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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I do not have to justify having a cleaner...

105 replies

FeelingBlobby · 07/12/2015 18:30

Fed up with comments from in laws mainly about this, vary from me being lazy, to wasting money, to we've obviously got to much money, to not being a good wife/mother. Thing that most gets me is it is always aimed at me, not Dh, as if cleaning/housework etc entirely my responsibility!
Back story Dh and I are not massively well off but we are comfortable and live within our means, so all good. We both work hard and really value our family time. We were finding between both working almost full time and having a small farm we spent too many 'free' hours cleaning, not to have sparkly house but just to keep on top of things. We looked at budget and decided to hire a cleaner for 4 hours a week. She's wonderful and it means we've effectively brought more family time at weekends etc.
Whether or not people agree with us or not, or would choose to do things differently, really isn't my problem. However Aibu to think it is none of their damn business how we spend our money!!!

OP posts:
Puffpastry1 · 07/12/2015 23:23

I'd clean before the cleaner came so it probably wouldn't help me Grin

MrsRyanGosling15 · 07/12/2015 23:31

The week after I had my 3rd baby, I hired a cleaner. I am literally in love with the woman. I will never be without one now. I've had a few comments about it and money. Not that I feel I need to justify myself but my honest answer is, we both used to smoke and a cleaner is alot cheaper than a smoking habit. Tell them to run on and enjoy your free house.

Jermajesty · 07/12/2015 23:34

I live on my own and have a cleaner. One of the best things I ever did was get her!

Keeptrudging · 07/12/2015 23:46

Tell them you'd rather spend your time on other things. Don't feel bad about it. Neither myself nor my DH are great at housework. Our cleaner blitzes the place and it looks truly lovely after she's been. She gets paid well above the going rate because we trust her to do a good job and it's not a different person every week, plus we moved out to the sticks and she still travels to us. It's not slave labour, it's her job that she chooses to do.

OnlyLovers · 08/12/2015 09:45

I don't have children but DH and I have a cleaner.

I had one even without kids!

What does having children have to do with it? I don't have children, and I employ a cleaner, and it has never crossed my mind that it might be more 'allowable' to have the latter if you have the former.

FannyTheChampionOfTheWorld · 08/12/2015 11:21

I don't have a cleaner. But in the current climate of arbitrary benefits sanctions, high unemployment and millions who have jobs but want more hours, something that provides paid employment in a safe environment at higher than NMW should not be at the top of anyone's list of things to slag off.

toffeeboffin · 08/12/2015 17:00

'I don't have a cleaner. But in the current climate of arbitrary benefits sanctions, high unemployment and millions who have jobs but want more hours, something that provides paid employment in a safe environment at higher than NMW should not be at the top of anyone's list of things to slag off.'

I couldn't agree more, Fanny.

ShadyMyLady · 08/12/2015 17:24

I'm 30 years old and had a cleaner come today for the very first time. Fuck me it was amazing. I spent the 2 hours playing with my DS instead of putting him in front of the TV whilst I blitz the house.

She only does upstairs as I find it quite easy to maintain downstairs. Oh and I'm a SAHM and haven't told a single person, for the same reason as you!

Best £25 I ever spent, and it will now become a weekly thing so one less thing to worry about.

OnlyLovers · 08/12/2015 17:26

Fuck me it was amazing Grin

Welcome to my world, Shady! I've employed a cleaner for years and still think that every week when I come home and she's been.

baublesbells · 08/12/2015 17:28

Who gives a shit what people think? I would brag if I was you. Really annoys them [brag]

ShadyMyLady · 08/12/2015 17:33

Grin The only thing I struggled with was she didn't speak much English, but I managed to sign to her which she seemed to understand!

I'm going to end up a lazy slattern and get people in for everything at this rate, I don't know why I didn't do it sooner Xmas Grin

ShadyMyLady · 08/12/2015 17:35

What's the etiquette though? Are you supposed to go out? At one point she came down and I jumped off the sofa and made myself look busy.

I also don't know if I would trust someone to be in my house with a key, maybe that will come with time? It just felt a bit awkward sitting downstairs whilst someone was cleaning up my dirt.

frustratedashell · 08/12/2015 17:39

I am a cleaner. I know I make a difference and help people have an easier life. They should not have to justify how they spend their hard earned cash. It's no one's else's business!

OnlyLovers · 08/12/2015 17:41

If I'm at home I'm usually working in my tiny home office, so am largely out of her way. But when she comes in to hoover the office I go and make tea or something. We both have a laugh about me 'being in her way' (she's been coming for years and we get on very well despite there still being a bit of a language barrier).

