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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get some support on the miscarriage thread

28 replies

EllieJayJay · 05/12/2015 02:01

Ladies yes I need support as my world just ended, I am going to cremate my little baby next week

But it's not just me.

There are a lot of ladies who would really appreciate some hope

So AIBU to ask some people to just pop in give ladies like me some hope X

OP posts:
OneMillionScovilles · 05/12/2015 02:14

Ellie I'm so sorry for your loss. I have no idea what you must be going through - all I can offer is my sympathy and support. I'm sure people more knowledgeable than me will be along in the morning but I couldn't read & run. PM me if you need hand holding tonight.

Original poster
EllieJayJay · 05/12/2015 02:26

Thank you x

There are a lot of ladies who are heartbroken

And we join "babies to be" in months and then we loose our support because we don't want to upset those threads

But we don't know what to do

OP posts:
Original poster
EllieJayJay · 05/12/2015 02:27

Because we can't talk to the friends we make

OP posts:
Original poster
EllieJayJay · 05/12/2015 02:29

We just need to know we are not alone

And we need hope X

OP posts:
Wagglebees · 05/12/2015 03:02

Flowers X a million.

I'm so sorry for your loss. xx

BastardGoDarkly · 05/12/2015 03:17

Oh Ellie I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

I must say I never feel comfortable going onto those kind of topics, I've never experienced such a devastating loss, and always feel like my words may fall flat, or just say completely the wrong thing.

I hope the funeral goes well x

Original poster
EllieJayJay · 05/12/2015 03:23

I am lucky I guess that I get to say goodbye to my very tiny baby

I was 8 weeks pregnant my baby died at 6 weeks

I had ten hours of contractions before my tiny little person left me

Two weeks later I still feel pregnant

My 12 weeks was Christmas day

OP posts:
Original poster
EllieJayJay · 05/12/2015 03:25

I think go darkly just a word of a support goes a long way x

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 05/12/2015 03:26

Yes it does, I'll pop over there x

Original poster
EllieJayJay · 05/12/2015 03:27

i felt like I was responsible in some way

OP posts:
Original poster
EllieJayJay · 05/12/2015 03:28

And I think I want ladies to realise that it happens to 1 in 4 of us

It's nothing to feel ashamed about

OP posts:
Original poster
EllieJayJay · 05/12/2015 03:34

And I've been broken because this happened to me

25% of the ladies who are mums or those trying to be mums have had this happen

So let's stop blaming ourselves - talk about it or at least help ladies like me,

OP posts:
DisneyMillie · 05/12/2015 07:47

I went through it in April - worst time ever. But you're not alone and it does get easier slowly. It's amazing if you start talking to people in real life how many it will have happened to. And nearly always they go on to have lovely healthy babies (I'm 16 weeks pregnant now myself). There is hope and light again - just be kind to yourself and take time to grieve xxx

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 05/12/2015 08:00

I'm sorry this has happened to you, it happened to me three times as well, I remember the devastation I felt. I did go on to have two healthy children and time proved to be a great healer. This was pre internet forum days so I had not made friends with people at the same stages of conception/pregancy, losing that support must make it even harder. I am going to go and make sure I haven't hidden that topic (I have lots hidden) and make more effort to look out for threads like yours, you are right that many of us probably don't talk about it as much as we should.

OwlinaTree · 05/12/2015 08:08

Sorry for your loss. Which thread are you on? The rainbow babies thread has dried up it seems.

lilydaisyrose · 05/12/2015 13:51

Hi Ellie,

We're you on the July 2016 thread? I think I remember you. I miscarried 3w ago at 6w pregnant too and my 12w date would've been just after Xmas day.

What happens to you re the contractions and actual baby to cremate sounds unusual, are you sure you weren't further along?

Xxx

Original poster
EllieJayJay · 05/12/2015 14:15

Oh Lilly I'm so very sorry I was on that thread I'm so sad for you.

Disney I'm so please for you and thank you for giving me hope xx I'm also so very sorry you had to go through this

Owlina - I started a miscarriage support thread, I will post a link. So sorry for your loss

Who knows - I was so shocked when I discovered 1 in 4 pregnancy ends like this I know no one apart from my mum who has been through this and people just don't talk about it - I felt such shame at times it's been so difficult.

