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Original poster

To NOT worry about dd2's (18months) delayed development?

36 replies

MagicMojito · 07/12/2015 13:19

She's 18months and has been walking for about a month, she can say mama, and hiya but nothing else. She can wave and blow kisses and seems to have a basic understanding of pretty much everything around her (shell give you her foot to put her shoes on, arm to put coat on, waves when leaving the room etc) dd1 was very advanced for everything so I don't put too much trust in developmental charts (as they have never correlated with my childrens actual development) and pretty much leave them to do things at their own pace.

I am starting to doubt myself though. I don't know why, but I am Confused

I've never taken them to baby groups, weigh ins (other than the first check up at about a week old, and then once more to go at 6week check) but now I'm wondering if I have should be keeping better tabs on things like this, obviously I'm not trained in child development so I could be missing potential red flags OR there is always the possibility that everything is fine and im having a parental wobble over nothing Blush

Dd2 is just so behind what dd1 was at this age. The difference is undeniable.

I think I'd just appreciate your experiences really!

OP posts:
Shakirasma · 07/12/2015 13:24

I suggest you get in touch with your HV for a chat. They may not be at all concerned at this stage but if there is any problem then early intervention can only be a good thing.

MistressDeeCee · 07/12/2015 13:30

I agree, have a chat with your Health Visitor to put your mind at rest. But please don't worry, nor let others worry you with "my child did this at that age" etc. She is still your beautiful DD whatever the case. My DD didn't walk until 18 months. She was fairly quietish, a reserved child. The amount of awful supposedly well meaning comments I got about her "delayed development" was awful. She's 20 now and at Uni, absolutely fine although still reserved in some ways - as I tell people, thats her way she doesn't have to be loud nor "standard" (whatever that is!).

As said, still your beautiul DD either way and good luck with the HV chat

Original poster
MagicMojito · 07/12/2015 13:40

Thanks for the replies Smile

I think I'll have to do as advised and book HV just to feel reassured. I really was hoping I'd have somebody come on and tell me that all sounded perfectly normal and absolutely no outside input would be necessary at all.

I hate speaking to anyone official, especially where my DC are concerned. I always manage to make an arse of myself and leave feeling mortified at my awkwardness! Oh well...

OP posts:
Snossidge · 07/12/2015 13:43

If she's walking, saying a few things (animal noises count) and has a good understanding then she doesn't sound too delayed.

If you ask her to fetch her shoes or get a book to read, would she?

Does she point to things, or bring you things to look at?

bialystockandbloom · 07/12/2015 13:46

What is it you're worried (or not!) about? Social development? Cognitive? Physical? Speech? There's nothing in your OP which would raise any flags with me on any of those - but what is it you think she may be delayed in?

BillBrysonsBeard · 07/12/2015 13:54

I'm worried now OP! My 19 month old has been walking for 7 months but can't say words, he babbles a lot. He understands things though. Should he definitely be saying words now? I just feel like what's the rush.. My FIL comments on his lack of speech but no-one else has. I just think kids bodies concentrate on different areas of development.. My friend has a baby who could speak sentences at 10 months but didn't move off her bum until 18 months, no crawling etc. I know another who walked at 9 months and didn't even babble before age 2. They're just all different! I'm sure you're doing a brilliant job Smile

elf0508 · 07/12/2015 14:01

My son is 17 months old, will be 18 months on the 15th, waves bye, says da, helps take his jacket off, walks but that's it. Hv aren't too concerned but I am concerned as fk lol

Original poster
MagicMojito · 07/12/2015 14:01

Things like she won't really say mama to me, its more a general sound iyswim? And no she would not go for a book if we asked her to get one. She will respond appropriately if we bring things to her but isn't able to listen to instructions and react if that makes any sense? Although if we say kiss and learn towards her then she will pucker up and come to us for kisses/cuddles so I suppose she does understand certain "instructions"

I think its the ovrrall comparison between dd2 and dd2 at this age that worries me. At this stage dd1 could speak in sentences and was able to understand and was just so much more aware of everything. Although dd2 is a million times more affectionate that dd1 was at this stage. I always said that I'd never compare them as all children are different, and yet here I among Hmm

OP posts:
elf0508 · 07/12/2015 14:02

If I askes him to bring me his coat or his ball, he wouldn't. So now I am worried

Original poster
MagicMojito · 07/12/2015 14:04

and yet here I am Hmm

Maybe its my own development that I should be worried about Blush

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 07/12/2015 14:05

She doesn't sound delayed to me. I get that many 18 month olds are doing more, but I dont see anything particularly worrying here.

Check in with your HV just incase though - if only to put your mind at rest. But I wouldn't be too concerned if I were you.

howabout · 07/12/2015 14:06

I would chat with HV as pp suggest. Would also consider asking for a hearing test if she is only responding to close interaction.

gymbummy · 07/12/2015 14:11

Just a thought, but have you thought about having her hearing tested? I haven't got a clue if what you've said points towards any sort of developmental delay to worry about but thought maybe hearing problems might explain why she understands and responds to gestures she can see but not vocal 'instructions'. We've got deafness in our extended family and we had to take DS for a hearing test (it turned he just doesn't listen, nothing wrong with his hearing Grin )

MistressDeeCee · 07/12/2015 14:11

OP I also have 2 DDs... and the same worries at the time as DD1 was so far ahead in terms of development than DD2 at a similar age (they're a year apart) Tbh I wasn't worried and didnt speak to anyone about it, maybe I just naturally accepted both girls as different characters. DD1 walked at 10 months. DD2 at 18 months. This post has made me think.. I can't tell you NOT to worry - only explain in my experience the difference in "timescales" didnt matter to me at all. I only started thinking about it when family and a couple of friends began making comparisons between them, along with stories about their own DCs. Pissed me off actually.

