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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ExMIL criticising my income

64 replies

frillybiscuits · 07/12/2015 19:57

I'm 30 weeks pg and my exMIL has messaged me criticising the fact that I'm going to receive £50 income support a week which will be backdated from when I left work so will be around £500. I'll get the sure start maternity grant soon (£500) for my remaining baby things. I'll also get a fair amount of money from family members for baby (not requested but have been told I'll be given it). So I'll have a lump sum of £2000 come after Christmas. I mentioned it to exOH, we're on good enough terms. I imagine it he told her about it.

She said I should be providing for my own child instead of using the government and family members, and that I should be ashamed of myself. I left full time work at 22 weeks pg due to illness, it being a zero hour contract and health and safety. I can't get maternity leave pay due to that. I'll be going back to work full time when baby is a year old since I'll be a single mother. This woman hasn't bought anything for what is going to be her first grandchild and generally just doesn't care about me or my unborn daughter. Her good for nothing son hasn't bought a damn thing either so I don't know how she expects me to get everything for my child. AIBU to think she doesn't have the right to criticise me?

OP posts:

mrsmugoo · 07/12/2015 19:59

It's absolutely none of her business. You should have just kept it to yourself anyway - why do you discuss your finances with your ex's mum anyway?

Baconyum · 07/12/2015 20:03

I'm assuming ex oh and baby's father the same person? If so then him not contributing is not good enough at all! Have you sorted maintenance for when baby born? Agree its none of her business beyond the fact she's raised an irresponsible twat for a son!

Original poster

frillybiscuits · 07/12/2015 20:03

I mentioned it to exOH whilst talking about what I've got left to buy our daughter. I blocked her number after receiving the message. It's made me feel quite shitty because obviously I want to provide for my daughter the best I can but exOH has kind of left me in the lurch. She probably wanted to make me feel like crap because that's what kind of person she is

OP posts:

SanityClause · 07/12/2015 20:03

None of her business.

Can you block her from whatever method she used to message you?

ImperialBlether · 07/12/2015 20:03

Make that the last time you tell your ex anything personal.

Block this woman so she can't get in touch with you again. She sounds dreadful.

SanityClause · 07/12/2015 20:03

Oh, X post.

SaucyJack · 07/12/2015 20:04

Look, some people are poisonous arseholes who like to piss all over other people for the sheer joy.

Your ex-MIL is one of them. Stop expecting her to act like a decent person who's interested in her new grandchild and get on with your life.

Block her number/Facefuck account as well.

Original poster

frillybiscuits · 07/12/2015 20:06

I'll have to go down the CSA route once baby is born because I doubt he will contribute willingly. Things were going really well but his mother got jealous when we got engaged and turned him against me by convincing him that our daughter isn't his and that I've cheated on him. He's demanding a paternity test when she's born which he expects me to pay for. I just wish I didn't draw the short straw when it comes to PIL's

OP posts:

ToadsforJustice · 07/12/2015 20:06

Stop discussing your finances with your ex. Don't tell him anything about you or your baby, as it will go straight back to his DM.

Original poster

frillybiscuits · 07/12/2015 20:08

We tried very hard to conceive and I had a fair few miscarriages. She claimed the baby can't possibly be his because we suddenly conceived a seemingly healthy baby

OP posts:

Finola1step · 07/12/2015 20:09

Look at it this way, you are learning very quickly that you can not trust your ex to keep your business to himself.

He should be ashamed that he is not yet providing for his unborn child. She should be ashamed that she raised a son who would do that. I know I would be ashamed of my ds if he shirked his responsibilities.

shutupandshop · 07/12/2015 20:09

Tell him to fuck off. I
He can pay for test

FellOffMyUnicorn · 07/12/2015 20:09

tell her to fuck off to the far side etc!

Ok - sensible head on, do you know how much exOH will be providing for you and his child?

If not, you could mention that you wouldnt have to rely on the government if you had support from her son for his child

Finola1step · 07/12/2015 20:10

X post.

The woman is poison. Keep her away from your baby.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 07/12/2015 20:11

You will not have to pay for a DNA test. Go via the CMS let him deny paternity then when he's found to be the dad they will make him pay for it

FellOffMyUnicorn · 07/12/2015 20:11

(byw, read the threads re names for the child before you decide on a surname.... )

QueenChippyOik · 07/12/2015 20:12

I'd reply "interesting that you're focusing on the support that I'm getting from the government rather than the support I'm not getting from your son".

You could add that the purpose of income support is to avoid children growing up in poverty.

ImperialBlether · 07/12/2015 20:17

Tell him you'll pay for the test if it proves he's not the father.

LetGoOrBeDragged · 07/12/2015 20:19

Unblock her long enough to send a text telling her to mind her own fucking business. Then block her again.

Him denying paternity could be a blessing in disguise - the perfect opportunity to get shot of the pair of them!

I would want him to drop out, then this poisonous bitch will be nowhere near your child.

QueenChippyOik · 07/12/2015 20:24

I'd also tell her that you are stepping up to take on far more than 50% of the financial responsibility which is more than anybody should really have to take on.

QueenChippyOik · 07/12/2015 20:25

ps, don't willingly pay for a dna test as this will be taken as 'proof' that there was doubt in your mind about who the father is. You're not in doubt. The doubt is theirs, so let them organise it.

BenguinsMummy · 07/12/2015 20:26

She sounds like a total cow bag..... You won't need to pay for the DNA Hun, the CMS will offer him a discount for one provided he pays up front, and when it proves that your daughter is his, then he will be obliged to pay the arrears from the day you had her, he can't avoid providing for her, and there's sweet FA the poisonous witch can do or say about that.....

Good luck Hun

MascaraAndConverse89 · 07/12/2015 20:28

What on earth has it got to do with her
I hate benefit bashers. Judgemental swines.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 07/12/2015 20:29

I think it's time my new favourite phrase got an airing:

"Fuck off and mind your own business"

ShebaShimmyShake · 07/12/2015 20:30

Tell her to piss up a rope.

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