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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so annoyed at this man's attitude?

55 replies

FrenchTammy · 03/12/2015 17:27

Hi all. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Sorry if it's too long.

I have 4 children- two boys aged 7 and 4. Two girls aged 3 and 1. My children are to 3 fathers. My girls have contact with their dad and we have a good relationship. My boys call my ex (girls dad) dad as well their fathers are not involved. I work 4 days a week in a good job and own my own home.

I went on a rare night out in the summer and met a man. I vaguely knew him as his sister is my sisters friend. We have been seeing each other once or twice a week since then and it's been well but my kids are my priority and he knows this. Last Saturday he was on a works night out and texted me to say he loves me etc and I'm amazing: I was taken aback and didn't respond. I saw him on Sunday and in his hungover state he told me the following : I'm a slag for having 4 kids to 3 dads, I know I'm good looking and he's embarrassed that his sister knows I'm a slag and he would never introduce me to his parents. I know this is childish but I'm so upset he said these things. I won't be seeing him again but I feel like crap over it.

OP posts:

gamerwidow · 03/12/2015 17:30

Well at least you found out he was a twat before you invested too much time and energy. You're well rid.

TheGirlOnTheLanding · 03/12/2015 17:30

Sounds to me he feels embarrassed and put out that you didn't respond to his declaration and is bring deliberately hurtful in retaliation. Immature and unpleasant, you're well rid and shouldn't give him a moment's thought.

HeartShapedBox · 03/12/2015 17:32

Well if you're a slag, then what does that make him? He's the one who's been shagging you ffs!

What a scummy prick he sounds.

Original poster

FrenchTammy · 03/12/2015 17:32

Thank you ladies. I could actually have cried but I'm glad he wasn't introduced to the kids. Suppose I'll it's look forward to Christmas with the kids and my ex!

OP posts:

Seeyounearertime · 03/12/2015 17:33

Hes a cock, you've dodged it well there.

Be proud to be a dodgy cock dodger.

catfordbetty · 03/12/2015 17:34

I agree, infantile wounded pride. Move on.

DancingDinosaur · 03/12/2015 17:35

Oh goodness I wouldn't feel crap about that. Someone who is so mean minded to say that to cut someone else down has extremely low self esteem. He's trying to make you feel shit because he feels shit. Seriously, his opinion is worthless. Laugh and move on happy in the knowledge that you are not, and never will be, as sad as him.

Original poster

FrenchTammy · 03/12/2015 17:35

Thank you ladies. I have had attitude because I have kids to different fathers and have had to feel like I need to justify myself before. This horrible man also said horrible things about my post baby body which isn't too bad! I'm size 10 FFs

OP posts:

Jackie0 · 03/12/2015 17:35

Yabu to be annoyed but I think it's a good thing that he shared his opinion before the relationship went any further .
I imagine his pride dented when is declarations of love didn't get a response and this was him getting back at you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/12/2015 17:36

It really upsets me that so many men go from compliment/love/sweetness to anger and abuse if it's not immediately reciprocated. It's the expectation that women will be so bowled over by them deigning to be kind that we are supposed to swoon. It's the same sort of thing as the friend-zone. 'I'm great, funny and nice to you. You should be dying to have sex with me'.

I know people will disagree that this is a gendered thing but I firmly believe that it is.

Lucky escape. And, it's obviously not about you. It's his weird, toxic shit.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 03/12/2015 17:37

What a dick.

Seeyounearertime · 03/12/2015 17:37

So what if you've got kids to different dads? My GF has 3 kids to 2 different dads, she's 36, that means even if she didn't date before 16 she's had 2 partners in 20 years.... Big frickin whoop.

Original poster

FrenchTammy · 03/12/2015 17:39

Thank you see you. I'm 29 so had mine all in my 20s. Don't regret it at all and my kids are happy.

OP posts:

Seeyounearertime · 03/12/2015 17:41

kids are happy.

That's the most important thing IMO.
I couldn't give a toss what people think of me, what they say about me or my GF and DC. As long as my DD and my GFs DCs are happy. Everyone else can take their attitudes and shive them so far upntheir arse they get indigestion from their own bile.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 03/12/2015 17:42

Did you not say, " Yeah, but you still love me and I don't love you, loser"?

No of course you didn't because you are a decent person. Well done for not introducing him to your kids as well. Hope you meet someone better soon.

TendonQueen · 03/12/2015 17:42

So because you didn't gush back at him on demand, he went on the attack? That says so much more about him that it ever would about you. What a dick. You don't have to justify anything, whereas he should be asking himself what turned him into such a dick.

Original poster

FrenchTammy · 03/12/2015 17:43

I actually can't believe that I thought it was going somewhere I must be stupid !

OP posts:

Seeyounearertime · 03/12/2015 17:46

I'd say he was the stupid one tbh.

Don't beat yourself up OP, you did nothing to beat yourself up for.
You dodged a cock, you should celebrate!

VocationalGoat · 03/12/2015 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BathshebaDarkstone · 03/12/2015 17:53

YANBU. He's a dick.

expatinscotland · 03/12/2015 18:07

I'd have told him to go fuck himself but I'm sure with his maggot dick that will be impossible. What a twat.

yoshipoppet · 03/12/2015 18:21

Please don't feel like crap. What he said isn't true.
You are indeed well rid of him, he's shown himself as a right misery.

category12 · 03/12/2015 18:25

Bullet dodged! Thank goodness he showed his true awful colours before you were eager to reciprocate his declaration of 'love' - didn't love you more than his dented ego, did he? What an arse.

You can do far far better.

AnyFucker · 03/12/2015 18:29

Totally what MrsTP said.

toffeeboffin · 03/12/2015 18:32

Lord above.

Dodged one there, French.

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