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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would IBU to use the name that my ex had thought of for dc with current partner?

21 replies

Dealbreaker101 · 04/12/2015 16:25

Pretty much that.

My ex whom I was with for 3 years and I used to discuss potential names for our dcs should we ever have them but we subsequently broke up before we had dcs.

I'm now with someone else and wanting to use a name that my ex had suggested as I just love the name. My current partner doesn't know that this name was from my ex, he just thinks it's a name I like and therefore why not call our soon to be born dd that name. I wonder if I'm being actually misleading or mischievous by using the name from ex? Am I over-thinking it?

OP posts:

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 04/12/2015 16:27

I think you are over thinking. If you and your partner like the name then I don't think it matters where you got it from!

Original poster

Dealbreaker101 · 04/12/2015 16:27

I might add that when I say "from ex" it doesn't have any family bearing on exes part. It's quite literally a name he randomly suggested and I liked at the time.

OP posts:

MascaraAndConverse89 · 04/12/2015 16:29

Definitely over thinking it imo.

AuntieStella · 04/12/2015 16:30

I don't see a problem, unless it's a really unusual name and other people knew it was ex's particular favourite.

Christabelpankhurst · 04/12/2015 16:31

It's a tricky one, are you still in contact with the ex? I suppose it boils down to how you would feel if your ex used one of those names with a new partner? If the answer is fine then YANBU and if it isn't fine there's your answer.

squoosh · 04/12/2015 16:32

I'd probably tell him. I'd feel a bit put out if.....hypothetical situation coming up..........I met my partner's ex and she said 'Oh baby Norbert is lovely. Funny, that’s the name we used to say we’d give our son’.

SquinkiesRule · 04/12/2015 16:59

My Dh picked my ex's name as our oldest childs name. I told him that was my Ex he said he didn't care and loved the name. So when Ex bumped into me and Ds and asked his name, he did look confused. I laughed and told him Dh picked it and he knows it's your name too.
Use what you both like, who cares what the Ex thinks.

HackerFucker22 · 04/12/2015 17:04

I'd maybe mention it, just for the purpose of full transparency!

Original poster

Dealbreaker101 · 04/12/2015 17:14

Right then, I'm definitely over thinking it I see. My current partner doesn't know that the name is the one that my ex had suggested for our potential dc.

Christabelpankhurst I'm no longer in contact with ex. He can burn in hell as far as I'm concerned but I do love the name he'd suggested.

If my current partner knew that ex had come up with the name then he'd take issue with it. If I claimed that I just thought of it and loved it, he'd be totally fine with it. I'm thus in a quandary, do I lie and say I came up with it or tell partner the truth?

OP posts:

JohnnyDeppsfuturewife · 04/12/2015 17:23

Sorry I think yabu. Would you be happy for your partner to choose a name he discussed with an ex and then keep it secret from you? It's not the fact you're using that name but I couldn't keep a secret like that from dh. I think I would stop liking the name if I felt guilty / dishonest every time I used it.

Crabbitface · 04/12/2015 17:27

If my current partner knew that ex had come up with the name then he'd take issue with it.

I think this answers your question. Would you like him to lie to you (by omission) about something he knows would upset you?

Christabelpankhurst · 04/12/2015 17:40

Well, if you love the name and your partner does too, YANBU!

AyeAmarok · 04/12/2015 18:22

I'd not like this if I was uour partnering this situation, and found out.

SevenSeconds · 04/12/2015 18:35

My DH told me that he and his ex used to discuss names and had a favourite, but then split up with no DC. I have to say I'd have found it a bit weird if he wanted to use the same name for our DC. I guess your DH won't know though.

Original poster

Dealbreaker101 · 04/12/2015 18:41

I don't want to tell him the inspiration behind the name only cause I love the name and if he knew he'd take issue with it. I'm basically asking if it's ok to omit a few things here and there?

OP posts:

Original poster

Dealbreaker101 · 04/12/2015 18:43

The name is rather unique but quite normal.

I no longer speak to ex anymore - he was abusive, I feel like I can do as I please. It's not necessarily lying as I love the name anyway so even if I don't tell current partner then it makes no difference. Surely?

OP posts:

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 04/12/2015 18:47

Unless its a name no one has ever used, it doesnt matter. Its a name you like, doesnt matter how it came about.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 04/12/2015 18:52

Yabu. I wouldn't like to use a name dh picked out with his ex. And you know he won't like it either or you would tell him

Spilose · 04/12/2015 19:38

You're overthinking it. It may be a name your ex suggested but it's a name you like. It's a name you like. If your partner likes it too, then it really doesn't matter. I wouldn't mention it because I really do not see the importance of it or potentially making an issue out of something when it really doesn't need to be.

Senpai · 04/12/2015 19:45

If you don't want to tell your partner, that's an indicator that you know it's wrong. Otherwise, you'd have told him.

AskBasil · 04/12/2015 19:49

I actually think it's a v. bad sign that your current partner would be so bothered about what your ex liked, that it would turn him against a name you like.

That sounds unhealthy to me tbh.

It's just a name. It isn't symbolic. Yes, I know sometimes names are symbolic, but this one isn't, so it's ridiculous to make it into a big no-go area.

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