Lilly, Apparently unusual to have such pain but can happen, I say contraction but I guess agonising waves of pain would also have covered it - they were convinced I had an eptopic pregnancy - I couldn't stand and just wave after wave of pain - my body did push out a lot of tissue and I lost a lot of blood before my baby came having never been pregnant before that was the only way I could describe it I might be completely wrong but it was awful and horrific. My hospital has an excellent EPU and they work with a local crematorium and no matter what stage you are they will arrange for a little service - my baby was tiny very very tiny. They suggest putting in poems and pictures of us and it's to help us grieve and try and move on. You then collect the ashes and can either put into a teddy bear or scatter them - I will scatter them it's nice, I think it will give me the comfort I need to say goodbye

But my DP can't, he just can't cope at all today he won't even talk to me about it - it's just so lonely and I just pray that this will help us both

OP posts:
Original poster
EllieJayJay · 05/12/2015 14:16

Who knows also I am so very sorry you had to go through this X I can't imagine what it must be like to go through this three times but I'm so glad you have two DC - I think I just need hope X

Thank you everyone for such kind words

OP posts:
twinklexx · 05/12/2015 16:12

Ellie
I had a mc last week at 11 weeks and one in August at 6 weeks.
There is nothing that you did or didn't do that caused it. Generally it's that there is something wrong and nature is addressing that.
Don't be ashamed about it there is nothing to feel bad about
I have found that telling people has helped me. If they ask what's up then I say I have had a mc. You will often find that they have experienced one or can tell you about someone they know who did.

It is a horri

Tftpoo · 05/12/2015 16:19

I had a mmc in June. I was on a mc thread, can't remember which thread it was now, but it was very active at the time and very supportive. I'm so sorry to hear the mc boards are quiet now and not offering you that sort of support. Just a thought, if it's quiet here, you could try the Miscarriage Association message boards? I posted there a few times and got some amazing support. I remember thinking at the time 'how does anyone ever get past this awful pain to be able to offer others support?' but you do after a while. Thinking of you xx

LunchpackOfNotreDame · 05/12/2015 16:39

My sympathies are with you however I am a very selfish person and due to suffering my own losses (latest was 9 weeks) and having been ttc for many years I cannot go onto that thread I'm afraid. I have to protect my own mental health

Others may feel similarly

Doesn't mean we don't care though

Flowers
lilydaisyrose · 05/12/2015 19:04

I'm very sorry Ellie. I know how excited you were. I am lucky (well, not lucky really) that I do know a lot of people who this has also happened to and I've also found that as I've got kids at home coupled with the fact we had to move out of home for a few days last week due to emergency gas work - I've been too busy to dwell, really. Maybe it's because I was so early, but I've been quite pragmatic about it after the initial sadness and horrible blood loss, and definitely found it easier to cope with as my hormones dropped. I totally appreciate that the experience has been very horrific for you, I just had heavy bleeding with clots, some dull pain, noticeable loss of symptoms then paler and paler hpts - didn't need medical attention. Lots of gentle hugs, you are certainly not alone.

Missdread · 05/12/2015 19:35

Ellie, I am so very sorry for your loss. You're doing the right thing by making your baby's passing: it does help you to get out your grief and will give you comfort when you look back. It happened to me when TTC my second and I never thought I'd get over it. To be honest, it's not something you will get over. But you'll move on, you will have another baby or babies in my case and it you'll never forget your little one. I think of mine every March when they should have been born but I know too that it it hadn't happened, I wouldn't have my precious daughter who was born just over a year later. Sending lots of love and good luck for the future xx

Missdread · 05/12/2015 19:37

Sorry for those appalling typos (phone typing!). I meant to say "marking" your baby's passing, not "making" xx

Brummiegirl15 · 05/12/2015 19:47

Ellie I am so so sorry for your loss. I have had 3 mcs between May 2014 and January 2015 and have never known pain like it.

You absolutely are right to talk about your loss and how it makes you feel. You are grieving for your beautiful baby and the life ahead.

There is nothing you have done to cause it, you do whatever you need to do to get through the pain.

I've had all the tests and nothing wrong with me. However I am now 32 weeks on my 4th attempt so please do not give up.

I still think of my babies, 3 lives lost and I still cry for them.

I'm awaiting the birth of my baby girl but I will never forget 27/01/15, 25/03/15 and 07/08/15. The due dates of my other 3 babies.

xx

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