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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not pick her son up

92 replies

Roygrace · 05/12/2015 10:54

My friend has asked me to have her DStonight. My two kids are really pleased, love his company.

She is a single parent and I love having him.

She agreed that she would meet me in a town halfway between us and I would drop off tomorrow morning.

I drive, she doesn't and would have to get two buses to get to me. Drive will be 45 mins each way for me to pick up.

She has now cancelled due to rain and having to get two busses and asked will I pick up.

Is the right thing to do support someone who doesn't drive and just do drop off and pick up or am I a mug?

I really don't know what to do, first few times I didn't mind but when she isn't prepared to make any effort it really grates on me.

OP posts:

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 05/12/2015 11:44

It was just a suggestion Imperial she might prefer to sleep over to driving so far in crap weather, and have a Sunday morning lie in/brunch with friend. I would.

rollonthesummer · 05/12/2015 11:47

If she's a piss taker, I would actually say sorry but my car has been playing up and making horrible noises so it's booked to go into the garage next week and you don't want to drive it. Then see what she says...

Aeroflotgirl · 05/12/2015 11:47

I totally sympathise with your friend as I don't drive, it's a nightmare round here with the buses especially in the cold winter weather. A 20 min journey by car, can take over1 hour. If I were your friend, I would offer you money or to take you out as a meal, or vouchers.

diddl · 05/12/2015 11:48

I think that there comes a time when enough is enough tbh.

She made the arrangement knowing that she needed to get two buses-and you have already agree to drive 45mins.

I think that asking you to do more is a bloody cheek tbh.

Is the weather still likely to be bad when she needs to set off?

Perhaps if so, better for you all to stay safe at home?

Aeroflotgirl · 05/12/2015 11:49

I don't drive, not because I am lazy or can't be bothered, I keep failing driving tests, I am dreadful .

rollonthesummer · 05/12/2015 11:49

It sounds like she's expecting you to do it journey again tomorrow??

Aeroflotgirl · 05/12/2015 11:51

Op if you don't want to, say no, just leave it until better weather.

IguanaTail · 05/12/2015 11:52

I think that takes the piss to be honest. I would say I was unable to do that but that I do understand her reluctance to go out in the rain.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/12/2015 11:53

Or she coukd get a cab and meet you half way, I often get cabs, when I need two buses locally.

Floggingmolly · 05/12/2015 12:08

Why is it too wet to get a bus over to your house, but not too wet to go out on the lash? She's not staying in and spending the night in front of the fire; she's braving the weather anyway...

FullmoonHalfmoonTotaleclipse · 05/12/2015 12:09

aposy I read it as 45 mins for OP to do the journey to her house one way, not 45 mins to the halfway town. So either it's an equivalent

Aeroflotgirl · 05/12/2015 12:12

Flogging where does it say that she is going out in the op?

IamCarcass · 05/12/2015 12:17

Are you in the NW? There are red weather warnings out there, best to stay home

Timri · 05/12/2015 12:17

That's fucking rude tbh. Tell her they sell brollys in the 99p shop.
Personally, I'd do as others suggested and pick up in the condition she collects tomorrow.
But then Realistically what are the chances of her then saying she couldn't collect tomorrow?

Oldraver · 05/12/2015 12:18

I think she's being cheeky especially as you are dropping her DC off at home tomorrow.

If you dont want to do it or think her cheek needs a reality check then say no

Branleuse · 05/12/2015 12:32

id do it.

rollonthesummer · 05/12/2015 12:39

Has she been ever met you somewhere in between or do you always go to her house?

TurncoatEwok · 05/12/2015 12:42

We still get buses if it's raining how bizarre. Plenty of our journeys involve changing buses as well. That's just part of life when you don't drive!

I disagree with the comment that getting buses with DCs is a massive pain - again it's just part of life, assuming no buggies (some buses aren't buggy-friendly) or SN etc

Aeroflotgirl · 05/12/2015 12:49

Turncoat I don't blame her for not wanting to go out in bad weather, not everybody wants to, I would rather not make an unnecessary journey, when its crap, but in the same vein, op is entitled to say no lets leave it. Or friend can get a cab, which is what I do if its crap, round here, a cab is just as much as a bus journey, espcially when there's four of us.

Fairenuff · 05/12/2015 12:51

How would it be unreasonable to pick him up?

If you want to have him to stay, go get him. If it's too much of a faff, don't.

rollonthesummer · 05/12/2015 12:54

If you don't drive- you have to use your time and finances to fund other means, like buses or taxis. These may be inconvenient and costly, but you are not having to pay for petrol, car loans, car tax, insurance, MOTs, breakdown cover or car maintenance.

Your plan to get to places can't be 'getting someone else to taxi you around free'. It doesn't work like that! Stay at home if you are unprepared to make your own plans without freeloading.

MrsJayy · 05/12/2015 12:58

Just say aw thats a shame the weather is shit and then add maybe he can stay another night and leave it at that you are then telling her im not letting you take the piss.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 05/12/2015 12:59

If it's grating on you then don't do it.

It wouldn't bother me as it is much more of a faff to wait for buses and get on and off them in the rain than it is to hop in a car and drive.I spent a lot of years using public transport and generally it's a bit rubbish and wet and smelly in the rain . It's not equivalent to sitting in your own car.

If she regularly changes the arrangements then I'd just start from the point that if you're babysitting, you're also collecting and dropping off. Then on that basis decide if you want to babysit or not.

TurncoatEwok · 05/12/2015 13:03

Yes I do agree it's absolutely reasonable to decide not to do the bus journey if she doesn't want to - just that to then expect OP to pick up - just because you don't want to do the journey - is unfair. As you say, OP is entitled to say no :)

It's perhaps a sore point for me though, as I really hate the assumption that I hear sometimes, which is that non-drivers are always freeloading lifts etc - I'd never do that. If somebody offers I'll accept gratefully (only if they are absolutely sure they are happy to - I always check, offer petrol money etc) but I never expect or demand it, and I certainly wouldn't do what OP's friend is doing and decide I didn't want to get public transport because my friend could do the driving instead.

rookiemere · 05/12/2015 13:04

Could you meet her half way so she gets one bus?
Seems unfair that it will take you 3 hrs in total of your time to do her a favour, but I can see that driving is easier than taking the bus.

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