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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pick her son up

92 replies

Roygrace · 05/12/2015 10:54

My friend has asked me to have her DStonight. My two kids are really pleased, love his company.

She is a single parent and I love having him.

She agreed that she would meet me in a town halfway between us and I would drop off tomorrow morning.

I drive, she doesn't and would have to get two buses to get to me. Drive will be 45 mins each way for me to pick up.

She has now cancelled due to rain and having to get two busses and asked will I pick up.

Is the right thing to do support someone who doesn't drive and just do drop off and pick up or am I a mug?

I really don't know what to do, first few times I didn't mind but when she isn't prepared to make any effort it really grates on me.

OP posts:
mommy2ash · 05/12/2015 13:05

If my friend minding my dd she picks up and drops as I don't drive but we live five minutes away by car. 45 minutes is a bit too long each way

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 05/12/2015 13:17

Whereabouts are you? There is this storm around - maybe she's being sensible for once (benefit of doubt!!).

Has she not just cancelled going out altogether?

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/12/2015 13:19

"She has now cancelled due to rain and having to get two busses and asked will I pick up."
"To be fair this is common with her."
"pp is right that she knows I'll do it."

No, she is being unfair and yes, she is taking you for a mug. I would suggest that you tell her that you can't on this ocassion. Because if you don't pick up, then she has to reassess whatever plans she hadfor tonight that involved her son being with you. I think that should focus her mind on the fact that when you ask someone for a FAVOUR, then you don't dick them about.

Seriously, if you keep capitulating she will keep making no effort. Put the ball in her court and see if she can behave like an adult. It doesn't matter that you and your DC like having him over, what matters is that she doesn't treat you like a fucking servant Angry.

rollonthesummer · 05/12/2015 13:26

Whereabouts are you? There is this storm around - maybe she's being sensible for once (benefit of doubt!!).

The storm which is so bad the friend best not risk her own personal safety by leaving the house, but expects OP to drive an hour and a half in?

Footle · 05/12/2015 13:27

If your rain is anything like our rain at the moment, you had all better stay at home.

tictactoad · 05/12/2015 13:27

Am I right in thinking she has form for this? I'm not surprised it's grating. I would have said no before now but in any case she is now definitely taking the piss. 45 minutes each way is a big drive even when the weather is reasonable.

FannyTheChampionOfTheWorld · 05/12/2015 13:28

If she's a piss taker generally, no, make an excuse. If it's usually pretty even give and take between the two of you, yes. You say she'd babysit any time for you, if you use that facility a lot and want to keep doing so, pick him up. Hard to say without more information.

catfordbetty · 05/12/2015 13:31

i would do it this time, but then have a chat and make it clear it has to be more equal in future

I like this idea. Saves a falling out now and preserves the friendship (for you and your children) but stops you being taken for granted again.

AyeAmarok · 05/12/2015 13:38

If it was a one-off I'd do it, but it sounds like she has a history of this, is taking the piss a bit, and the offer of getting the bus was a bit of an empty gesture. Plus, you are doing her a favour in the first place!

I think she's cheeky.

Whocansay · 05/12/2015 13:50

She is telling you that her time is more important than yours. Tell her to do one. Cheeky bitch!

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 05/12/2015 13:56

Where I live it's basically unheard of not to drive (Calif car-culture), so perhaps I'm not best qualified to give an opinion. But that's never stopped me before.

I'd tell her that she'll need to bring son, but you'll drop off. If you do the reverse, it's quite possible she'll come up with an excuse to not pick up tomorrow and you'll end up having to take him home anyway. When I've had 'unreliable friends' (usually late to pick up afterwards) I've always said I'll do drop off so I can guarantee the child will be 'gone' before they wear out their welcome.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 05/12/2015 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PolterGoose · 05/12/2015 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dustarr73 · 05/12/2015 14:08

Tell her to get a taxi to original meeting point. You're already there ,she gets the same taxi home.Job done.
There is no way I would collect and drop off its either one or the other.

Viviennemary · 05/12/2015 14:20

The weather is very bad so I don't think she is being unreasonable cancelling if she has to wait around for two buses. But then it's up to you whether you want to do the long drive. I'd just do what suited you best in this situation.

Potatoface2 · 05/12/2015 14:24

so whats she doing tonight for you to be babysitting?.....is she off out in the rain?....is she cancelling that too!

RideEmCowgirl · 05/12/2015 14:25

OP - what are you going to do?

TendonQueen · 05/12/2015 14:31

I also wondered what she was doing tonight and if that will be rain stopped play too.

MidniteScribbler · 05/12/2015 14:32

I don't blame her for not wanting to go out in bad weather, not everybody wants to,

So then she is free to stay home and look after her own child for the evening. She still seems quite willing to go out in the weather when it comes to doing something she wants.

People who don't drive and make it everyone else's problem absolutely drive me mental.

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 05/12/2015 14:59

I took it that she'd 'cancelled' her original plans to go out and that now it was just a sleepover for the children.

ExitPursuedByABear · 05/12/2015 14:59

Hell no.

ClancyMoped · 05/12/2015 15:00

So you and your DC will spend three hours in the car this weekend at her request. I think that's really cheeky. It would bug me so I would decline.

My DC have had friends where I have ended up doing the bulk of the driving for various reasons but it was always at my convenience iykwim

How old are the kids?

WicksEnd · 05/12/2015 15:07

Nope not a chance. She's taking the piss.

Original poster
Roygrace · 05/12/2015 15:29

Kids are 9 and 10 but as said before my life is easier when they are here so worth it.

It's just the freeloading. Done it now but said that i felt like I was being take advantage of and she would need to meet Kevin the middle next time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Roygrace · 05/12/2015 15:30

Me in not Kevin

Reminds me of the faith, hope and Kevin myth

OP posts: