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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish my parents would make more effort with my children....

14 replies

FeelingBlobby · 06/12/2015 17:41

Just that really, I love my parents dearly, I know they love our family, but they seem to never make time for us. DM complains all the time she doesn't see enough of dcs but when we go round (phone first etc) she always goes off to do jobs or something else - these things are always stuff that could wait. I don't think I've ever seen her get down on the floor and play etc. I also recognise she didn't do this with me as a child and I almost had to teach myself to play with others as always played on my own as a child. My DF is similar but does get more hands on with kids and helps with childcare, but it is sporadic and I just feel if we go round they like to put on the tv to entertain the kids and I'm left thinking 'what was the point?' My dcs are their youngest and most probably last grandchildren so maybe they've just had enough of young children? My two are 2 and 4, and 2 of 11 grandchildren.

OP posts:

KeepOnMoving1 · 06/12/2015 17:45

It's not fair but considering 11 gc they might think that they have done all that already.

GastonsChestHair · 06/12/2015 17:47

I have Pil that are exactly the same. It's very frustrating and sad, I agree.

I have 5 dc, there are 8 grandchildren but they are all close in age. 2 boys (one is mine), the rest girls. My mil is only really interested in the 'babies' under 3 and my fil prefers 1 of the boys (not mine) because he does a sport that my fil is particularly interested in.

We have very much got to the 'what is the point' stage.

pretend · 06/12/2015 17:49

YANBU to wish it was different, but you need to accept that some people just aren't that into young kids. Getting down on the floor to play with toddlers and babies is tiring and extremely boring (imho).

Maybe they'll be more involved once the kids get older. People don't suddenly morph into knitting needle wielding grannies out of Beatrix Potter just because their kids have kids.

Original poster

FeelingBlobby · 06/12/2015 17:49

I work full time , so I'm just left thinking I've wasted a bit of my weekend if we do go and visit but do want dcs to have that relationship with their gps. Just makes me sad.

OP posts:

pretend · 06/12/2015 17:52

Why does she have to get down on the floor to play to have a good relationship with a 2 and 4 year old?

I think you're overthinking it and putting too much pressure on. A good relationship will happen over a lifetime. You can't force it in four years.

RiverTam · 06/12/2015 17:57

If they weren't like this as parents then I cany think why you thought they'd be like this as GPs. They clearly like them being around. FWIW I don't remember either of my GMs playing with me but I loved being at their houses.

Have you ever left them there without you?

Original poster

FeelingBlobby · 06/12/2015 17:59

I agree getting down on the floor etc not essential, just used it as an exam, she just seems bit disinterested. they just don't really seem to 'enjoy' the children or even want to. Hopefully it'll change as they get older. I adore my parents but this bit does frustrate me at times.

OP posts:

pretend · 06/12/2015 18:00

My mum is the same. Each visit she spends 50% of the time trying pointlessly to get a photo to upload onto Facebook, and another 25% reading the newspaper.

She was like that as a mum too. Doesn't mean she's not into the grandkids, she's just better with older ones.

Brioche201 · 06/12/2015 18:02

Adults getting down ion the floor to play with children is a new thing.When we were kids we just got on with playing with other kids.When my children were all little I worked at pre-school your a few years and did my preschool diploma.We were discouraged from 'joining in' imaginative play

skankingpiglet · 06/12/2015 18:02

YANBU for wanting more, but unfortunately it's just not something you can force, or even encourage if they don't want to.
My DD has one remaining GP who has never seen her. He's paid her some lip-service saying he'd 'love to see her but...' It's weird. I'm his only child and DD is mine so it's not like he's got bored of it all already with multiple GC! TBH in our case it's for the best as DF is a nightmare understatement, but it still it hurts he's not interested.

teacher54321 · 06/12/2015 18:05

I'm dreadful at playing on the floor with children and I'm a teacher! I can't bear doing jigsaws or cars or anything like that. BUT I will happily take Ds to softplay, or swimming or out on adventures to do and see exciting things. We have adventures and go on play dates etc. Dh is amazing at train sets and Lego but would never in a million years take Ds to Softplay. If your parents hated playing when you were kids you're a bit naive to think they'd suddenly love it now! Maybe think of differentt things you could do together-national trust places? Farm park?

ClancyMoped · 06/12/2015 18:12

We would all like our parents to be story book grandparents but I think it's a bit unrealistic to expect it.

Our of my DCs gp's only one has the type of relationship that you describe but my DC love all their gp - they have their own unique relationships with them.

My DC are in their 20s and late teens and I can't imagine I'll be a super involved gp when GC come along. I've done all the kid stuff with my own DC and I've got other things to do now. I would probably babysit to help them out but I wouldn't want to unless it was necessary iyswim

If I were you OP I would try not to worry about creating a different relationship than the one on offer. Accept and enjoy it for what it is.

TelephoneIgnoringMachine · 06/12/2015 18:13

YANBU. In fact, I feel the same. My DD is 2nd of 3 GCs, my mother has rarely initiated spending time with us/her, has never taken her for a few hours, and DD clearly does not feel comfortable with her (as she barely knows her), DD tends to go mute when unhappy, especially around strangers, so it's pretty clear. This being despite the fact that we live less than 2 miles from my mother (in the same town), & she will bend over backwards to look after the other 2 GCs, and often takes them for a whole weekend or babysits so my SAHM sis & WAH BIL can have some time together. Meanwhile DH & I were told we'd have to put DD in nursery while I worked. DH is a f/t student. And she complains that she doesn't see DD very often. Sick of it.

manamanah · 06/12/2015 19:11

Yanbu. My mum is a bit like this too. She spends ages moaning that she doesn't see enough of my son but all visits involve us going to her. Either driving the 2hrs to her house or meeting her in the city where We live when she happens to be here for something else and can squeeze an hour in. To look at all the sickly grandparenting memes she posts on FB you'd think she was raising him.

Sorry-hijacked your thread a bit there. It bothered me a lot for a while; now I figure there's no point wishing things were different. She knows where we are if she really wants to see more of him. In the mean time we'll continue the visits every 4-6 weeks.

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