They're still very different - DD2 is quieter, and a creative. Not a reader. DD1 is very academic, and far more outgoing. But thats fine - they're both doing well in their chosen fields DD2 is different but not "lagging behind" at all; to me all children are not the same and its not a development race, I really dislike this thing of all children must do this thing at that stage - how can all be the same?!

But Im not you and don't fully know your situation, just doesnt sound to me as if there's much to worry about.. I understand thats not much help and some will think differently. Im no expert but I've been where you are now and all turned out ok

gymbummy · 07/12/2015 14:11

Sorry, Howabout, cross post

Birdsgottafly · 07/12/2015 14:12

My youngest had Delayed Development (and later diagnosed with LDs).

It depends on the provision in your area in regards to SEN, on whether it's important to get him in "the system".

My DD entered Nursey at 4, unable to cope and it was then the battle to get her into SEN, started.

Long term it didn't make any difference that she hadn't been diagnosed before she was 4.

Just have a chat with your HV, Delayed Development is a generic term and the development can just catch up of its own accord.

I was wrongly advised to treat my DD as her actual age and not her Development age, which resulted in frustration in us both, especially around toilet training.

Snossidge · 07/12/2015 14:12

It's worth taking her to the HV to put your mind at rest.

All three of mine have been late talkers. My youngest is 21 months and wasn't saying more than a couple of unclear words at 18 months but in the last month has suddenly started saying lots of single words.

As a rough guide, children of 18 months have about 20 words (though none of mine did at 18 months, they did by about 21/22 months), they understand instructions like "get your shoes" or "give it to mummy", and can point to pictures/find objects if you ask "where's the cow?" "where's your ball?" etc. They copy things like waving and clapping and might be starting to do some pretend play like pretending to feed a dolly or talk on a phone.

One of mine was later found to have glue ear which affected his hearing and therefore speech.

Original poster
MagicMojito · 07/12/2015 14:13

I don't mean to make anyone else feel concerned when you weren't before! I'm fairly sure that its my own silly nurosies turning it into an "issue" and that its all perfectly fine crosses fingers and hopes its not just that I'm a shitty mum

This thread is definitely reassuring though so thank you Flowers

OP posts:
Whoknewitcouldbeso · 07/12/2015 14:15

I have a 36 month DS with a speech delay and he is suddenly really changing every day. We have jumped through lots of hoops with SALT and SENCOs and hearing tests etc etc.

Was it all worth it, ie do I think it made any difference? Err no, not really BUT I wanted to be in a situation where I could say to anyone who asked that I had pursued every avenue and available service that was offered.

Original poster
MagicMojito · 07/12/2015 14:19

Xpost with lots of replies, thank you.

I hadn't thought of getting her hearing tested. We had the initial hearing screening at about a week old and that was clear but I understand that a lot can change in a year so I'll definitely look into that Smile

OP posts:
KandyRaine · 07/12/2015 14:28

Well.. I felt pressured into putting DS into early intervention and it did nothing but harm. Battered his confidence and made him very fearful. Maybe depends on the quality of services in your area but if I had my time back I would steer clear until there was something that DC actually needed help with. Not just to try to make them all the same, because they're not.

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 07/12/2015 14:38

I think second children can often be slower with speech OP. They're often fastest with other things but don't need to develop speech so quickly as older siblings often act as 'translators' and facilitators. So I've read, anyway. My DS is nearly 17 months and only says words that are part of sequences. So if I say 'one' he says 'two', or if I say 'twinkle twinkle little...' he says 'star', but he doesn't come out with anything independently. I'm starting to get slightly twitchy about it but just keep telling myself they're all different...

notquitehuman · 07/12/2015 14:40

I wouldn't worry too much. My DS at 18 months didn't really say much, but a few months later it all sort of clicked and then he wouldn't shut up! He was a delayed walker too, yet is caught up.

You say you didn't go to baby groups. Does your DD spend time with children around her age? A couple of mornings at nursery a week were really good for my DS as he communicated more with kids on his own level. A play group or similar might do her good.

Enjolrass · 07/12/2015 14:40

Dd was very advanced. Walked at 11 months, could read at 3 and write her name, talked ridiculously early.

Ds didn't walk til 13 months, didn't really talk til he was nearly 3. A few words, not much. Not interested in books, didn't follow instructions.

When he started at half days at school he couldn't read like dd.

I didn't really worry about it til then.

He was worlds away from dd. I started worrying and comparing him to where dd was. I spoke to his teacher who assured me that he was fine and wasn't behind the other kids.

He is in reception now. His reading is fantastic as is his writing. It's really all come together.

He is better at building things and maths, than dd was.

I have come to the conclusion that all kids are different and comparing them only causes worry.

Speak to your HV to put your mind at rest. But try not to compare them too much.

madwomanbackintheattic · 07/12/2015 14:46

How on earth would early intervention batter confidence and make a toddler fearful? Early intervention at this point is almost entirely consistent of fun activities and games to help them along. The only thing potentially problematic is if painful or boring physio is required, and there all sorts of tricks to get that over and done with as painlessly as possible.

Please don't scaremonger about early intervention, Kandy. It really is in the child's best interests if there is a problem. I'm sorry you had a bad experience, but I am struggling to understand exactly what early intervention your child had that would have provoked that sort of reaction?