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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The lodger keeps changing the fairy lights setting on my Xmas tree...

120 replies

BassAce · 06/12/2015 20:18

I've had my Xmas tree up since the last weekend in November, at the request of my two DS's (5 and 3). Also at their request the fairy lights on said tree are set to 'twinkling' mode.

I also have a temporary lodger. In so many ways he's a lovely man, and a very welcome bit of adult company in the house since my ex-H left us two Christmases ago....
HOWEVER. Every single time I leave him alone in the house (or go up to bed before him of an evening), he takes it upon himself to switch the fairy lights off twinkling to just being plain on all the time. Fair enough, maybe he hates the flashing (he's not epileptic, i did check!) and when hes alone in the house he should be able to do whatever he likes. BUT he never cycles through the twelve settings on the lights to put them back how I want them for when I return.

It's such a stupid thing, but it's really beginning to give me the rage every morning having to set the lights back to how my children want them on MY tree in MY house. Surely he could just switch them off at the plug if he doesn't want to see them twinkling?! I don't want to fall out with him, but my current level of rage over this tiny stupid thing makes me feel like I can't even speak to him about it right now. And leaving a note asking him not to touch them seems daft. AIBU?! Do I just need to grow up and get over it? I fear I'm just a little unused to sharing my house space with other people and im being a mardy Christmas grouch. So Mumsnet jury... would this annoy you too or am I a dick?! Grin

OP posts:
SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 06/12/2015 20:55

Twinkling lights give me a headache.

Whilst someone is paying to live in a room in your house, it is their house too. In short, you both need to compromise.

MrsMook · 06/12/2015 20:58

Setting twinkling lights to static is far less unreasonable than switching from static to rave Grin

Bakeoffcake · 06/12/2015 20:59

I can't cope with twinkling lights. We went out for a meal last year and I had to ask to move tables because i found them so annoying.

Switch them off for the poor man.

SauvignonBlanche · 06/12/2015 21:04

Twinkling fairy lights in November? The poor man, I'd be driven demented!

londonrach · 06/12/2015 21:06

Agree with santa its as much his home as yours if he is paying rent so you need to compromise between the two of you.

BlueMoonRising · 06/12/2015 21:08

Not a fan of twinkling lights either.

As others have said, if you don't want it changed while you aren't there, switch them off when you leave. Otherwise deal with the (much more preferable) on-all-the-time lights.

catfordbetty · 06/12/2015 21:09

Do I just need to grow up and get over it?

Yep.

Rinceoir · 06/12/2015 21:11

My mother and I have this argument every year. She loves twinkling lights, I can't stand them. When I stay with her over Christmas I switch them to static everytime she leaves the room. It's just one of those irritations that comes from sharing your home with someone.

Original poster
BassAce · 06/12/2015 21:11

Oh should clarify... I don't leave them on overnight or when I'm out. I switch them off at the plug. If I go to bed and he is still up I do leave them on and he will switch them off at the plug when he goes to bed. But he changes the setting to non-twinkling so he enjoys plain lights.

I also am not fond of twinkling lights, so I hear what everyone is saying there. But the kids love them.... so I'd just appreciate them being left alone (or switched off at plug if that offensive). I am clearly grumpy though... I'll have to man up and calm down and talk to him rationally like a grown up. Goddamn it. Grin

OP posts:
reni2 · 06/12/2015 21:13

The twinkling mode would drive me potty. Poor lodger, I'd be looking for another place if it goes on from the end of November-6th January. 40 days of blink blink blink.

Stellar67 · 06/12/2015 21:13

My DH set our lights to twinkling and it's annoying me, but not enough to get up off my arse and figure out how to switch them.
He's paying rent, he can have the lights how he wants. Would take 30 seconds to change them.

Viviennemary · 06/12/2015 21:16

I totally hate twinkling lights and couldn't relax in a room with them. He probably feels the same. Leave the lights off unless you're in the room yourself. I agree that you aren't cut out to have a lodger.

WitchWay · 06/12/2015 21:20

Hate twinkling. Tolerate slow fade in/out. Like yellow/white lights on all the time Grin

PILs don't have any lights on their tree AT ALL because of the fire risk. When they've been here at Christmas they faff about with my lights, switching them off whenever there's no-one in the lounge with the tree even if we've nipped to the loo Grin drives me nuts.

They were driven to distraction by SIL's exH from Danish stock who had lit real candles on their tree - AAARGHH!!

Spilose · 06/12/2015 21:20

Twinkling lights would drive me demented and give me a headache and so I'd be doing exactly as your lodger is, sorry OP!

velourvoyageur · 06/12/2015 21:21

yoga, OP, and deep breathing!

Could you try not to notice it if you knew that he wasn't doing it on purpose or thought he was completely reasonable? FWIW I think it's pretty reasonable.

AwfulBeryl · 06/12/2015 21:25

I don't think he is being unreasonable either. It really can't take that long to set them the way you want them in the morning.

Preciousxbane · 06/12/2015 21:27

I also dislike twinkling lights, is it only the op who likes them?

AwfulBeryl · 06/12/2015 21:29

We have a slow fade red, twinkling is a bit much.

Arfarfanarf · 06/12/2015 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lovetunnocks · 06/12/2015 21:35

If it's only your kids who really want them on twinkling then why don't you keep them on plain as the default and when the kids are in the room they can set them to disco or twinkling or whatever they want on the proviso that they set them back to plain when they go out, go to bed etc. I imagine that a three year old and a five year old would be delighted to cycle through numerous settings to find the 'right' one.

I think you would be very unreasonable to ask the poor man to return the lights to twinkling every time. It's his home too.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 06/12/2015 21:37

Surely you're missing a trick by having them on twinkling all the time. You should tell your kids twinkling lights are an extra special treat and if they tidy up / eat all their vegetables they might be allowed ten minutes of twinkle if they ask very nicely.

Littlef00t · 06/12/2015 21:39

I'd just turn them off when I go to bed, say your saving him a job.

girlguide123 · 06/12/2015 21:41

maybe he likes the fairy lights but can't hack the twinkles. If I was alone in the room you can bet your life I would switch them to static too...

sorry, but I think YABU. take a deep breath and concentrate on how welcome his rent is. is he quite a good lodger in other respects?

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 06/12/2015 21:42

Twinkling lights are a migraine waiting to happen.

Are you sure they aren't resetting to 'always on' as standard setting when switched off and on again?

LovelyFriend · 06/12/2015 21:44

Grow up and get over it op. Mountain/molehill come to mind.

There's a time for twinkling lights, there's a time for static lights.

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