn't involve sticking your nose in

We3KingyOfOblomovAre · 08/12/2015 13:04

Starting to think OP is just a complete busybody. I find it frightening, how much you know about this family.

zzzzz · 08/12/2015 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
verdicchio · 08/12/2015 14:50

I think it's because the mum's my friend and you're right, I don't like the dad. But I wasn't sure if that was colouring my perspective. Judging by the number of people who also think it's a bit concerning, then I don't think it is. I've only mentioned it because everyone's asked me so many questions but then that's AIBU for you :o

Why is it 'frightening' how much I know about the family? What a bizarre perspective. The mum's been my friend for 5 years since they moved here and I've known the twins since they were babies. Our elder kids are in the same classes. I'm sure you know quite a lot about your friends and their families too oblomov.

Anyway, I don't think any of this background is remotely relevant - the only question is whether it's okay to leave a couple of year 1 home alone for 10 mins. I wouldn't if it were my kids but this thread obviously demonstrates that opinion is pretty divided.

Thanks for all your thoughts :)

OP posts:
Brioche201 · 08/12/2015 17:42

Ten minutes is less time than a shower or hanging the washing out.Thinking of the 6 year olds I know and my own at that age, I would be fine living them watching TV for a few minutes alone.

Notimefortossers · 08/12/2015 20:23

Difference is Brioche that if you are in the shower or hanging the washing out and something happens then the DC are able to shout you/come get you. They can't do that if you're out of the house.

This thread is making me laugh now, mainly because I'm also on another thread about whether it's ok to leave a 6 year old in the bath . . . people are going nuts on that one calling all the people that do irresponsible parents, so if I took MN perspective as gospel tonight I'd believe it was ok to leave 6 year olds alone in the house, but not ok to leave them alone in the bath! Lol!

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