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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that people are using being offended to try and negate others

138 replies

Ohbehave1 · 04/12/2015 16:52

What is it about people being offended these days. Another thread on here says that someone was offended because someone else called their parents idiots. Someone is offended because of a jumper that says OCD -Obsessive Christmas Disorder and wants it banned. Christians are offended at this and Muslims at that so they should be banned.

Whatever happened to being allowed an opinion. Or being funny. It seems that the "I'm offended" brigade only exist because there are idiots out there that will listen to them and pander to their needs.

I am not saying that people should be allowed to be abusive or incite harts but there needs to be some common sense applied.

AIBU to think whatever happened to the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?"

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 04/12/2015 18:37

Do you see the contradiction in what you've written? People who are offended are allowed opinions too-they are not duty bound to find all supposedly humorous jumpers funny. The availability of clothing with such clothing on the high street shows that people aren't pandering to them.

You said that Christians want abortions banned and Muslims want images of the prophet banned. People are entitled to hold those views if they want (I don't agree with either of them) but since that hasn't led to either of those things being banned is there really a huge problem?

user789653241 · 04/12/2015 18:40

I don't know, actually. You seem so angry and I feel bad. That's all.

Cloppysow · 04/12/2015 18:41

I don't agree with that either. Intent can be good, but you can still be offensive.

For instance, a man making a comment about a womans physical appearance which he means as a compliment can be really offensive. His intent was to tell the woman that he finds her physically pleasing, but maybe she finds it creepy and sexist.

ohtheholidays · 04/12/2015 18:43

Thanks for banding all of us Christians together!

I'm a Christian and I have a few friends that have had abortions,did I judge them,did I fuck,it's not my place to judge what someone else goes through.

Original poster

Ohbehave1 · 04/12/2015 18:44

Purple daisies. Of course they are allowed their opinion. I have never said that. But the attempt to shut down a discussion, or get things banned because of it is starting to step beyond the it's " my opinion " to "you will all think and say as I do" situation.

And it is those that want things to be banned I refer to as "brigade" - not because I want them to believe differently, but because they want me to change my view.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 04/12/2015 18:44

I am not angry irvine. Don't feel bad I am fine.

hazeyjane · 04/12/2015 18:46

Jeez this a thread that gives with every post isn't it!

It is all very well to say that people choose to be offended
....... quote all the Christopher Hitchen's/Stephen Fry, 'you're offended, so what' claptrap, regurgitate the bollocks that is 'sticks and stones may break my bones...' and dismiss people who point out that something is hurtful or offensive as "I'm offended" brigade

...but why, is it so hard to think about other people, and if you say something that offends or hurts someone, think about why that may be.

It would also be worthwhile remembering that not everyone is able to shrug their shoulders and 'get on with it', or stand up for themselves.

Egosumquisum · 04/12/2015 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lozza1990 · 04/12/2015 18:46

I agree with you OP. Tbh I don't see how anyone can be personally offended by something that is not meant to be offensive. People are so precious. Everyone has different sense of humours and if people who actually have OCD can find this funny then what does that tell you. It doesn't insult anybody with OCD. It's a simple play on words.

Jumper aside, you cannot argue with the fact that a lot of people need to lighten up about a lot of things!

Original poster

Ohbehave1 · 04/12/2015 18:47

Cloppysow. That's that whole problem. We can't even pay each other a compliment for fear of being offensive!

Ohtheholidays. It was kind of a point I was making. It's nor all Christians. But there are those Christians that are offended on behalf of you all.

OP posts:

Egosumquisum · 04/12/2015 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Narp · 04/12/2015 18:48

You used the word 'brigade' in order to dismiss, belittle and not reflect.

Original poster

Ohbehave1 · 04/12/2015 18:50

Ego. Of course my views aren't fixed. But it seems that the professionally offended views are. I am still happy to use the term brigade because that is how I see these people. They almost want to be offended so their views are immovable.

OP posts:

hazeyjane · 04/12/2015 18:50

I've been told that I am a member of the 'professionally offended brigade', because I think that Frankie Boyle and Jimmy Carr's jokes about children with disabilities are heinous.

But then i have been told i am part of the Special Needs brigade too

Strangely I am not offended by either of these titles - in fact i would like a badge for belonging, which i could wear with pride

Egosumquisum · 04/12/2015 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user789653241 · 04/12/2015 18:51

That's good, Sparklingbrook

I'm foreign, my English maybe brunt or abrupt sometimes, I think.
I just don't want to offend people because of my language, that's not my intention. I'm not being sarcastic, I am always kind of afraid of that. That's all.

TiredButFineODFOJ · 04/12/2015 18:54

Actually in terms of bullying and harassment in law "intent" is disregarded. It's the impact of the actions which is assessed. So called "harmless" comments are upsetting the millionth time you hear them.

It's my opinion...that people who find the professionally offended/pc gone mad world we live in have less experience of being at the sharp end of the jokes, or bantz as I suppose it is nowadays.

disclaimer- there is a brigade of professionally offended members on here who go through the posts desparately looking for a typo, auto-correct or spelling mistake so they can correct it or claim to be unable to decipher the post. These people cause others who have literacy or learning difficulties to have to state this on their posts for fear of being flamed. I think these people are twats who offend me with their snidey professional offence.

Fairenuff · 04/12/2015 18:54

So you think it's ok to lump a load of people together under the term 'brigade'? I'm beginning to see why you might come across people who find you offensive OP

What does the term 'professionally offended' mean to you?

Original poster

Ohbehave1 · 04/12/2015 18:55

Ok ego. Are you saying that it's ok for a minority to make a joke about themselves but someone from outside of the group not to? Sorry, but I am unsure of where you are going with the comment. Sorry.

Are you you saying it's fine for a gay person to make a gay joke but not a straight one, for example?

OP posts:

Original poster

Ohbehave1 · 04/12/2015 18:58

Professionally offended - those that seem to be looking to be offended. I think the person in the thread that complained to HR about someone else's comments may be just that sort.

OP posts:

Egosumquisum · 04/12/2015 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Ohbehave1 · 04/12/2015 19:02

Thanks ego. I understand now.

When does the joke stop being funny? If the same joke is told by a gay and a straight person about gays is it only funny when the gay person tells it? Is it just observational humour?

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 04/12/2015 19:03

Yes. I thought that was commonly understood Ego.

Cloppysow · 04/12/2015 19:04

Ok. A man walks up to me on the street and tells me i have great tits. His intent was to let me know that he thinks i have great tits. I feel objectified and offended. Am i wrong to be offended? Or is he being offensive?

My very niave, ignorant, frankly racist without realising, aunt tells my children a racist joke circa 1978. Not hateful as such, just the sort of shit that was peddled at that time. She has no ill intent and is shocked when I tell her it's offensive. Is it her responsibility to not tell racist jokes or my responsibility not to find racist jokes offensive?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/12/2015 19:05

Ohbehave - my mother used the 'Sticks and stones will hurt your bones, but calling names can't hurt you' saying to fob me off when I was being bullied at school, aged 10. I was told I should just ignore it, and the bullies would stop, and that it wasn't going to hurt me.

I never felt able to tell her that the bullying didn't stop when I ignored it, nor how much it was hurting me.

By the time I was 14, I was thinking about suicide, and depression has dogged my life ever since. I have lost count of the number of times I have had suicidal thoughts, and even when I am not having them, my mood is consistently low. It has blighted my life, affected my career, impacted on my experience of being a parent, damaged my marriage and has made me anxious and sure that no-one could like me.

All this was done by words. That saying could not be more wrong. I hate it.

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