If you're going to be looking after your DS while she's there, you will BE busy so you shouldn't worry about LOOKING busy! But I know what you mean; on the rare occasion my cleaner comes and I'm not working I do feel a bit twitchy and tend to suddenly have to go to the shop or something. Ridiculous really and very British. Grin

The key thing – yes, I didn't used to give cleaners a key (although would leave their key under a flower pot in the garden, which is not very secure really!). But I gave my current cleaner a key after she had been coming for a while and following an action on her part that made me feel she was absolutely to be trusted. I think it will probably come organically if it's going to.

Olivepip59 · 08/12/2015 17:43

My DC have left home and I have a cleaner and a gardener.

I also no longer work.

It's absolutely nothing to do with anyone else and I'd be astonished at anyone's vulgarity in commenting on your domestic arrangements.

I'd give them the full Penelope Keith if they do. Always works for me Grin

ShadyMyLady · 08/12/2015 17:54

Thanks, maybe I could take DS to the park whilst she is here to keep out her way and not make her feel like I watching her every move Grin.

She seemed like a lovely girl though. I tried to explain to her that my hoover was shit and barely picks anything up. I'm not sure she understood but probably did once she started using it!

user838383 · 09/12/2015 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal · 09/12/2015 20:26

I actually do really like cleaning (when it suits me), but we don't have children yet, and our apartment is ROUGHLY the size of a shoe box, so I can pretty much deep clean the entire house in under a day. Not that I do that - mostly it's "maintenance" cleans, and that takes an hour, tops.

Even then, my brain is not so under powered that I can't understand that other people might hate cleaning, and that - ESPECIALLY in a household where both the couple work - a cleaner is probably a really good idea.

Also, your DH really needs to step in here. These are HIS parents, and frankly, they are openly insulting you by insinuating that this is somehow YOUR responsibility.

I liked someone else's suggestion of (HIM) saying "Yea, but you know....we both work full time, and at the weekends I'd rather be fucking on the carpet than hoovering it.."

It should be especially effective if they are total prudes.

stealthbanana · 09/12/2015 20:35

Gosh - I had a cleaner when I lived in a share house at uni. She'd come for 2hrs a week and do kitchen bathrooms and hoovering. For £4 a week (there were 4 of us) we saved arguments about who was doing the big chores. It was brilliant and I've had a cleaner ever since.

Tell your mil to sod off. Cleaners are fantastic and everyone should have one!

Teenagecrisisagain · 09/12/2015 21:14

We had an incident of "wow who do you think you are ?!" The other week when somebody came round and the cleaner,gardener,window cleaner were all here

I don't understand why people judge things like this

Keeptrudging · 09/12/2015 22:27

We've had the same cleaner for years. Normally we're out, but I'm on a break from work just now, going back next month. If I'm in, we just have a blether if she's working where I am, I generally go to a different room and let her get on with it. When both of us are working full-time, she (and the gardener) make a massive difference to our work/life balance. Weekends can be spent with the children, not cleaning/mowing. We'd be mowing every single weekend, the gardener does it in 2 hours, plus we'd need a ride - on mower (£3-4000), so it's cheaper paying him.

xyzee · 09/12/2015 22:53

I've had this reaction from friends also. I'm house proud and like things tip top clean, but don't have the time to keep it that way myself (work, kids, etc) and can afford it. I don't actually mind cleaning, and still do a bit each week anyway, and am always tidying. What got me was the person with the biggest mocking reaction barely keeps her house clean and very rarely changes her sheets!

I have never told my mum and dad though - they would judge and I can't be arsed to have the conversation. You don't have to justify it to anyone, money well spent.

PiperChapstick · 10/12/2015 00:26

I made the mistake of telling MIL that when we move (have bought a much bigger house lots more to clean) that we're getting a cleaner. She sneered at me and said that she never had a cleaner when her kids were little and always had a sparkling clean house. the fact that she didn't work until her youngest was 8 is apparently irrelevant (DH does 6 days a week I do 4).

And she also says her own mum raised 8 children and had an immaculate house. Again she fails to mention that all 8 kids were effectively cleaners as they all had daily chores from the age of 5.

What is it about our parents that they want us to martyr ourselves and suffer when we don't need to?

toffeeboffin · 10/12/2015 00:35

I can totally get it that the PP who is a cleaner prefers people get out of the house. If it was me I'd prefer it too, music on and get to it! Like a work out Grin

toffeeboffin · 10/12/2015 00:38

Piperchapstick, I sometimes get the feeling that everything was cleaner/tidier back in the day. Women were domestic goddesses and the houses were mint.

I mean what were these woman, super human? And everyday meals cooked from scratch, they mended stuff, knitted etc etc.

I guess people had less space/stuff to clean. Or maybe it's just rose tinted specs!