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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I do not have to justify having a cleaner...

105 replies

FeelingBlobby · 07/12/2015 18:30

Fed up with comments from in laws mainly about this, vary from me being lazy, to wasting money, to we've obviously got to much money, to not being a good wife/mother. Thing that most gets me is it is always aimed at me, not Dh, as if cleaning/housework etc entirely my responsibility!
Back story Dh and I are not massively well off but we are comfortable and live within our means, so all good. We both work hard and really value our family time. We were finding between both working almost full time and having a small farm we spent too many 'free' hours cleaning, not to have sparkly house but just to keep on top of things. We looked at budget and decided to hire a cleaner for 4 hours a week. She's wonderful and it means we've effectively brought more family time at weekends etc.
Whether or not people agree with us or not, or would choose to do things differently, really isn't my problem. However Aibu to think it is none of their damn business how we spend our money!!!

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 07/12/2015 20:13

Your DH needs to confront them about this in such a way that they never bring it up again.

It's none of their business.

GetSchwifty · 07/12/2015 20:14

Life's to short to feel guilty about having a cleaner. Your family should mind their own business!

BeyondThirty · 07/12/2015 20:16

If they ask you why you have a cleaner, you need to respond as if they have just suggested they want to take on all of the cleaning themselves Grin

Headofthehive55 · 07/12/2015 20:18

if anyone came into our house and informed us we were lazy for having help or wasting money, they wouldn't be invited again.

Cleaning is not in the job description of wife.

loveulotslikejellytots · 07/12/2015 20:27

Toffeeboffin - unfortunately the family members that see it as my grandparents spending their inheritance (another thread entirely).

Bailey101 · 07/12/2015 20:32

Next time they bring it up, you should run your finger along their mantelpiece and ask if they want her number Grin

beardsrock · 07/12/2015 20:33

Lord above JellyTots - your poor grandma! It's only 20 pound a week too!

Lynnm63 · 07/12/2015 20:37

If MiL is a little prudish you could tell her you're following Jerry Halls mantra to keep a man you must be a maid in the living room, cook in the kitchen and whore in the bedroom but because you're outsourcing the first two you're great at the third with a huge smirk on your face. Hopefully it'd shut her up and might get your DH paying for extra hours for the cleaner. Wink

eatingworms · 07/12/2015 20:43

YANBU, I love having a cleaner.
I wasn't keen at first but my DH talked me round, and I work part time! I felt it would make me appear lazy, but DH's argument was that the whole point of me going part time was to have more time to spend with the kids, not to be spending that time cleaning whilst trying to distract them at the same time.
I still have plenty to do - washing, shopping, cooking etc. But I also have time to play with the kid which was the whole point. Plus our weekends as mostly chore free. Worth every penny, and we are not wealthy, we watch our pennies.

ruthsmumkath · 07/12/2015 20:52

Yep - completely your own business what you spend your money on.

I'm a SAHM and have a cleaner Grin

DirtyDancing · 07/12/2015 20:59

My list of necessities (in order) are:

Oxygen
Water
Cleaner
Food
Clothing

monkeywrench · 07/12/2015 21:01

I am a cleaner

I would say answer these 4 questions

  1. Do you want/need a cleaner?
  1. Can you afford a cleaner?
  1. Do you like cleaning?
  1. Do you run a Drug Factory or any other illegal business from your property?

if the answers are yes, yes, no, no, then GET A CLEANER

BTW, if you answer yes to Q.4, you can still have cleaner, you will just have to pay extra.

Fuck, I would have a cleaner, if I could afford one, coz I HATE cleaning, but I can't afford one as I am a cleaner.......Confused

JassyRadlett · 07/12/2015 21:02

And then bloody sanctimonious SIL saying 'Oh, I like cleaning'. Yeah, sure you do. Give me a fucking break.

Surely the only appropriate response to that is 'brilliant, I'll sack the cleaner and save the money. Can you come at her usual time?'

I love my cleaner. She gets done in 3 hours what would take us 5-6 (not counting bickering time) and does it far better. She is good at something, I'm happy to pay her to do it.

She also babysits in her spare time. Her husband is a house decorator (something I also outsource despite being quite good at it - I'm quite slow, and I value my family time more). They're both brilliant.

Crazybaglady · 07/12/2015 21:15

I have a cleaner.

I dont mind cleaning, i just dont have the time and my partner doesnt appear to notice if the house is clean or dirty.

I am self emoloyed, WFH for 15-20 hours a week around a 7 month old, as well as have another DC to look after. She has made such a difference to my life and relationship due to extra time/ less resentment.

My MIL probably thinks im a lazy cow but she can fuck off

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 07/12/2015 21:22

It's so irritating to get this reaction, I always think it's a throwback to the time when women were judged by how shiney they kept their front step! It's ridiculous and not worth debating at all. When asked how I justify having a cleaner I usually reply that I don't have to justify it, it's not a moral issue (muttering fuck off dickhead as I walk away).

flixybelle · 07/12/2015 21:37

I know exactly how you feel. I have recently gone full time after 10 years part time/maternity/uni etc I decided that if I was working full time in a demanding job, then we would get a cleaner.
Some of my family and DH family have all been a bit snooty about it saying that we were being lazy and it was unnecessary. I said it means I can spend my weekends with my girls and that is that.
Tell your in laws that unless they want to do your cleaning to mind their own business.

Christina22xx · 07/12/2015 21:50

You dont need to justify yourself to anyone and its your money

GreyBird84 · 07/12/2015 22:00

I'm part time & DH does 3 days on & 4 days off. We had a cleaner in the last stages of my pregnancy & for first few months (c-section). Was amazing.

We are muddling along now but if we have DC2 I am getting a cleaner until DC are all school age.

I would happily cook instead of weekly takeaway treat to pay for it.

BorderTerrierControl · 07/12/2015 22:02

No fucker is on their death bed wishing they'd spent more quality time with the hoover.

TheSeptemberIssue · 07/12/2015 22:32

I don't have children but DH and I have a cleaner. Every other Friday for two hours, does all the jobs neither of us want to do (bathroom, loo, shower, oven, hoovering, dusting). Don't get me wrong, we still have to tidy, but she does all the labour intensive bickery jobs. £10 an hour, £40 a month. Worth every penny.

"Why do you have a cleaner?"
"Because I want one"

End of conversation

BasinHaircut · 07/12/2015 22:57

I do actually like cleaning. Honestly.

But I fucking hate cleaning with a 2yo in the house and that is why, when this house is finally in a state where it's actually worth doing the bare minimum cleaning (mid-renovation) I will be getting a cleaner until DS is at school and I have time to do it in peace.

BasinHaircut · 07/12/2015 22:58

*doing more than the bare minimum

SettlinginNicely · 07/12/2015 22:59

Time is the most precious commodity. Paying £10/hour to "buy" some of your free time back seems like a no brainier, if you can afford it.

What would you spend the money you now give your cleaner on? Crap from China? So much better to put money in her/his pocket and spend the time with your family.

HormonalHeap · 07/12/2015 23:15

What a bloody cheek what business is it if theirs?! I don't work (only occasional voluntary), my kids are teens and I have a cleaner 15 hrs a week. So bloody what!

HormonalHeap · 07/12/2015 23:18

In fact I'd tell them you're hiring a housekeeper